reflections on 2008

wow, i can't believe this is the last day of 2008.

it certain ways, it was a significantly easier & better year than 2007. B & I were good, a few questionable moments, but they were fleeting; so that in itself made it a good year. yeah, ugly times are over & we don't even have to make an effort to be happy, it is just there.

Z had some craziness, but i guess that's expected with a kid....& that it's only going to get better (or worse) as he gets older. 1st grade has had it's challenges but he's learning what's expected of him & how to behave appropriately. he's a wonderful kid & i'm lucky to be his momma.

my mom is good too. the cvs takeover has caused some drama in her life, but she's adjusted. her health is good except for her knees, these will be a problem in the future, but thankfully the rest of her is good. i can't believe she'll be 59 in a few days.

we lost my Uncle M to cancer a few months ago & the wound is still quite fresh. i've made more of an attempt to be in contact with my aunt. i feel bad that the past few years i haven't made much of an effort to be close with my family.

to be honest, i've pretty much shut out the entire world. living here i've shut down & shut everyone out; not on purpose, it just happened that way. so i guess that i should make a new year's resolution to try get out there more....
& be friendly...

hahaha, oh you're not buying that?
or is that my conscience laughing in the background?
hmpf
fine....the anti-cheerleader is not friendly...deal with it.
so much for a new year's resolution....i tried right?

anyhoo, on with the post:
oh, me, um, life's been good, i changed jobs. & no longer work for old boss - YEAH! new job is ok, pay is better, boss is better, but no challenge, B-O-R-E-D, oh, but have lots of time to blog & read. so overall i'm happier, no real complaints.

i'm looking forward to 2009. B's military career will finally be over & we will be F-R-E-E!!!!! if i play my cards right will be moving; B's researching nursing programs in Cali that aren't impacted. we discussed it & although it makes sense for us to stay here, i'd rather move to wherever we have to in order to shorten his time in school. my only reservation is moving Z out of school, but he'll adjust. i think we'll all be happier somewhere else.

got his first Hanna Montana gift set...

you think i jest do you?
i am not

only it was a gift to give, he wasn't the recipient, k? let's get that straight.

the other day when we were at walmart & during the christmas card fiasco Z spotted the Hanna Ontana (he doesn't say the M) glittery make-upy gift set & said "Ashley would love this".
i ignored it, we were in the middle of christmas card pandemonium, but he kept bugging about wanting for her. i thought i would stop him by saying "if you want to buy it for her with your own money, you can".

he called my bluff, he was willing to spend his own $10 to buy a present for gf #1.

so i went on further to explain, "you'd rather buy HM glittery girly stuff for gf #1 than get something for yourself?"

& he did. so he carried it through the store & when we got to the register i gave him his money out of the side pocket of my wallet & he was very proud of himself. i was very proud of him too. what a sweet little boy he is.

i wrapped the present thinking this was the first of many gf presents in my future, the boy is going to be a player!

Z's dental drama

prior to this weekend Z had only lost his 2 front lower teeth. he had a few loose teeth, but they were hanging on tight. on sun he finally lost an upper front tooth (left) & we put it in an envelope for the tooth fairy. on mon he woke up to a new envelope under his pillow with a $1. (we're lucky, a friend told us someone in her area set the bar by giving $5 a tooth!)

yesterday when i picked him up we were driving out of the parking lot & he told me we had to go back because he forgot his tooth - he lost another one. not the other front tooth, but the one on the other side of the gap. so now he has a big gap in front that's off center, he looks like he should tilt his head for balance.

now here's where it gets ugly...
when we were on the cruise, one night after dinner Z tells us he has a bump in his mouth. we look at it & he has a huge, size of a small grape bump along his lower left gumline. we dont' know what the heck it is so we take him to the on-board nurse (after hours of course). she looked at it, took his vitals & said it was just a boil that would go down in a few days.

we kept an eye on it & a few days after our return Z had a scheduled physical exam. i made sure to tell B to have the dr take a look at it. the dr said it was no big deal & it would go away on it's own.

with the chaos of christmas i forgot about it, then remembered when the front tooth was lost. yesterday morning i called Z's dentist & they scheduled him that afternoon. they took x-rays & said the abcess was from an infection under the baby tooth. it's a molar that had a cavity, the dr previously put a filling in but said the infection was very deep & the tooth had to be removed so it wouldn't affect the adult tooth.

they put the numbing stuff in Z's mouth & the dr returned to give him the shot but Z wasn't having it. he's had fillings done on 2 separate occasions with no problems, but he said he could feel it yesterday. the dr put more numbing stuff on there & returned but still Z would not let him give him the shot.

we talked, we bargained, we told him no matter what the tooth had to come out. we told him even if it didn't happen that day we would just have to come back another day, but he just couldn't do it. it was awful & now we have to go back & do it another day & it will be that much worse.

