Sunday, January 31, 2010

family catch up

before the world revolved around Z & his elbow, i actually did make family phone calls.

-dad, yes i did call him finally & he was very inquisitive about "what was going on?" although not directly asking why i hadn't called.
i couldn't handle all the people around him saying & thinking "oh what a wonderful loving dad i have & how lucky i am" because it's so not true that i decided the best thing i could do was to just leave him alone to live in his fantasy world. he was even trying to convince me of what a good dad he was; like i forgot or my memory (or lack of memory because he was absent) was wrong.

i talked with a friend though & she suggested i speak with his doctor, there's a lot going on with my dad & maybe this is something the dr needs to know about.

-nana, is doing well, easy to talk to. she was happy & surprisingly could hear well; so much so that B said afterwards "i didn't realize you were on the phone with her, you weren't yelling & you didn't repeat yourself". i called her again to let her know about Z's broken arm.

-mom, yeah, nana was the buffer, totally. mom was easy though, we talked for awhile but then she had to go for a lunch date with a friend. she even called me back later in the day, but she's still acting like nothing happened. weird. i don't want to bring it up, but i know we need to talk it out.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

crap it's been a long week, oh yeah & Z got his cast finally!!

when i put Z to bed last night i reminded him "no school tomorrow, if you wake up early go back to bed, if you wake up hungry get something to eat & go back to bed" [selfish i know, but geez it's not like i'm expecting him to stay in bed until 10, or even 9, just a little past 7 would be nice when we don't have to go anywhere!]

i knew it was going to be a long day [& i was going to be a bundle of nerves].

first thing in the morning i had to call the insurance company again bc of more stupidness. then i had to call children's hospital & talked to several different wrong people to finally get to the right person to only be asked "why are they contacting you about that?" thank you, i have no f-ing clue why primary-insurance-hospital is making the me the middleman. the problem was the referral was only approved for an evaluation (#3) & xray (#2), BUT NOT A CAST.

anyways, so we go to the hospital & after a few wrong turns [even though i know exactly how to get there] we weren't as early as i wanted to be. the orthopedic surgeon looked at the xrays but said they weren't as precise as she needed them to be, so she wanted to take some new ones. she also told us the size of the fracture would determine the procedure - if it was less than 2 a cast would be fine, if it was larger surgery was suggested although not required [but would likely heal improperly].

can you say freak out?
no? well how about this, when Z & I were in the ER hallway & the PA said something about "3" in reference to either Z's or the other boy's xrays....
how about now?

Z had a rough time taking the xrays, just like before....the turning, twisting, holding at an odd angle hurt & made him start to cry. B & I felt that wasn't a good sign either.

thankfully though, the dr came in & showed us her measurements - 1 & 1.4...hahaha, totally not 2!!!!!!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

went to school

although Z wasn't supposed to go to school; i wanted some semblance of normal so i took him anyways. B was worried Z's arm would be too distracting for the class, but i told him it was going to happen to some degree anyways, whether it was that day or the day he showed up with the cast on & Z's teacher certainly wouldn't allow too much of an interruption.

Z loved the attn, of course.

like i said though, teacher allowed it for a couple of minutes, then on with the program. he worked on his daily work-up, participated in the discussion, did some reading, then it was presentation time.

yup, a presentation;
in 2nd grade.

over the christmas holiday Z worked on his 1st report; it was a biography. i expected to have to give him some ideas, but he already knew he wanted to write his report on George Washington. he got 2 books from the library, wrote out a rough draft, then typed it on the laptop. yes, it was difficult, the writing that is, he was actually quite good at typing. he actually finished the report a week early & was the first one to turn it in.

i wasn't aware they were presenting the reports though. as i filed test results i listened to reports on: michael jackson, geronimo & miley cyrus. [actually, scratch that, i didn't listen to the last one, sorry, i guess the filing got interesting...] then Z went up & i was surprised at how sure of himself he was. he started out a little slow, the dates were a bit much, but then he read his report just fine.

before we left school i asked Z to show me where he fell. it was a large plastic jungle gym, he was about 3.5-4ft from the ground when he slipped, thankfully landing on woodchips.

