the good, the bad & the epically dysfunctional

yesterday mom & i headed down to visit nana. i didn't sleep well the night before, things have been a little weird with my mom since we moved back & i wasn't sure exactly, how that drive was going to go; it ended up being fine though.

when we got to the hospital, uncle asshole was there sitting in the corner. i said hi to him & to nana & then my mom started talking with nana, so i instigated a little chitchat with him (how are you, etc). his answers were brief but i didn't really think to much of it, i was being cordial & if he didn't want to get into details, i was fine with that.

then the nurse came in & told us nana was going to be discharged [fyi, this is the good part, relish it while you can], she would need 24 hour care & left. i asked my uncle what were we going to do & his response was "i'm handling it".
me - well, what are you doing?
UA - you don't need to know
me - yes, i do, she's my grandmother, i have the right to know what's going on with her.
UA - i'm handling it
me - why do you feel you have the right to keep this information to yourself? this isn't about you, this is about nana.
UA - you know what you did
me - no, i don't know 'what i did' [i honestly do not have a clue what he's talking about, the last interaction i've had with him was ~15 yrs ago at a party as his house, other than that we haven't had contact other than the christmas cards i sent him]

in the middle of the discussion, my mother is coming at him, from the left, then the right, seething words & pointing fingers in his face. she reminded me of a bee with a stinger; if it hadn't been so horribly awful, i probably would have been laughing my ass of at the scene....

i kept on telling my mom to relax, i wanted to get him to talk, i wanted to know what his problem was, but he wouldn't let anything out, apparently he doesn't want to solve the situation & prefers to just live with his hate & anger.

we went round & round but every response he gave me was a dead end. he told me i was like my mother [by then i was pissed & told him i'd rather be like her than him]. i told him he was being childish [& he said "oh yeah, i'm the one being childish" ????? really? think you aren't? you won't tell me what the f-ing problem is!] i finally told him you're the one that's going to have to live with yourself & the choices you've made.

i don't remember what or how it dissolved, i ended up leaving the room to go to the nurse's station. i went to get a contact name & number from nana's files, beings the UA link had been obliterated. i tried holding it together but right there in front of everyone i just fell apart. who does this kind of shit? who treats people like that? what f-ing right does this man think he has?

my mom & i left to meet AO for lunch & told her some of what went down. AO is another issue, she's there in town, but not speaking to nana, did not visit or call her once the entire time nana was in the hospital. although she did have a friend who visited nana daily so AO ended up with more info than i was able to get with daily calls to the hospital.

after lunch we went back to the hospital, my uncle was still there, in the corner, with his book, just sitting there. if you didn't know better you might wonder if he was even breathing. we told nana we were coming back, so he knew we were returning but he just sat there the entire time we were there. why he didn't/couldn't/wouldn't leave is simply further evidence of his unprecedented level of asshole.

the nurse came back in & asked "ok, what has the family decided" and that was the only way we found out anything....
UA told her he'd contacted social services to get assistance with the 24-hr that was needed. the dr also wants her to have a hospital bed at home & he was working w/ss for that. the nurse said ss might not be able to get a bed that day for nana, so she asked if we wanted nana to stay over-night in the hospital if that was the case & he said yes.

my mom & i were not part of the conversation at all.

the not-interview

it was a week ago, time flies people!!!!
he told me to just come in for a chat, so what i got from that was they didn't really have a position open, but possibly in the future, so a meet & greet of sorts, right?

so i get there, the office wasn't right at the street, but back in a little maze of buildings. i found the address, but there was no sign on the door (as in the company name). i kinda blew that off, during the phone conversation it sounded like they had just moved....then i try the door & it's locked.

i surmise 1-no sign on door + 2-locked door = 3-side door

there's a doorbell thingie, so i ring that & someone comes to the door & i say "oh i'm sorry is this not the front door, i'm here to meet so&so?" & get "no, this is the front door".