facebook strike #2

wth facebook, why you doing me like this?

when i signed in this morning to check things out, you didn't want to work. you were sluggish, had a rough christmas i guess. i closed the window & tried logging in a 3rd time because you were just S-L-O-W.

so i finally get in & check my notifications, no big deal.

go to my inbox to write a note to a friend. hey, i have mail.
bloody hell!
no seriously...
why? why? why?

i was contacted by an ex. a way, way, WAY ex that only reminds of what a foolish young girl i once was (& not in the edward cullen sense, that's real i tell ya!). when i was seeing him, i was at a very low point in my life. i can't believe i even gave him a second look, much less dated him or shed a tear over him. he was a liar & a cheater.

so here's the message: "hey you. just surfn and got on facebook and i thnk its you? but no sure? br***** or not let me know thanks, m"

is this for real? why would he contact me? what would he have to say to me after all these years? presuming i respond, i have something like this in mind: "yes, it's me. what do you want? i have nothing to say to you. go away. you're a bad person."

what happened to dessert?

on weds am as we were gathering everything up to take to mom's i found the plate of cookies i had baked over the weekend in the computer room. bad news.
i had baked quite a few things, made a container for B & I to each take to work on mon while the remainder was supposed to go to mom's, only B didn't get that memo. i didn't mind a few missing here & there, 'a few' was what was left.

i wasn't too bothered, i could bake more for us, but i wanted something to take to mom's. besides, although i wasn't anticipating the much loved carrot cake, i knew we would get mom's fabulous pumpkin pie & that's all i cared about. the cookies were for everyone else.

when we made our stops at costco & the regular store, B kept on bugging me about buying desserts. yuck, i don't eat store bought (except cheesecake because i don't make it).

then we we get to mom's not a pie in sight, pumpkin or otherwise. she was too tired & wasn't sure if we would make it down because of the crazy weather.

so that means i'm going to have to make my own pumpking pie & wrestle with crust again. Z won't be allowed in the kithen during this time & B will stay away if he's smart.

that chart

we came home from mom's on sat & on sun we put up the chart in the kitchen.

B & I reviewed all the responsibilities listed & chose the important ones & used the 2 empty ones to write "bathroom clean" & "toilet flushed". while the bathroom clean is something i still battle with B about (dirty clothes & towels on the floor) the toilet flushing lesson really needs to be learned.

Z was really on board with the chart & wanted to make sure he understood the list & how it worked & what he needed to do. it was surprising how something so simple affected him. i've tried putting a happy face on the calendar on days when he was good, but this seems to be much more of an incentive.

he made sure L-bird had her food, he was off to get ready for bed with only being told once, he was more willing to read a couple of books to me.

i'm SO getting one of these for B now! i wonder if they have a husband one already set up or if i'll have to make up the list?

how Christmas went

we drove down to mom's on Christmas eve. we stopped at costco & the grocery store to pick up a few things & Z would tell anyone who would listen about how he was getting a DS for Christmas. it really made me question whether or not that santa letter was a good idea or not.

then at my mom's when it came time to put him to bed, he started arguing with me & was even lying to prove his point; so i knew the letter & the chart were the right thing to do.

the next morning i heard him climb up the stairs. i jumped out of bed, grabbed the camera & followed. surprisingly my mother hadn't let him start in so i didn't miss anything. he opened almost all his presents (he still had plenty), then he got to the box with the letter. when he opened the box he handed the letter to B to read & then he recognized the chart (he had found it at home before i wrapped it up). luckily B & I had already prepared a statement, saying santa had talked to us about not getting Z the DS & how the chart was going to work, etc.

so we sat there for a minute, letting the whole thing set in & it really seemed like it worked, that he understood why he didn't get the DS. he wasnt' upset & he didn't cry.

there were a few other presents left for him to open & he spent the day playing with his cars & track set up, the mix & match marker set, a Ben10 watch thing. it was still a good Christmas for him.

letter to Z from Santa

so maybe we're going to regret this, but we decided we needed to do it. Z is so positively sure he's getting the DS despite some of his completely horrible behavior this year. Up until just a few days ago we were looking into getting for him, but he has still been mouthing off & giving attitude so i told B no dice, ain't happening. We ordered a responsibility chart from amazon & wrote Z this letter:

Dear Z,

I know you asked for a DS and Pokemon game for Christmas this year, I found a blue one for you. But there have been a couple of times where you weren’t very nice to your friends, teachers, Lady-bird and your parents. You’ve also been lying which is a very bad thing. These are things that make it very difficult for me to reward you with the DS & Pokemon game.

So I decided to give you this responsibility chart to help you know the things you need to do to be good. This will also help your parents know when it’s time to give you a little reward for being such a good boy.

