Thursday, December 27, 2007

confessions of a hormone junkie

so my md took me off my depo shot & put me on a 3 week on 1 week of form of b/c. because I hate my period so much she said I could use 3 back to back (9 weeks of hormones, 1 week off). So I did that, but then they wanted me to quit cold turkey. But the first week would have been when we went to Chicago & that wasn't going to happen. I was not going to drive to the airport, fly to Chicago, spend a week with the in-laws, fly back, drive home from the airport sans hormones & be on my period – that was just not going to happen. Trust me, everyone is happier, the city of Chicago, the people on the plane, B's family, I'm looking out for everyone's best interest here, I'm so not being selfish.

I've been off all lab produced hormones for about 2 weeks now & I'm going crazy. The ones my body produces just aren't enough. The other night I dreamt B & I were living at my mom's & he was about to get in the shower but for some reason he was standing there talking to me in all his nakedness. Then I hear my mom coming home & I start freaking out & I'm telling him he's got to hurry up & get in the shower, but he doesn't understand what the big deal is. So I'm frantic now & tell him my mom can't know that I've seen my husband naked.

Yesterday I had another migraine – are you counting? That makes 4 in about a 9 week timeframe. Yup has everything to do with hormonal fluctuations because previous to the past 6 months, I MAYBE had 1 a year, if that. When I woke up, all I wanted was some salt, don't know why, but that was it. The best thing I could think of was cheap-ass nachos, like you get at the movies. The paper thin corn chips that have more salt than chip & fake orange cheese, sounded just great. (as a side note, the only other time I've craved such a thing I was pregnant, & if that's the case, it's the md's fault & she must pay for such a heinous crime.) well, we didn't have any of that, so I settled for lemon with about a tablespoon of salt on it. When I was done with that, I still wanted more salt, yeah, popcorn baby. I'm not sure what the deal is with wanting movie-type food but I wanted the lab created ooze "all you can eat butter" & super salty stale movie theater type popcorn. We did have some popcorn, but it was the healthy crap, dry & certainly not enough salt on it. I was ok for about an hour, than I started not feeling good again. I needed Z to stop moving, then stop talking, then stop making sounds.

I realized I was being cranky so I went back to bed & had one of the most craziest dreams ever (so take a few bong hits before reading below).

B was a shark (don't ask me to explain, because I don't get it either) but he was a shark ok & he was a naughty bad boy shark. I don't know what I was, I wasn't human though, I was some sort of sea creature & I wanted that naughty shark. So I managed to get his attn with my wily girly sea creature ways then I woke up & realized I was holding my breath (because we were getting shark/sea creature freaky underwater – duh), then once I woke up a little more I realized my shoulders & arms were sore & achy (from all the swimming).

No straight person has dreams like that!

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

a few things about work

friday night was our Christmas dinner. wasn't bad, steak dinner, a few drinks, then the bar scene that later i wasn't able to determine if was real or a dream. i have very vivid dreams so that's not totally unusal, the bar scene was unusal though & i woke up all night long asking myself "did that really happen?" at the bar was a man dressed as a woman, not that strange (or maybe for these parts) but anyways, i now know that this man doesn't have testicles & that's all i'm gonna say about that.

i know Christmas isn't about the gifts & whatever gifts you get you should appreciate & it's the thought that counts not the item itself, but i have to share this one. the gift from my boss was..."that was easy"...can you guess, yes, it was a staple's easy button. the sad part is he thought it was a legitimate gift, not a gag gift. if it was a joke, i would appreciate it for that, but the fact that he thinks he did a really good thing, that he took the time to wrap it & make a big deal about presenting it to me, is just wrong.

Friday, December 21, 2007

Z's play

Z's play was cute, something about a penquin, but completely incoherent. he did the intro & did it well. surprising because it was someone else's part but they were absent, so he only practiced it that morning. his presentation was cute, he'd say a few words, then look over to the left at us & smile, then say a few more words...pause, look to the left, smile...then started to walk away, then walked back..."enjoy the play", look to the left & smile one more time...

this was unexpected so i only got a couple of pics & wasn't able to get the camera in video mode. the play went on & i knew his part was towards the end, so i waited to start recording. once i started recording the play seems to drag on & on & i'm about to stop recording when Z finally walks up to the mic to say his part & just then the camera says "memory card full"...damn the luck!

how many toes does a fish have? is part of the song they sang & he mumbles occasionally

Thursday, December 20, 2007

why i’m so pissy today

no the damn portrait did not get taken last night....

i went to get my haircut after work & was hoping the new 'do would make the portrait happening all that much better (being fully unaware that i would arrive home in tears). she's cut my hair before, was completely aware that i'm growing it out, i told her to cut off the bottom 1/2 inch to even out with the top layer, like a bob but not completely even like an egyptian, some texturing was ok.