so i look around & there's a copy machine & stuff piled everywhere, not a front reception-like office by any stretch of the imagination. so&so comes out & greets me, then walks me down the hall to a conference room & there's more boxes & shit piled in the hallway so i say something about them just getting moved in & he says "no, the company has been here about 6 years" [open mouth, insert BIG foot] so i say "oh, i must have misunderstood you over the phone".

in talking with him though, i really would like the work, but it's a small company so they don't have all the benefits i want. i would be able to learn tons of skills that could get me where i want to go long term though. when i left there it sounded very plausible & we just needed to negotiate pay [which is always great fun]. during the not-interview he told me the anticipated salary range, but said he would work on getting more.

over the past week, i've been in a lot of drama [in addition to all the posts i've made i didn't even write about baby C going in for his monthly treatment & having a hpv spot deep down in his lungs...he's ok though], but so&so & i have been in contact via email, although i admit i haven't been very timely. i gave him some references, he asked me for a more definitive salary, i told him my ideal # + 401k matching + dental (they don't offer the 2 latter) & told him that was just a starting point. in response he gave me a HUGE list of qualifications (that i don't have) which he said were required to merit the pay i suggested....

HELLO? you're a mom & pop shop (~70 employees total spread out over 5 or so offices)....1/3 of the "required qualifications" aren't relevent to the company! it looks like a list directly copied from salary.com; so i think we are done with each other. i sent him an email yesterday & he hasn't responded, i kinda hope he doesn't. i think i was just excited about the possibility of a job. i try to tell myself not to get so worked about it, it's more about finding the right career, not just a paycheck. i'm enjoying my free time, when i left for the interview B told me "don't go!" (he likes it too); we prepared ourselves for down-time & we know how to buckle-up when income dips, so were not desperate...yet.

UPDATE - i received an email from so&so & he agreed we probably were not a good fit....so i'm off the hook!!!! is it strange that i'm happy & relieved about that?

nana update

geez, would time stop moving so dang quickly!! i have too many things to write about, i just read my last post about nana it's so off & i need to write about halloween...oh & i almost forgot about the not-interview...

let's start with nana - all the days are jumbled together, i called the hospital & because of stupid HIPAA they still wouldn't tell me shit other than "she's fine" [which could mean she's next to death but we can't tell you over the phone & per chance get sued over the disclosure...yeah, i'm still a little raw about that]. however, i can say when i was talking to the nurse i said something about "how did things go? did you have to take out her stomach? does she have cancer?" evidently i was so far off base she assured me that wasn't going on at all.

f-ing family is AWESOME!!!

so, nana has been scoped, 2 or 3x but they weren't able to get the details they needed so thurs (i think) they cut her open to get a real look. i know they found the obstruction & cleaned her out, but don't know much beyond that. either today or tomorrow they are going to start her back on liquids.

my mom went to visit her on sun, nana was disoriented & didn't recognize her. nana also kept on asking her why were they in the kitchen? i told my mom it's probably b/c she was so dang hungry! they had to move nana to a room with more vigilent observation because she removed her GI tube....by herself....yeah, that's what happens when you have someone that isn't used to being in a hospital. nana told my mom her belly is sore, she doesn't know that she had an operation.

oh, one day last week i called the hospital & totally lied, told them i was my mom so i could get more info. i don't know who i talked with & i'm such an awful liar, i kept on messing up the 'me's and the 'my daughter's, he probably caught on, but realized i was desperate. the one tidbit of info i got was nana was admitted with "an upper GI bleed & a bowel obstruction".

i called nana last night, i'm not sure if she understood who i was, but she said she was feeling better & that they were treating her well. she sounded good & strong so i'm glad.