later i was talking with Z & telling him how proud i was of him; that his presentation was very good & he seemed comfortable talking in front of the class. he told me that really he wasn't, he was nervous. it was pretty cute.

we went home & Z ate like 4 things in 2 hours, i guess using those brains cells really depleted him. he was really emotional too, so much so that i sent him to bed. after about 15 min i went & joined him so i could read a book of poetry to him; it was Emily Dickinson & we agreed, her writing was a tad weird.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

insurance stupidity

i called children's hospital right away but the earliest appt was thurs afternoon. the appt setter suggested i call back later in the day explaining once appts were filled they would open an evening clinic so i might be able to schedule something earlier later. [that made sense right?]

then a few hours later i got a call from the hospital telling me we needed a referral from Z's primary dr, that ins wouldn't cover the specialist without it. insurance rules are ridiculous! i have xrays from the er verifying a broken bone, why does the primary need to get involved? isn't that a step backwards or am i just stupid?

i call the primary & tell them we need a referral, that i tried to take him there but was told to leave, that where they told me to go was closed, that i ended up in er, that i already have xrays, that he doesn't really need to be seen, all i need is a stinkin referral so he can get his cast on at children's, blah, blah, blah, don't get me started!!!!

they don't give referrals out to patients who aren't established, so yes, he did have to go in for an appt. [gee wonder why our healthcare systems is so f-ed up? everyone needs their cut...] oh & i didn't find that out directly either, when i called & explained the situation they forwarded me to someone where i left a vm & i never got a call back; we went down there out of desperation to get the referral.

we got all checked in & actually got to met Z's dr, she said she had received a call early in the morning requesting her referral but she couldn't give it out beings she had never seen him before. again, i explain the glorious days' events to her & she told us under normal circumstances they could have done everything the er had done except they were extraordinarily busy that day & their xray machine was down.

she also told us if anything like that happened again to just take him directly to children's. [oh & B called the ins, yeah, we ain't welcome on base.] the only new guidance she gave us was she didn't want him going to school until he had a real cast on, he was too rambunctious & bound to hurt himself further if we didn't restrict his actions with a straight jacket.

Monday, January 25, 2010

the elbow story

today was supposed to be an easy day; the boys were off at school, a week's worth of rain had just finished up, i was planning on cleaning house & running a few errands but before i got anything started i went to check the mail. as i headed out the door i stopped & chatted with the neighbor which ended up being about half an hour.

i was leaving as her cell phone rang;
except the call was for me.
we have her listed as Z's emergency contact at school, so they were trying to reach me & i didn't carry my phone to the mailbox [bc that's just crazy].

Z fell on the playground during lunch recess; she said the way he was holding his arm had her concerned & he should see a dr. i found him in the office; he held his arm close to him, elbow in, said it hurt to fully extend & he couldn't twist it. i called his primary dr & told them he might have a fractured arm [we're all new at this civilian stuff, so i wanted to be sure i was doing the right thing] & they said "yeah, bring him on in".

we get there & i realize our primary care facility is a free clinic. [not that i was expecting anything swank, but the base hospital is high class in comparison.] the receptionist tells me they are swamped, the wait time is hours & they don't have an x-ray machine [ie, shit that should have been said on the phone] so she refers me to an urgent care facility.

i get on the road & head to UC not sure it's the right thing to, maybe i should just go to base? so i turn around to go the opposite direction a little way & then think about the fact that we are no longer military, we're X-military, what if i drive all the way over there only to be told they can help him?


i'm driving & saying "i don't know what to do" & Z's in the backseat calmly saying to me "i'm sorry you don't know what to do momma" [cute or what? while momma has her little meltdown...]

i turn around again & go to UC....only to discover it's 2:30 & they don't open until 4!!!! they had some sort of clinic or something so at least the doors were open & the woman told me to take him back north to the hospital.


um, i think it was about 3 hours of bs before i finally got Z to a place where someone could help him...good thing he wasn't bleeding bc i sure got the fricken run around. he got checked in, triaged & xrayed [that's when i realized he really was hurt, up until that point i was thinking it was possible he just was hamming it up a bit].

