Wednesday, July 28, 2010

spider in my face

GAH how i wish i was joking....

i don't think i've talked about this before, but i'm pretty girlie when it comes to spiders, um, bugs, uh, creepy crawly type things...yeah ALL OF THEM!!! that's why i don't camp...

but growing up in a testosterone free house i didn't think much about killing a bug or spider, it's what you do. it wasn't until i was in my early 20s & i was visiting a friend in her new apt & there was a spider & she flung a magazine at it & i sat back & wondered what the heck she was thinking. i mean that's not how you go about killing something. she told me her dad always done the killing, so although she was a few years older than me she was helpless.

in our house, Z calls me when he finds a bug or spider. B will usually just leave it, he knows it drives me crazy. i don't mess around, a shoe or something hard, preferably not my hand, but sometimes i don't have time. [yeah i KNOW how disgusting that is & i totally remember being a kid & nana smushing roaches with her hand & wondering how in the world she could do that!!! but honestly time is of essence & you CAN wash your hand or would you prefer the bug to continue existing in your home?]

anyways, self proclaimed bug fanatic, the other day i woke up with a couple of bites on my legs. B thought I'd gotten bitten working in the yard, but i said no, i was pretty sure something got me in bed. so i washed the sheets & blanket, vaccuumed around & under the bed & even sprayed the room some.

that was a few days ago.

last night just after 2am i was dreaming i was in this large building searching throughout various hallways for some large charting analysis papers, large 2X3s like maps, by someone named Mitzsomethingjapanese & the files began under series 1100something [can someone please tell me WHY i can remember stupid details to dreams but reality is all soft & fuzzy?]



i felt something on my forehead!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i reached up with my left hand, grabbed, smushed & threw all in one motion.

then i laid there for a few minutes trying to figure out if the shit crawling on my forehead was real or not.


i was pretty sure it was so i got up & turned on the bathroom light & looked around the floor. although it took a bit i found the dark spot in the carpet & grabbed a tissue & got it.

it's f-ing huge!


& it was on my face!

i sat there & stared at it while it moved about a bit, dying, as i'd ripped out 3 of it's legs. once i felt comfortable that it was dead enough i grabbed a small glass from the kitchen & put it over it & i stared at it for sometime. i couldn't stand it so then i went & looked it up, exactly what i needed, to look at spider pictures.

i think it's a grass spider which is harmless, but i prefer him dead.
than alive.
on my face.
in my bed.

B made fun of me bc i have him under glass but i told him the glass isn't for the spider, it's for me, for my own peace of mind. i slept with the light on last night & today i vacuumed again, but i found a web between the wall & mattress by my pillow that wasn't there a few days ago.

so my nightly routine will now include a mattress inspection with a chancla [that'd be flip flop to non-spanish speaking folk] in hand.

oh & needless to say i've been jumpy all day the middle of the day Z & i were in the backyard & something big came flying at me, i didn't even see it, i just heard it's engine & i totally screamed out! B asked if i was ok & i told him a helicopter bug was after me. then in the evening when Z & i went for a walk i heard something in the bushes & a bunny popped out. A BUNNY! & i screamed like it was a rabid animal coming to eat me!

time keeps on slipping

[that's actually from a REALLY old song i remember listening to as a kid, rest of the line goes "into the future" - duh, where else should time go?]

so this is a nana update:
the stint thing went well & the next day (7/20) they transferred nana to a rehab facility (not that kind of rehab). my mom went with me to see her before the transfer & it was really good that we were there with nana as she was big time scared. she was worried about who was going to take her, like the hospital was just going to throw her out to the curb...hello, your in LJ, they don't do that there....

i called my cousin ME & thankfully she went down to the new joint after work to check on nana. ME said nana was pretty out of it, but i'm sure it helped ease nana's worries to see a familiar face even if she thought it was a dream.

7/21 - i visited nana, the place seemed nice, a bigger single room than the hospital, nice furniture & a sliding glass door to a big garden.

7/24 - nana told the nurse (Genie) she didn't want the pill that gave her diarrhea bc she had it bad all night, that she had it since the night before & after the night nurse cleaned her all up, she told her not to call again. so nana spent the night covered in her own fecal matter.

Genie was appalled, said an investigation would happen & confirmed with the morning nurse (Vanessa) that nana was in rough shape in the morning (she had to dress nana in borrowed clothes). i met with the social worker (Doris) to fill out the regular paperwork stuff & the first nurse & she also spoke about nana's incident. i left there unhappy about what had happened, but hopeful that the situation was being handled.

7/26 - i went back & no one knew anything of the incident & there was no documentation what so ever. i spoke with a completely different set of people & this time watched as the social worker (Pat) documented it.

the entire incident had been swept under the rug & now days later, when they asked nana about it she couldn't remember, thought it was a dream, didn't want to get anyone in trouble.

but at least there's something in writing now.