Hallowink 2009

[i'm back-dating this post so it's easier for me to find later when i forget about the timing of all the other drama....]
so not only does Z's school have a no-sweets rule, but no costumes either. yep, no dress-up for school on friday, isn't that crazy? that's half the fun.....they did have a 'carnival' though.....a really lame one.....

we trick-or-treated around some of the classrooms, then walked over to Z's class. found out teacher does not believe in nor celebrate halloween so she wasn't there. i know to each his own, but when you're a teacher, wouldn't you kinda go with the flow for the kids? the other day Z said "i think halloween is a day where kids just go around to get free candy" [i may be wrong, maybe it didn't come from her, but didn't sound like Z's words].

then we stood in line for a solid 1/2 hour to go to the haunted classroom; it was alright, but took about 30 seconds to walk very slowly thru. they had a trick-or-treat bag decorating table & a stand selling hotdogs & cookies & that was the 'carnival'. the best part of it, i got a good dry run on prepping Z's vampire face. the next morning we hadn't got all the black eyeshadow off from around his eyes & i have to say, the boy looks better with day-old-slept-in-make-up than i do in fresh [so not fair!]

B had floured Z's face to make it pale, but i didn't care for it so sat we went to walmart for Z's first make-up run to get some sort of powder or foundation. it was more difficult than i anticipated & even B was helping me look for something light when he asked "don't they have a goth section?" apparently not....we ended up getting white eyeshadow.

shortly after sundown we headed over to the neighbor's house & went trick-or-treating with them. Z still wants to go in & visit with everyone...he wants to sit & chat in exchange for candy i guess. the neighbor's 3yo had a better grasp of how things were supposed to go compared to Z...poor boy's been in the sticks the past few years!

we went up & down the street & then quite a few kids came out so i sat out the next stretch to give out candy while the boys went over to the next block. up & down 2 blocks Z came home with a bucket full of candy, he had a good night. thankfully one of the neighbor's gave out glow-in-the-dark bracelets b/c when we went to walmart they were out [for shame!] & although Z liked it, it was not the thrill it always gave him in the past, this year was about the candy.

...it's fundamental

last year, 1st grade, was tough. we spent hours and hours doing homework that should have only taken a fraction of the time. i fought Z's school all year long for extra help so he could learn to read better. i knew what he was getting in the classroom wasn't enough & although i tried as hard as i could, i by no means am a teacher. B & I also debated on IEP (individualized education program) testing. it was bad & i still wonder about mrs. pippen passing him on to 2nd grade - did she really think he was ready for it, or did she count on that we were moving away & either hopefully he would get the help he needed or at least it wouldn't be her problem. [tangents....the female brain is dangerous]

this year, at a new school, the teacher immediately signed him up for a daily reading lab during regular class hours. i was really glad, that finally Z was going to get the help he needed & i didn't have to fight anyone to get it. then 2 weeks ago his teacher sent home a letter requesting Z attend another reading lab before school. Z didn't want to go & at first; i admit, my feelings were a little hurt. his reading had improved significantly in the short time he'd been going to the in-class lab, but knew it was for the best.

the other day teacher told me me Z was doing very well in math, using coins & making change, etc. & on thurs Z told me he has improved in his morning reading lab. he now goes to a different room where he reads then takes tests on the computer, he's finally got the reading thing down & now just needs to work on his comprehension.

he's gotten to the point where for the mostpart, he's able to do his homework by himself. he almost always asks how to spell a word before he tries, although 90% of the time he actually is able to spell it. what's really funny, the things he's learning now (the sounds, pronouncation guidelines & hints) are things i never learned in school. i have to ask him 'what's a short c & what's a long c?' wonder why i couldn't help him learn to read? i'm amazed i can read!!!!

surgery

nana's in surgery right now, or at least supposed to be. the communication with my family has been complete shit; nothing like having someone in the hospital & a bunch people not speaking to each other or willing to make a flipping phone call.