I know you’ve been trying to be good, so keep trying and your parents know where the DS is. Once you’ve learned to be good to your friends and others and stopped lying, they will give the DS and Pokemon game to you.

Always watching you,
Santa

i'm a stupid 16 year old girl all over again...

i over heard my co-worker on the phone the other day & she was saying she had gone to see twilight 3 times already & was making plans to see it a 4th (!).

so i turned around, looked her in the face & called her a whore.

she about fell over laughing then asked "wanna come too?"

"okay"

so yeah, i went to see twilight again.
i enjoyed it (duh!), i caught parts that i had missed & already forgotten.
yup, still in love with edward.

i don't know cold

yesterday i did my usual phone call to my mom & she complained about how cold it is in sd. yeah, i know, it's SoCal, they don't know cold, it's in the 40s.

so i complained that it's in the 20s here, yes, much colder.

then i spoke with B's mom (in chicago). she told me she had friday off from work because of the weather, so i asked "well, how cold was it?"

-4 (HOLY COW!!!)

but then she clarified, with the windchill factor, it was:

-34!!!!!

what is that? i can't even imagine? would it be like living in your freezer? oh my gosh! i called my mom back & told her we were silly california girls & we don't know a darn thing about cold & she agreed!

Santa is your parents

yeah, he knows, he said it.
i didn't acknowledge the statement when he said it to me.

then he said it yesterday to B.
B's threshold for attitude had already been surpassed so B responded with "you better hope not otherwise you aren't getting anything for Christmas from us."

that'll teach him to question Santa.

does it have to be this way?

UGH! when we returned from running some errands B found a message on the machine. he started listening to it before i entered the room so i only caught the tail end of it & it took me a few minutes to realize the hick voice (no joke i was thinking "who's the fricken hillbilly?) was actually my father.

the part i got was something about how it would be nice to see Z this time of year & that was it. B asks me if i care to hear it from the beginning & i say yes beings it took me so long to recognize the voice i didn't catch much.

the message starts with "hello B, this is S"
apparently the message is for my husband as i am not addressed, helloed or acknowledged in any way, shape or form THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE MESSAGE.
i guess i am dead in his world.
point made.

screw you dad, you've never been an important part of my life anyways. all you do is reinforce why my mother left you & why i should not let you be a part of my life. you are a supreme asshole.

watch out for:

the hoochie man!

the other day Z was playing around & instead of saying "watch out for the boogey man," he said "watch out for the hoochie man!"

i about fell over laughing, that boy hasn't even been to a club! he don't know nothing about hoochie!

so watch out for him, that hoochie man...

& don't confuse him with the hoochie mama!
(hahaha, i've never seen the video but love that they have the clip from friday!)

B's Christmas party (aka the frozen corndog story)

last night was B's Christmas party. the spotted dick pudding made it's public debut, along with a box of parrot poo (chocolate covered peanuts) we picked up on the ship. how's that for a gag gift? what made it better? we put it in a patron tequila box & fooled most of the room!
we brought home bottle of sailor jerry rum. i've never had it before, but looking forward to it.

our dinner was ok. well, actually it wasn't even that. i understand that it was a large party but we pre-ordered our food (provided to restaurant days before) & we were the first group to hand our ticket to the waitress however we were one of the last ones to get served.

the worst part was Z's corndog. he took a couple of bites out of it then told me it was too cold. i was confused. i get too hot, but too cold? i felt the outside of it, cool not warm, then i felt the inside - it was still FROZEN, ice crystals & hard! WTF?

so i walked out of the room holding the frozen corndog & our waitress was walking in, she's our neighbor so we're kind of friends & i know her job is to serve not to ensure food quality, so when she asks if everything's ok i tell her what's up but continue walking to the front desk.

it's an open kitchen, i stand there holding the frozen corndog & wait until i get enough eyes on me & then announce "it's frozen" with noticable bites out of the top of it. then the whole kitchen stops & looks at it; everyone looks guilty, how can you deny that one? someone finally takes the frozen dog from me & we go back to sit.

i didn't think it was necessary to yell, bitch & moan, but i think i made enough of an impact with intensity. shortly after sitting they brought Z a cooked corndog. maybe that was the problem, we were supposed to specify "cooked corndog" - lesson learned.

more Z troubles...

the other day B got a call from Z's teacher that kids were complaining the Z was putting his hand down his pants then putting it in people's faces - how nice to hear. i would have to guess that's something he picked up from someone else, unless he's been going around & sniffing his own hand....sigh...but isn't that something siblings do or maybe just boys, i don't know!!!

yesterday he got in trouble again for chasing girls & kissing them. he's going to be unbelievable when he's a teenager, maybe i should start talking to him about birth control now. you know it all starts with kissing, next thing you know the girl's pregnant...
he also got a talking to because he was being rude to another teacher, no respect for authority, at 6!!!