i take off my glasses & let her cut, then i notice (although it's blurry) that she's cutting like a good inch or more off that top layer, but what can i do because it's not the 1st cut she's made so all i can do is sit in the chair as my stomach turns & wonder what the heck i'm going to end up with knowing whatever it is, it's not what i want, it's not what i asked for.

when she finishes & i put my glasses on i see layers, yup a whole lot of fricken LAYERS - she cut off about 2 years worth of growth. then she says it's a little shorter than you wanted but i think this is going to work really well for your hair. i didn't ask for something that works well for my stupid hair, nothing works well for it, i asked for a bob, everyone knows what a bob is, it has NO LAYERS!

i would have been better off putting a bowl on my head & letting B have a go at it - or Z for that matter! so the hair that was almost to my neck is now about 2 inches long, thanks...

i felt dumb for crying because i knew there was nothing i could do (or she could for that matter) that would change it, but i was so disappointed & mad. i know it's just hair, it will grow back, no one's hurt or anything like that, i guess if this is the only thing to cry about my life is good.

i'm still pissed though & i'm not getting my hair cut for the next 5 years! so when it looks like straw you know why....

Wednesday, December 19, 2007

made some goo

the Sunday afternoon baking extravaganza rounded out with the following: oatmeal cookies with peanut butter/chocolate chips & walnuts, almond crescents, traditional Christmas sugar cookies, lemon bars, rugalach & some goo.

i can't call it by it's name for 2 reasons, most importantly i can't remember the name, but also (as B who was so quickly to point out) it didn't turn out right, so i don't have the liberty to call it by it's rightful name, so it shall be referred to as "goo".

the "goo" was a simple recipe on the sweetened condensed milk label: crushed graham cracker & butter for a crust, then pour the condensed milk, layer coconut, chocolate chips, nuts, bake until brown - simple enough right? well, i still managed to screw it up...betty crocker i am not

my crust didn't set, i didn't have bars, i had goo - but it is unquestionably the MOST AWESOME GOO EVER! B was quick to rain on my parade, "wonder why it didn't set, maybe you used too much of the condensed milk" you know, it's a REALLY rare occasion that I follow a recipe (i consider them more of a guideline), but seriously how could you screw up above?

anyways, so when i made the platters to share for work folk, the goo ended up just being shoveled w/a spoon & left to its own devices, it didn't look pretty but so what. last night while we prepped dinner B & i had a few spoonfuls of goo (yeah he talks shit, but still eats the goo) then Z says "save some for me" & i tell him "i'll try baby, it's only an 11x13 pan, but i'll try".

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

one of my favorite things to do:

get drunk & go shopping:

just don't want to..

I just don't want to do anything, don't want to go anywhere. I'm not sad or anything I just don't want to do anything.

Last night we were supposed to take our Christmas portraits in front of the tree. Well, let me correct that, we were supposed to do it all last week once we got the tree up & it never happened, then we were supposed to do it over the weekend, that didn't happen either, so we were supposed to do it last night, but I still didn't want to, so it still hasn't happened – nor am I upset about it….

At about 6:00 I convinced Z to play a game of "pretend to take a nap" sounds like fun huh? I curled up in bed & he organized the blankets on top of me, then he organized them again, then a little more, maybe it was five times, hopping around like a little bunny on crack…finally he settled down & he talks & talks & talks some more. The child has more energy at any given time than I ever have had in my entire life. I think we should change his middle name to Nuclear…hmm…Nuclear Reactor…Nuclear Energy…I'll have to discuss with B….

The "pretend to take a nap" game ended up being just a tease with the energetic kid so I got up & put on my jammies, yeah at 6:30, no portraits happening again.

Then Z asked what was I going to do, because I always have a list of crap I gotta do. But I didn't want to do anything so I said I was going to "turn into a pile of goo" & he questioned "your going to play with a pile of poo?" – that made me lol.

This morning was kinda gloomy, got my hopes up that it might rain. Dark, gloomy heavy rain for days would be awesome. I love the rain. I even opened up the blinds at the office, welcoming the dark clouds "come over HERE!!!" The blinds are usually closed to block out the fire balls the sun shoots out in the summer or the frozen air (not enough moisture in the air for snow) in the winter. But the clouds aren't coming this way, they're dissipating & the darned sun is coming out.

Thank goodness I don't have anything to do here at work really. If someone told me I had some work to do I would probably tell them to kiss my ass, I'm done for the year.