7/28 - i met nana at the hospital for x-rays & drain removal, she said all was well at rehab. she was relieved i met her there & nervous again about what was going to happen, but really it was only like 1/2 hour for everything & before we knew it they were telling us to leave. nana wanted me to ride back to rehab with her in the ambulance!

oh, yeah, B called the head honcho of nana's facility & threatened all kinds of things, supposedly nana should be getting rock star treatment now.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

talking to walls

i think my child & my mother are having on contest on who can listen to me less...

i realize Z is a boy
& he's 8
most of all he's B's son.

here goes the mom rant:
i'm driving down the freeway to pick her up & suddenly the road turns into a parking lot. i'm near her exit, so i call her & let her know the roads bad so we'll need to get going right away when i get there.

her response - ok, i'm going to go walk the dogs now

??? - i'm literally 5 minutes away & now miffed

as i approach her place every person i see walking a dog is getting stared at until i realize it's not my mother; thankfully she's not still out dog walking. i park all half-hazzard in front of her house & go up to the door only to discover she doesn't have it open [screened] so she can at least hear the car or me approach. i ring the doorbell & she opens it & she's still brushing her teeth.

!!! - at this point mom is winning the race & i haven't even spent a minute with her.

i don't say anything bc i can't [which probably makes this all the more infuriating] & on the drive she tells me her dr's office called & she has an appt on monday. previously her friend T had been taking her to these appts, so i asked was that what was going to happen, or if she was going to drive [remember they gave her thumbs up the other day] or if she needed me to take her. T has to work so she can't take her, she's decided she'll drive herself.

me - ok, well have you driven around your area yet to see how it feels? how's your reaction time? are you in any pain?

mom - no, not yet

so she hasn't driven locally but she thinks she's going to be ok getting on 2 freeways, dealing with traffic & parking???????

mom - well, now that you mention the traffic is making me nervous & i'm not even driving.

i think i just blacked out bc i don't even remember the conversation beyond that point...probably took every ounce of self control to not explode & question wtf is she really thinking?

after her therapy & driving back home we resume the conversation bc she still on the whole "i'll drive myself" delusional trip. while i don't think it's impossible for her to do, i just think that shouldn't be her first time driving after 6 or 7 weeks on a new knee. so i'm trying to talk to her about going on a drive somewhere before monday to try it out.

she needed to pick up a prescription, so i suggested maybe we go to her house & she could drive from home to the pharmacy; 3 blocks, 2 lights, not a lot of driving, but something.

then she tells me:
"well the car hasn't been driven in so long, i don't know if it will start"

& she's going to wait for monday when she's going to a dr's appt to find out????

she doesn't make any f***ing sense at all...

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

mom & Z updates

mom - 2 days after burying my dad, mom went in for her complete knee replacement surgery. i went to see her everyday in the hospital & cousin S came to take care of her for the 1st week home.

it's been a tough recovery for my mom, we're not good with that whole dependent thing, not to mention all the pain she's been in. she told me the drugs were good, although coming down wasn't...yeah, she totally went through withdrawals.

therapy has been tougher than she expected, but finally they told her she can drive, if she feels she's up to it. i told her to stay close to home, don't go out if it's busy & cover the brake with her left foot just in case her right one doesn't make it over in time.

all we need is her getting in a accident....


the boy - .....
do we have to go here?
he's trying to be good, but you know, that's like hard & stuff, it requires thinking ahead & self-control, stupid things like that...

he's going 2x/wk to a place to play with other kids & socialize, fun right? that's the objective, except for the past...i don't know 3 or 4 weeks he's brought home one note a week.

they're not nice notes.

one a week.

he goes 2x a week.

we're waiting for the shape up or ship out letter/talk...

Monday, July 19, 2010


i'm making updates FINALLY!!!
i gave up, the virus won...

virusesssss, too many to count

reinstalled windows & stuff, updating things, but i just realized after posting this & realized i lost my funky font.

i don't remember how i did that.


i have too many other things to write & look up & fix before i can get on that.

9 months ago i asked for a year

7/12 - back in oct when nana first went into the hospital there was talk about her having a tumor. it was all dismissed, it was an obstruction, they did some sort of surgery to skip part of the lower stomach parts & she was all better.

on fri nite nana's caregiver took her back to the ER bc she was yellow & on sun they transferred her up to SD. she has another obstruction & in the CT scan they discovered it's a tumor. [so it was true] it's large, above her pancreas & blocking the tube where the gallbladder & liver stuffs go -> hence the yellows.

she's in good spirits, no pain, except for hunger pangs & wants to go home.

7/13 - spoke with the doctors, the surgery to remove the tumor is a whipple. it's one of the most invasive surgeries & doc's agree the benefits would not outweigh the risks. also, whatever foreign stuff is growing in her is spreading.

the social worker told me nana should be aware of what's going on & after hearing nana on the phone with my uncle i decided to tell her everything.

her response: "i'm satisfied with what God has given me"

i don't know that i've ever heard my nana reference God, so to hear those words & that reference i knew she understood, although it truly broke my heart.