what's a parent to do?

we still take him to counseling, although he hasn't gone the past couple of weeks due to thanksgiving, our trip to mex, dr was sick this week.

threats of santa leaving him coal are completely blown off. maybe we should not give him ANYTHING for Christmas & see how that goes. could you imagine having Christmas as a kid & not getting presents? wow, could we be THAT mean to even try it? hahahaha! shit, if it would work i think i'd try it.

but we're going to Grammie's & goodness knows she won't tolerate such a thing no matter how bad the boy is, has been, or will be. plus once Z figured out the whole santa is really us thing & we forfeited presents on Christmas, he would send us his therapy bills for the rest of our lives.

i'm not a terrible person

but boy am i flipping happy we finally got some christmas shopping done!!!! slackers i know, not even starting until December 18th after 4pm.

sweet relief!!

shit if B's procrastination hasn't rubbed off on me in the worst possible way! i came home early & he was here gaming. i asked (already pissed because i just can not help myself) "did you finish Christmas shopping yet?"
of course the answer was a no; he'd probably been home for hours, but hadn't started.
UGH!
so i did a couple of things then came & sat right next to him so we could do what we needed to do & after a few minutes he stopped gaming.
it works, not fun, but it works.

Amazon, you piss me off, but i love you! yes, just about everything was purchased there, i think my headache may be going away now.

oh had office christmas party this afternoon. this was the mellow version, the fun one happened when we were down in mex. they served vietnamese food (yummy pancit & lumpia) then we had a gift exchange. all the alcohol had already reached the max stealing point so i ended up with a starbucks cup & gc. not bad, could have been stuck with a stuffed frosty the snowman or a ceramic house candleholder - even i'm not that domestic.

i was kind of sad to miss out on old job's Christmas party, last year was a fricken hoot. i guess i feel a little more comfortable elabortaing on the scenario now. one of my co-workers (who's drunken state is debatable) asked the he/she to view the he/she's nether region. the rest of my co-worker's & i were in a group, we noticed our friend was gone, then he returned with the he/she. we don't know all that transpired or how long they were gone, but this will probably be one of my best Christmas party stories for a long time.

frozen car

close but not quite snow. weather predicted the possibility of it, nearby towns got it, some say there were flurries/sleet at some point during the night, but actual snow didn't happen.

my car was frozen this morning, when i pulled the door handle the ice crunched. then i had to sit for about 10 minutes waiting for everything to thaw & the ice on my windshield to soften enough for the wipers to slush it away. i windows in the backseat wouldn't even open, frozen shut.

my car said it was 31 out but i think there isn't enough humidity in the air for snow to happen. bummer.

Z told me yesterday they were out playing in the yard & he was trying to catch snowflakes in his mouth so he was standing out there open-mouthed just waiting (that had to be a sight) he said he "caught none" & was disappointed.

productive

finally, got the tree up & decorated.

also got pic's downloaded from mexico.

yeah, i'm tired.

i woke up last night about 2 & couldn't fall asleep, when i finally did, i had crazy crack dreams. my first dream B was going to move a tree branch to catch a large (approx 6") albino praying mantis but when he touched the branch it opened it's eyes & we realized it was an owl. so we put the owl on my right wrist & before we could continue after the original target, we heard a screeching noise. we looked up & there was a huge (bigger than an elephant) flying creature off in the distance & you know if it was that big far off, it was going to be fricken huge once it was upon us.

so we were looking for cover & then the environment changed to something similar to a school with a hallway of doors & we picked the bathrooms to go into to hide from the flying beast that was coming after us. now i don't know why we did this but we made sure B went to the boys bathroom & Z went with me to the girls, because even in a state of emergency one really doesn't want to enter the wrong bathroom i guess. i mean if huge screeching flying monster is after you hopefully he won't know which one you're hiding in right? hopefully he can't read.

there isn't much of a transition here, so i thought i'd make it obivous that was the end of one & below is the beginning of the next.

after that i was in a house & i was being robbed, some guy was taking all my jewelry. which i find rather funny as most of my jewelry is from my teenager years & isn't of much value. anyway, so i get robbed & the guy leaves & i'm looking through the remnants of all my shit thinking "thank goodness i have these few little trinkets left". then the guy comes back to take more of my stuff & he's off again; only to return a 3rd time (wtf? i know! i was pretty tired of his ass too). i don't know what he came back for but by this time i finally decided to call 911 on him. why not the 1st & 2nd time? i have no clue.

got the call

if you need to catch up, read this and this, ok now read on:

i just got off the phone with higher up. my first thing to clear up was how involved would old boss be because i was very upfront in telling him i had issues with old boss (he had no idea - surprise). old boss would be an integral part of the equation along with the other ops mgrs, higher up & corp mgr. so basically somewhere along the lines of having 8 bosses - sound like fun? so that did not sit well with me at all.