Monday, December 17, 2007

locked out of ghetto house

locked out might not be the right phrase, it wasn't on accident, it wasn't on purpose, but I was unable to get inside my house & the door was open. Let me backtrack & give you a little detail about the ghetto house…

I'm not putting down the town, I'm not putting down the neighborhood when I say "ghetto house" – I'm straight out talkin bout da house itself. For many years the house was a rental, the walls have many shotty repair jobs, the backyard is a sandlot with weeds & piles of dog poop (I don't know what L's deal is, but as soon as I clean it all up she must poop again; I guess she's claiming her yard, so there's always at least 1 fresh pile of poop in the yard).

Anyways, we've had many people tell us about our party house (seriously the avis rental chick told B "oh, I've been to lots of parties here" when she dropped him off) & we've even had a friend of a friend tell us he lost his virginity in our living room (how quaint) & about how the police would park on the street that's behind our backyard wall & shine their flashlights over the fence to look for underage drinkers!

the kitchen has a sliding glass door to the backyard & if you've been to the house, you've seen how Z has meticulously decorated the glass with hundreds of stickers & return address labels. We knew from day one the door was crap & let Z have some fun with it. The sand from the backyard has destroyed the rollers at the bottom of the door, so you have to pick it up basically to move it open or closed. Z uses the other door because he can't open/close this one.

One day last week I went in the backyard to do something & because it's freezing outside, I closed the door behind me – bad mistake…can you guess what happened…yeah, I couldn't open the fricken door to get back inside!!!!!! It was open, I could put my arm inside but I couldn't move the door! So there I am, in my own back yard, stuck. So I holler for B, but I know he's in his alternate world (ie, playing his computer game) & he's got headphones on (to tune out reality as much as possible). So I whine "BBBBB!!!!", then start thinking I'm going to have to go over to the computer room & break the window in order to get his attention so I can come inside.

But thankfully he heard me…yeah…I got to come inside where it was warm.

Being helpless sucks!

Monday, December 10, 2007

weekend wrap up

we made it down to town, but didn't get portraits taken

i've officially California-ized B, he eats (& likes) real sushi (see Sho's Garlic Salmon bowl entry below) & on Saturday he bought his 1st pair of Vans. i hate to admit it, but he didn't even KNOW what Vans were until his late 20s, a shame, i know...but i love him & it only took me like 10 years to convert him.

A Z story: out of nowhere Z says that Lady is an adult. i explained to him that L is actually younger than he is, we got her when we moved to the house here, she's almost 2 years old & that he is 5. he said "but she has brown eyes, so she's an adult" - obviously there's no disputing that logic.

One more for Z: lately he's been saying "Chaa" just a funny little sound, so as we were shopping we were "Chaa"-ing back & forth, then he calls me "ChaaChaaMomma"

Sunday, December 9, 2007

yeah, the time is near

I can tell…normally I don't even care for sweet stuff, just isn't my thing, but lately I've noticed the cravings getting worse & worse. Now I'm like a crack addict looking to score my next hit & when I get it, boy is that sugar high GOOD!

PMS isn't easy…

We picked up some danish at costco, you know cheese filled danish. On Sunday morning B brought out a plate for everyone for breakfast, but it was just too early for me. Z didn't like the cheese (not sure he's mine after all) so B took his leftovers. Then I hollered at B "PUT THE CHEESE DOWN" he knew it was a life threatening situation, so he listened (smart man). He doesn't know how lucky he is that I haven't eaten the cheese centers out of the entire tray & just left the bread behind! i'm exercising a ton of self control here...

Friday, December 7, 2007

list for B

B's been down in SD this week, so before he left i gave him a list of places to go & things to pick up:

Henry's/Boney's/Trader Joe's - whatever, just one of those stores for dried apricots & cranberries, pine nuts & raw almonds

Fish store - our fish tank has hit a low, we only have 2 fish, 1 shrimp, a couple of hermit crabs & 3 snails. the snails are predators, i'm glad they can't escape the tank. i used to think they were really cool because they have like a probiscus thing & when they go under the sand they shoot that up & can basically smell when i put food in the tank & come out to eat. when our last fish died not only did these snails feast on him (i know, that's what they are supposed to do) but they violated the fish with their probiscus. it was a quite a lesson in the circle of life for Z, i was scarred by it. for days Z kept on asking me to put the dead fish back in the tank so he could watch them eat!

butcher shop - to pick up some good steaks

we'll see what he comes home with...

UPDATE - work got in the way of personal shopping, B made it to the fish store, but their supplies were limited. he also made it to the butcher shop, however the steaks were $17/lb!!! no steak for momma, darn it....