when i called my nana yesterday she told me she was supposed to have surgery, but it had been postponed & she wasn't sure of when it had been rescheduled. my nana is 89 & despite how strong willed & with-it she is, there's a lot out there she does not understand at all. like she doesn't drive; not as in she doesn't drive anymore as in she NEVER, EVER has driven one of them horseless carriages. to her the hospital is not a place you go when you're sick, it's a place people go to die. she's never stayed at a hospital before, all her kids [8 of them!!!] were born at home & she's never had any kind of illness to warrant more than a prescription. so i don't expect her to really be able to give me a run down of her chart, i mainly want to check & let her know i'm thinking of her.

so i called my uncle to get the lowdown & all they tell me is nothing has changed, there's no updates, the surgery was postponed. [um, hello, wtf, why didn't anyone call me to let me know it was scheduled in the first place mfers?]

ahem....

i called the hospital directly because my uncle's an asshole & found out the surgery was scheduled for today at 2:30. the nurse told me to call back today after 4:30 for results, so i'm on pins & needles.

my aunt asshole's wife did call me this morning to let me know the surgery was scheduled for 2:30 [which i'm more than positive they knew when i called]. from what i understood, the stomach is going to be removed, esophagus will be connected to small intestine & they will biopsy the obstruction. it's still not known if it's cancer, if it is nana will have to be moved to another hospital.

20 year reunion weekend - pt I

friday night
after visiting nana & getting settled in at the hotel for the weekend, we headed over to the bar to meet up with the gang. we walked in & i didn't recognize anyone, thankfully B saw Estupid & his beautiful wife in the back corner. the football game had just ended & people started trickling in. it was crazy to see so many faces that i hadn't seen in 20 years, some people still looked completely the same! & some people acted the same [both in a good way & bad way!]

the highlights:
javier from 6th grade mrs. hogan's class [i would not have remembered her name, but he did]. i didn't recognize him, he called me out on it & i recognized the voice. i knew his wife too [anna], a friend's cousin.
randall a guy who would never give me the time of day other than to insult my mixed lineage actually came up to me & said hello.
the girls, lots of them, so good to see, in addition to the gang there was: shelly, tina, letty, deena, isabel, veronica

i realized i was glad i haven't gone back with B to any of his reunions. i know i left him hanging a bit while i went out to talk to people. this was a big role reversal for us, typically we're in a situation where either he knows everyone & i'm out in the cold or at least we both know a fair share of the guests. if i went to one of his reunions i wouldn't know a single soul in the room except for him & he would be running circles, finally his chance to see me as the social butterfly after 13 years! [talk about rare occasions, right up there with haley's comet]

still waiting

the past 3 days of hospital visits kind of blur together. on fri, my uncle was there. it was a surprise to see him. so far, they had determined the cancer had not spread beyond nana's stomach, but further testing was needed to figure out how bad it was in the stomach.

when we went on sat they told us she had an obstruction in the stomach. nana was quite talkative, holding up her end of the conversation, happy although tired. hungry too because she hadn't had anything other than ice or water in 4 days. she joked & laughed some, told us about when someone was in the bed next to her they had the tv on & a beer commercial came on & about how badly she wanted a beer. [that's my nana!] earlier in the day she had to drink a solution to assist in the testing & she said it tasted awful...so bad she she couldn't keep it down. B told her next time to tell them to mix it w/beer & she said she would ask for more then!

today when we went to the hospital my other uncle was there with his wife. the dr was supposed to have come in the previous night or that morning to determine if surgery was needed on nana's stomach & if so, to what extent. we showed up around 12:30 & dr was mia, so no new info. my aunt & uncle know the dr & somehow were able to get him over to check out nana. the obstruction is on the bottom of her stomach & although she hasn't had solids in 4 days her tummy is bloated like a balloon. what little solution she had kept down is still in her stomach & only some liquid is completing the full route.

so she will have surgery, most likely sometime this week. we still don't know if they're going to do a partial removal or the entire stomach. i don't know why this is taking so many days, on grey's they get all this shit figured out & done in an hour....