i questioned the training & travel requirements. i'm aware that some training would be required in sd, but how much & would regular trips be needed? 1 -2 weeks for training & only if needed beyond that. i explained the possibilities of B's chaotic impending travel schedule over the next few months, i may not be able to travel & he was ok with that. additional travel may be needed to other offices if special project warranted.

old boss had explained that they wanted someone long term, so i informed him once B retired next year, we're up in the air. we may stay we may go, we really don't know at this point but if we were to go back to sd, the commute would be 1.5 hrs to the sd office (which i'm not willing to do on a daily basis for any amount of $$, my sanity is important to me). so i questioned the possibility of working from home - shot down, no chance. part of that was possibly so i could work from home here too & not have to face old boss on a daily basis.

then that was it, he tried to wrap up the conversation without discussing pay, or actually i should say he was forcing me to bring it up. so i questioned the title, yes financial analyst. i tell him the base pay on salary.com for entry level & ask if he considers the position higher (i know it is higher, but he said entry was appropriate). he did say there was some wiggle room though.

although the opportunity, the title & the pay would be great, i don't know what to do. i still feel like i would be selling my soul. i do not want to work with old boss & be under his thumb.

higher up & i agreed to think about it & talk again after the first of the year. i'm sure he sensed my hesitation about old boss & told me he didn't want to me take a position that would make me miserable...he doesn't know the 1/2 of it.

9 days until Christmas

are you kidding me?

we just got our tree last night....& we had to have a discussion about getting said tree. yeah, i know we only have a few days until Christmas & we are going to my mom's to celebrate, but dang it, i want a Christmas tree! Z is 6, we have to by law.

he's already questioning the whole Santa deal. everywhere we point one out he will tell us it's fake. i'm pretty sure this will be the last year we'll get through it, if at all.

he did hope that beings we're going to Grammie's for Christmas that we would get 2 rounds of presents (at Grammie's & at home). we've received a couple of boxes in the mail already & we've hid them in the closet. we typically tell him who the presents are from & that only a few are from Santa; we feel it's more important that he recognize the gift givers.

so i guess in a way we've been prepping all along for the reality of the situation, but that doesn't mean i'm looking forward to the inevitable confrontation.

hopefully he'll ask B, he's a better liar than i am...

Z homework

last night Z & I went over some homework that his teacher sent home. (we told her about the trip) so the week was about weather...a good week to miss in my opinion. so she sent home a few sheets describing the daily reading he would be missing along with some vocabulary words he needed to be familiar with.

words like thunderstorm, blizzard, hurricane, flood.

i would ask Z if he knew what the word meant & he said he did for everyone except sleet, so i explained it was a mixture of rain & snow (if that's wrong, that's what the sheet said! i'm from SoCal, we don't get any of that!)

then i would have explain each word to be sure he had a proper definition, some were rather funny:
flood - when you flush the toilet & the water comes up & out, that's a flood
government - people who have a lot of money & they talk to other people (that would be politicians specifically, but this kid really knows his stuff!)
& the ringer:
warn (remember this is in the context of weather so the definition should be something like a warning to stay indoors) - his example was "i'm going to give you one more warning then i'm going to call your parents"

bah humbug

so we got off the boat early yesterday morning, $120 for parking, then headed over to mom's; it wasn't planned, so we just stopped by to say hi for about 1/2 hour then were on our way. next stop at costco to get some groceries & gas, $170 there & today B picked up Lady from the kennel, another $130 bucks. can we stop now?

no i guess not because it's christmas next week!!!!
um, we didn't do any christmas shopping before we left. i know before the cruise i didn't think the timing was good, now i realize it was the worst time to lose a week.

maybe i should have spent my workday shopping online, but i just don't feel right about it. yeah, reading blogs is much more productive, right? well, i'm sorry but the ship charged PER MINUTE for internet, so although i love my reads, i wasn't about to pay for reading per minute. i'm a fast reader & all, but the pressure would lessen the comprehension.

cruise - final thoughts

we spent a few more days on ship for the ride home; those quite days were needed. we met up with R & family throughout the days & evenings for poolside talks & also caught a midnight comedy show. they were really nice family & at the end of the trip we exchanged contact info & hopefully can keep in touch. both boys are anxiously awaiting a playdate although they live in washington state so that would take some planning.