Daily Tantrum

instead of doing a daily photo entry, i'm thinking about making a daily tantrum entry, so everyone can enjoy the perplexities of my life...

this morning started out well, then as i was blow drying my hair & the antsy dog was trying to figure out what she was supposed to be doing (she loves being inside but has no idea what she's supposed to do, so she's constantly walking around on checking everyone making sure they're doing whatever they're supposed to be doing) & her anxiety bothers me so i hollered at her to "go lay down like a normal dog" as the blow dryer is going & as soon as i stop talking i hear noise. screaming, shouting, ear piercing, stream of noise from Z's room. absolutely, completey incoherent, but could tell by the tone it wasn't pain, it was pissed off. thankfully the blow dryer was so close to my head otherwise my ears probably would have been bleeding.

i go ask Z what caused his outburst & explain to him whatever it was that he said i didn't hear because i had the blow dryer on & the voice he used was in a tone too high for humans to comprehend. instead of repeating what he said he hollered back at me "you did understand! you did understand!" so i walked away.

then he walked back into my bedroom & announced that he was going to take his darth vador toy to school (which i have told him repeatedly ain't gonna happen). he started to argue with me so i sent him to the corner for a few minutes.

when he came out of the corner he continued to argue with me about something else so i sent him back to the corner & when he threw a tantrum about it i told him the longer he took to get to that corner the longer he would be in the corner & started counting! at about 6 he started to run

after his 2nd round of corner time before 7:30am his demeanor changed. we'll see how he is at the end of the day.

Thursday, December 6, 2007

oh the horror

this morning Z threw a fit because his blue eyes looked green - to have such problems!

oh, today was my last scheduled counseling session. i'm thrilled to announce we both agreed things have been going so well that it is no longer needed - hear that??? it's a sigh of relief!!!

Tuesday, December 4, 2007

trying to help

because we've been on the go quite a bit lately we spent this past weekend cleaning up the house. yeah – we, B helped, or tried to help…

he chose to sweep/mop & do bathrooms. so I gathered all the bathroom cleaning gear & explained to him the powder & brush were for the tub, use the funny spout thing & toilet brush for the toilet, use the spray stuff & the sponge on the counter & sink.

he starting sweeping while i worked on the fish tank. i had to go out to the garage for something & inadvertently found my missing turkey baster in one of his tool boxes. you know the missing turkey baster that no one knows where it's at. so i walked to the bathroom to ask him about said turkey baster & find him with his hands in the toilet. no gloves, using Z's tub brush.

all concerns about the turkey baster were gone & he knew from the look on my face whatever i came there for originally, no longer matter. i tried to cover it up, I tried to talk about the turkey baster, but he knew that i was on a higher level about something. So trying not to spin i asked as calmly as i could "why aren't you using the toilet brush?" & he simply says "oh, I forgot" but it's RIGHT THERE & NOW YOU HAVE YOUR HAND IN A TOILET!!!!! i don't care that it's our toilet & that I cleaned it last weekend, it's still a toilet! i would have to have a full body hazmat suit along with a face mask to stick my hand in a toilet, yes, even my own toilet.

- on the walmart list a new tub brush

then later in the day, he's preparing the tenderloin for dinner & i see he's taken it out of the package & it's laying in the kitchen sink. that would be the same sink the earlier in the day i used to dispose of water from the fish tank & other things but had not had the chance to spray with bleach yet.
i tell him he shouldn't have the meat sitting in there, so what does he do? he takes it out & puts it on the counter. no plate, no pan, no cling wrap, no foil, just there on the counter. the next time i walk in the kitchen it's on the counter on the opposite side of the kitchen. i'm sure he also rolled it on the floor a few times & maybe used it somewhere along the line while he was cleaning the bathroom…

Monday, December 3, 2007

flex Fridays

i'm so going to miss flex Fridays whenever it is that we do move away from here. not only is it a 3 day weekend, more importantly it's a school day for Z! don't get me wrong, i know it sounds rather heartless, but IT'S A FREE DAY, sometimes even B has to work & i get a day of ME time. not that it's an exciting day...usually involves things like a bath so hot it turns my skin red, gorging on martha stewart & home & garden magazines, a facial, plucking my eyebrows (not just the thick ones growing halfway down my eyelid!), maybe even a mani/pedicure.

so on friday, B does me the favor of taking Z to school so i can stay in bed & when Z comes to kiss me before leaving for the day he says "are you going to stay in this bed ALL DAY LONG?" it was only 7:45am, it's not like it was noon & that attitude...hello???...don't i deserve a bit of a break

i was taken aback by the question, so it took me a minute to think of a response because a simple "no" wouldn't suffice, so i explained "in a little while i'm going to get up & lay on the sofa for the rest of the day". he didn't have a response for that.

it rained that day, dark & gloomy, loved it. i did get out of bed so i could lounge on the sofa & enjoy the rain. we had a quiet weekend. Z laughed a lot.