7/14 - uncle B & daughter show up, we all saw nana off to her surgery, a drain for her liver. i went back in the evening to check on her, her color looked so much better, but she was tired.

since then some days are good, others not so much. there are days where she talks & laughs other days when she just kind of smiles at me.

7/19 - today they put the stint in, the procedure they were supposed to do when the drain went in [the drain requires an external capture bag]. although her veins are collapsing & they're having a heck of a time putting an iv in her, i think the stint is a more promising fix than the drain.

i'm still waiting for the tumor biopsy results, although we're pretty sure it's cancer, it's a matter of identifying what kind & how far along it is.

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

so i had a birthday

um, so yeah, in the middle of things...

let's do a quick recap of the past 2 months:
- found out my dad was in the hospital dying
- buried my dad & found out someone emptied out his bank account while he was incapacitated
- fighting with with bank, dell, papa johns & net10 to recover the stolen $$$
- my mom had knee surgery [thankfully no complications other than a hard recovery]
- now nana's in the hospital & i'm having to face her mortality [i think everyone else has come to terms with it except me]

i turned 39 years old
YAH, let's celebrate!

even if none of that was going on i wasn't too happy or excited about 39. 40 is something to celebrate, 39 is more like the death of your 30s.

B had class in the morning & evening, so we planned on an early dinner. then i got tired & decided i didn't want to get dressed & go out, all i wanted was to go home, get comfy & eat some mexican food.

oh & the boys did surprise me with pjs in the morning.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

the 4th of july

while most people spend their 4th of july going to the beach, we went to the desert...rebels, i know! i guess all those dreams i've been having were somewhat right, minus the trailer parts.

we needed to go check on ghetto house, one of B's old co-worker's was having a BBQ, RW was back from Taiwan & the predicted high was only 102 - practically a written invitation from mother nature. so we went.

i wanted to leave early, but i should know better by now & we didn't get out of here until around 2pm. we showed up just in time for the BBQ (same one from last year) & surprised everyone. well, RW had a feeling we would be there & a quite a few other people from B's old office were there. it was nice to see the gang a year later.

it didn't get dark enough for the fireworks show until almost 9pm so the kids lite fireworks in the backyard bc they just couldn't wait any longer. the show was nice, we parked out in a dirt lot & listened to mexican music. no, it wasn't our music, but someone close to us had it on....

D kept on commenting how she couldn't believe we were listening to that instead of the national anthem or something. i told her it reminded me of being a kid, i just needed some drunk family members around, some shouting & burnt BBQ...& lots of beer cans of course....ah, childhood memories...
i'm glad Z's won't be like that.

after the show we visited another group of friends & then we went over to RW's house to hang out in the backyard. before we knew it all the kiddos past out except Z, he was wide awake loving it. he stayed up the entire time watching cartoons - after 2AM.

when we figured out he wasn't going to go to sleep & how late it was, we all decided to hit the hay. we stayed on base again, but a new spot (beings we're retired we were not welcome at the nice place).

the next morning we stopped by ghetto house. renter wasn't home, so we just checked out the yard, wasn't bad. we know he keeps the house cleaner than i do, so that's not a concern. (hey, at least i can admit it, i have 2 filthy boys...)

Thursday, July 1, 2010

i owe you this one

i've lost the battle with the virus; the laptop will be terminated & hopefully will rise from the dead soon.

that along with my dad's issues & mom's surgery (she's good, i need to write about that too) life's been WAY TOO BUSY!

so here's a little story from a few years ago that i thought i had mentioned before, but i couldn't find anything to backlink it to.

back when we were living in ghetto house we had a party one night. i don't remember the occasion, but a few of B's coworkers came by & we sat out in the back yard & ate & drank. a couple of the friends are lesbians, not that there's anything wrong with that, but it is pertinent to the scene.

early on, one of the women told me i was really pretty. i thanked her & didn't really think much of it, it was a nice compliment.

then as the evening went on she was saying to B "can i borrow her?"
it was funny, sweet.

shift to end of the night & only a few people are left & we're huddled in little group. i don't remember if i was talking to her or if she just walked up out of the blue but the next thing i knew was her hand was on my boob.

& she wasn't letting go.

it wasn't a honk.
it wasn't a quick feel.
not a caress.
not a joke.
total sincerity.

the woman had latched on for dear life.
to my left boob.

i was in shock.
first of all, my boobs have never, EVER been, well, you know, an attraction. next, there was a hand on my boob & it wasn't B's! it wasn't even another man's hand!

i couldn't do or say anything, so i just stood there completely silent in shock with a woman attached to my boob. so i looked over at B & he looked at me & i'm sure my face said something bc he looked down to see why i was paralyzed & yelled out:
"hey everybody LOOK"

& then i died.
but first i removed the hand.
then i proceeded to verbally annihilate B for not defending poor lil me! from a woman who is even smaller than i am. [a detail B thought i should mention - whatever!]