B & I also decided to splurge on a spa morning. we thought what the heck right? we hadn't spent a lot of $$ at the ports & the treatments were discounted. um, yeah, so then we both went crazy on purchasing products...merry christmas is what we decided!
i got a facial that was fantastic, my face was as smooth & as plump as a baby's butt. seriously, i was ready to buy anything that could make my face like that!
B had a professional shave, a mini-facial & a neck massage. the lady used a cream on his cheeks that made his psoriasis go away, something he's battled since before we even met.
haha, so when he walked in the room after his treatment with a bag of goodies, i didn't feel so bad about all the $$ i spent. although he said he really would have liked to have seen how things would have developed if he walked in empty handed & i had to explain myself!

we enjoyed the cruise & will probably do it again sometime in the future, but to another location; we heard the carribean is fantastic. if we go back to mexico, we would fly & stay, either ixtapa or we heard cancun was very nice also.

last port - manzanillo

i hadn't even heard of manzanillo prior into looking into the cruise, so instead of booking an excursion we decided to play it by ear. Z's buddy R & family came with a few additional family members & friends & they invited us to the beach so we tagged along.

the boys got along so well it was unbelievable. typically, Z has love/hate relationships with his friends but R was some how able to work with Z & they would flex & bend to fit each other. maybe because R is only a few weeks older than Z, but something about them just clicked.

we spent the entire day down at the beach. the peddlers were crazy, it was like home shopper network live. a constant barrage of shirts, wraps, jewelry, dishes, trinkets, fruit, hats. we joked that we should just pay someone to keep all the peddlers away because 1 no wasn't sufficient, they had to go around & put their wares up in your face & hear a distinct no from each individual. i realize this is how they make their living but it really was overwhelming...& sad.

we didn't even buy any souvenirs there, we just enjoyed the day & made new friends. we headed back to the boat exhausted from the sun & B had a few too many cervezas.

Z went to kids camp again & we had a quiet dinner in the dining room. it was better than our meal the first night. when we picked Z up about 9:30 he wanted to eat again, he definitely liked that food ready at any time deal.

next stop - zihuantanejo/ixtapa

the next morning we hit zihuantanejo early, we browsed through a couple of shops then hit up a taxi to take us to a quiet beach. as soon as we got to the water Z recognized a boy from kid camp (R) - i can't tell you what a blessing that was! R was well behaved, he & Z got along splendidly & his parents were nice too! it was a definite win/win, the boys played & we could relax & chit chat.

we hung out for a few hours & drank & ate, then it was time to head up to ixtapa. the boys were scheduled to go swim with the dolphins so we headed back to port for the bus ride. they didn't even want to sit with parents, they were on their own program being boys. it was cute.

ixtapa is the nice, new, trendy part of town, but we didn't have time to explore. we were taken directly to the dolphin place, where B & Z spent about an hour in the water. each kid had a few minutes of one on one with a dolphin & in the meantime other ones same around them. R's mom said she was surprised at how close they would get, almost like cats that rub themselves up against you.

before we knew it time was up & we had to get back on the bus & head back to port to make it on boat before it left without us. at each of the ports, there were armed men; i wasn't sure if they were there to protect us or not. on our drive back to the port there was a coca-cola truck next to us, the doors were open & men sat inside holding guns. it was kind of scary & our guide conveniently didn't see them & couldn't explain when we asked about them.
we made it back safely & on time though.

oh & i had absolutely the BEST margarita ever in my life here! it was so thick & creamy, i think it may have been made with real cocunut milk & a sprinkle of cinnamon on top.

vamos a mexico! - acapulco

the first 2 days we spent on boat, it was nice & relaxing. they had a kid program that we shuffled Z off to, so everyone was happy!

our first excursion was in acapulco, we didn't plan anything so when we got off the ship we just hired a taxi to show us the town. first he took us to the old part of the city & showed us a couple of the old hotels old hollywood stars would frequent back in the day. you could tell at one time these were magnificent but time had certainly taken it's toll. we also drove by a vacation house that once belonged to Diego Rivera (unfortunately entry isn't allowed) but there was a mosiac dragon on the wall & his name.

we asked him to take us to a place where locals would eat but he insisted on taking us to Senior Frogs. there were only a few other (white) people there when we arrived, but we had a feeling we were being duped & we were SO right. B got a beer & plate of shrimp, Z got a smoothy & fish & chips, I got a margarita & a small shrimp cocktail. guess how much that was? come on, just GUESS? in american dollars, i won't even try & trick you with pesos? got a number? ok, well whatever it is triple it. yeah, our bill was almost $90 AMERICAN DOLLARS!!!!

i had taken Z to the bathroom & left B to pay the bill so i didn't even know it until we were back in the taxi. i couldn't believe it. i was sure we should have each received a free t-shirt with that bill.

after that the taxi driver took us to the new part of the city which was much nicer & a church that reminded me a lot of Mt Soledad. then we headed back to our point of origin & he dropped us off at the zocalo (downtown center). we meandered through the shops & the streets. Z got plenty of attention throughout our escapades, those girls love the blonde kid! there was another church here & there were many processions of people celebrating the virgin of guadalupe.

we got back on the boat about 7pm & i was exhausted. Z went to the kids club & B & I went to the jacuzzi for a bit.

the drive

wow, didn't realize how much i missed radio! once we hit the 15 radio goes on, i tend to forget if we're in B's truck beings it has sirius, but the car doesn't, so once near civilization it's on.

do you know how you know you're in la? there's more mexican music on the radio than english music - surprise.
but, it was great nearing sd & hearing all the fabulous radio stations! YEAH! 94.9 has been in a slump since anya left, really how much rage against the machine can one listen to?

then the big dilemma was what to eat? so many options it's a bit overwhelming you know! we drove thru escondido, skipped that. then neared kearny mesa which is a complete melting pot & the decision was made - what do we missed most from the city? hole in the wall mexican. yeah, i know we were headed to mexico the next day, but i'm sorry you just can not beat these burritos ok?

B & I got our carne asada burrito fix & little one got his rolled tacos with cheese & sour cream (weirdo, i know, he doesn't like guac!).

then we headed downtown to the hotel. oh & we had an unintentional excursion off to La Jolla - oopsie. what can i say? i was enthralled with all the beauty & greenery that i kinda got in the wrong lane & missed the 5...

oh & for anyone who actually reads this, i'm backdating the posts for the next couple of entries.

finally!

there was ice on my windshield this morning, finally cold here....i've been waiting for winter to hit & today was the day. tonight we head down to sd, tomorrow we board the boat & head to baja. i'm totally excited & a little nervous, i don't know what to expect & although it's a cruise, a vacation, it perplexes me.

needless to say, i look for things to worry about...like one of us getting sick or what will we forget (because you know there will be something)? did we pack the right clothes (even casual dining is dress up, crap!)? will my butt fit in my bathing suit (last time it was a little snug)? will we remember to call school everyday to tell them Z's "sick" (never mind the mariachi music in the background)? will there be wifi (i don't know if i can go that long with no connection & B's WOW addiction is worse than my bloggy addiction)?

speaking of, i got a call last night from my dr, my bloodwork results are in & we need to chat. a little more details on her vm would have been comforting but i guess dr's like to keep you on edge.

oh & in case you're keeping track, i have not talked to higher up about possible job with old company. whatever, i'm not going to stress over it.

12:30 update - bloodwork results were fine, good actually; however my pap came back abnormal = not good. will have to go in for re-inspection, snippets & other horrible things to my delicate lady parts - boohoo!

ever been f-ed by a friend?

both literally & figuratively?

when we met, there was a mutual attraction. we made attempts at a relationship, but he wasn't ready, so we stopped before we got into one.
we lost contact for probably a few years, but we had mutual friends (how we met originally).
our re-acquaintance was inevitable & after time, it was easy & we were friends again. he had a girlfriend & i had moved on. then he broke up with his gf & i was suffering from a(nother) broken heart.

we tried to just be friends, but the attraction we felt was strong. my friends would always ask "well did anything happen yet?" because even though we never did anything in front of them, the way we looked at each other our feelings couldn't be masked.

our goodbye hugs became longer & tighter at the end of the night. sometimes i would stay behind after everyone else left & we would just hold each other, not even kiss. he was my shoulder to cry on when i needed one & warm arms to hold me when i needed comforting. we would even go to his bed & fall asleep holding each other. still no kissing, we were trying to take it slow, trying to do it right.

then we finally did kiss...& clothes came flying off in record speed.
then we (he, really) stopped.

& that's how it ended.

what that boils down to: he never was my friend. he knew me too well. he knew it wouldn't casual with me. so he couldn't do it.

thank you facebook for that mutual friends list, seriously it cuts like a knife.

movie news: wall-e & a little twilight chatter

B bought wall-e the other night, we've already watched it 2x. it's an interesting story promoting the save the earth theme. wall-e is a trash compacting robot & the only one smart enough to repair himself, so he's all alone, except for 1 cockroach friend. (why only 1 i don't know, i would expect either none or a bazillion.)

humans have destroyed the planet & what's left of the species is living on an outerspace cruise ship. they send eva(h) to earth in search of life, she's the girl robot. there's very little dialogue...hello, robots speak in blips & bleeks.

anyways, it was cute. B liked it more than i did though.

oh, after watching the movie, Z said he was "wall-e" & i was "heaver". (heaver = evah in his mind) the best i could come up with was "yeah, momma's not a hoover, she is indeed closer to a heaver" (as in vom).

***********************************************
last night a commercial for twilight came on & B said something, i don't know, a commercial for twilight was on, aren't you following???
once it was over i asked him "what did you say?"
then he asked "do you really find him THAT attractive?"
"well...as Cedric he was rather handsome, but as Edward, um yeah, i do. it's not him so much as it is the character he plays."
B - "even with those big animal-like eyebrows?"
"yeah, i'm good" (i have one word for you honey - SSSHHHWWWIINNNGGG!)
B's unaware that he has mutant eyebrows too evidently...

me & b&w

i haven't talked about this before, but i'm a photography enthusiast, specifically black & white old school. in my early days of community college i took several b&w photography classes, often repeating the same one just for the dark room time. yup, back when photos were taken with film & you had to develope it (which REALLY sucked), let it dry, then make a print of all your negatives & finally that's when the real good times started.

i loved working in the darkroom, it was where the magic happened. not just putting your film onto paper, but the tricks during the development process, that was the best part. i remember that's when i first learned i needed glasses as my instructor told me all of my photos were a little out of focus, well, they were in focus for my eyes!

i've always preferred b&w film because i feel as though it shows the truth, you don't get lost in all the color. i think i still have my photographer's eye, things still catch it; sometimes it's something obscure, other times it's something beautiful. i often switch my digital camera on to the b&w setting, but it will never replace that darkroom.

what inspired this post: this article on cnn.com.
a big thank you goes out to Katherine McIntosh, the child on the left; also to the library of congress for hosting the photograph; & of course to Dorothea Lange, my favorite photographer.

i guess part of the reason i love this photgraph so much is my mother & her mother were also "migrant mothers" so it really hits close to home. although i never went out to the fields, i went to the cantelope shed with my mother. my mom tells me stories of going to the tomato fields with her mother.

newbie

i got a call last night from an old hs friend, she told me i needed to join facebook. yeah, i hadn't done that yet. i did the myspace thing years ago & still check on that, i didn't really feel or see the need in joining another community just to follow the pack.

anyhoo, she said it was the grown up version of myspace. so there, i did it, i joined, i'm a follower.

bonus, i log on from work! sweet!

just for clarification

yesterday, when i said "beatings" i was joking, i'm sure you knew that, but i felt the need to make sure we were all clear on that.

why?

because last night i was making meatloaf & in the middle of smashing some croutons with the meat tenderizer hammer/mallet thing & Z comes in & says

"is that what you're going to use on me when i'm bad?"

he's prepping for that call to cps, i just know it!

unhappy face....x4

Z acquired another unhappy face yesterday. this one for pushing another kid in class; he said they had a disagreement, the other kid pushed first, then Z pushed back & got caught.

the week before thanksgiving he got 3 unhappy faces...in one week! 2 for chasing girls 1 because he took a toy to school & repeatedly brought it out to play with during class.

i do not get this kid.

they say the apple doesn't fall far from the tree; but Z is my polar opposite. i would be crushed & full of guilt for days if i were in his shoes....after only 1 unhappy face, 4 & i would probably send myself to solitary confinement for months. but these things don't phase him, he doesn't care about the unhappy face, the consequences at school & home or the fact that he's being mean to someone.

he's completely justified his actions & feels no remorse. is that a boy thing? or is something wrong with him?

update 3:15 pm - oh what a tangled web we weave....yeah that bs about pushing another kid was a lie. B went in & spoke with Z's teach this morning & she knew nothing about a pushing scenario. he got the unhappy face for being a stubborn little shrew; at one point he was arguing with another teacher that there ARE blue trees. this afternoon B got another call from teach because the boy is still causing trouble, even while sitting out recess he managed to dig that hole a little deeper.

fun times are to be had at our house tonight, come on over for the lecturing, beating & crying festival, fun will be had by all...

not approachable...

the other day B tells me i'm not approachable.
i responded with "bite me" - how's that for approachable?

B just doesn't understand a lot of things. his entire adult life he's been in the military, he doesn't know what the real world is like. B also doesn't know what it's like to be a woman, a competent woman at that. i spent so much of my life proving to no one but myself how much i could accomplish. then someone came into my workplace & let's just go with she wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed but i learned from her how much she got away with because people had such low expectations from her.

i realize i don't come off as friendly; i don't want to, people take advantage of friendly. that's not to say i don't want to be friends with people, i just don't want to do their work for them. i don't mind helping people out, or teaching someone how to do something, but i'm not going out of my way to someone else's work so they can slack off. i've learned this the hard way, this was a huge point of contention at the soils co.

i've always worked in positions where i was the enforcer, that also makes for difficult situations. for some reason people don't get "just follow the rules & we can be friends" so i have to be a hardass & then they think i'm all bitchy. i'm not denying, i can & will be when needed, but really it's a rare occasion that i'm bitchy for no just cause. oh, i guess i should clarify, bitchy directed at someone not just in a bitchy mood, there IS a difference.

i do not mind not being approachable, it's part of who i am.