he broke his elbow just above the bend; apparently it's a weak spot & can often be a really bad break, but thankfully his was minor. it was kind of weird, right after we were triaged a boy walked in with his left arm all bandaged up too; he followed us through xray & diagnosis & he had the same break as Z. that made it made it easy for the PA to explain everything to all us.

as we waited there in the hallway a guy on the medical staff came through & told us they had 2 more arm problems, like Z had started a trend. they ended up bringing all the arm patients to the same hallway so we were all together.

the tech came out to wrap Z's arm up so we had to take his shirt off & that's when we saw the damage. let me start off with saying Z has some of the thinnest lil arms you can imagine, but when we pulled of his shirt his elbow looked more like an ankle.

he got all wrapped up with a temp-splint & were sent off with instructions to schedule an appt with an orthopedic surgeon[!!!!] in a day or two.

Friday, January 22, 2010

thank you state of california

i went in to Z's class this morning & his teacher told me yesterday the title 1 instructor did some random placement testing & guess what?

Z's kicking ass!
ok, that's not exactly what she said....

Z will no longer participate in the title 1 reading program;
he's getting kicked out.

because not only is he at grade level, he tested out at 2nd grade end of the school year!!!

so can we just move on to 3rd grade now?
yeah, probably not, but this is good, real, real good!!!

i guess that means we're having a weekend of lego star wars to celebrate; i better tape up my thumb now. the boy loves that game so much he talks about it every single day & when he comes home from school he gives me an update about what level his classmates are on too. i'm actually starting to learn the character names; well some, i still say "pony-tail-jedi-dude" but i got jarjar now, he used to be "the-jumpy-guy".

Thursday, January 21, 2010

when i was a kid

i used to think i was adopted. i would spend hours looking at my birth certificate searching for white out, typos, something that would tip me off that it was a fake. i didn't think it was possible that i could truly be related to my parents; adoption had to be the answer.

physically i look nothing like either one of them. my mom is a short, compact, curvy, black haired, brown eyed mexican woman. my dad is a tall, thin, lanky, dirty blond, blue eyed, red skinned [native american indian background] caucasian man.

then there's me:
tall compared to my mother, but short compared to average.

i don't have long legs or a long torso, but i'm not compact the way my mom is either. on a good day, when she's wearing a highly supportive bra, i would say there's about 2" between the girls & her waist - so about as compact as one can get. i remember when i was a little girl & she would help me get dressed & she would pull my pants up, WAY up so they would sit what felt like my throat practically & finally i would yell "you're hurting my peepee" [seriously she was!] my pants so dang high! then she would tell me that's where her waist was [around her throat somewhere, so we're all clear...].

i'm not curvy. i'm getting curvy after having a child, turning 38 years old & finally getting a little meat on my bones. my mom however had curves that would stop traffic when she weighed 100lbs...

my hair is dark brown & my eyes are too, although not as dark as my mom's.

i guess i ended up being a weird mixture of the two.


lately on our trips to the library Z's been picking out some of the books they have on display. they're appropriate for his reading level, so i don't see the harm, but they're usually books that are a little off the beaten path. a few that he's brought home recently included something along the lines of:

"we just moved"
[we moved 6 months ago, no big deal] then there was:

"my adoptive mommy is the best mommy"
[it's good for him to learn about different family types] but the best one was:

"my parents are getting a divorce"
[which he got when the in-laws were visiting & i'm pretty sure no matter how much i tried explaining Z picked it out by himself, there was nothing behind it, blah, blah, blah, everything is fine with B & I, etc, that yeah, they think something is amiss. such is life].

then Z asked me the other day - am i adopted?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

woohoo, me time, finally!

(ie, B finally started school today) ahem....

so ready for catch up? not a lot has been going on, but here it is:

- dad, um, i haven't gone to see him or called him. i'm much happier, although a tad guilty, will call him soon, in a day or two....or twelve....meh

- mom, i haven't called since the birthday visit; but that was just last week, i hope that's not a big deal. i see it as the phone works both ways, but i have a feeling she doesn't see it that way.

- nana is doing well, especially now that the convalescent home scare is over. [so glad i called my uncle B & got that all straightened out, had everyone scared for no reason!] she's going 2x a week to her senior center social gathering place, so that's excellent & she just told me the dr cleared her to start exercising to get her muscles stronger! YAH!

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

family funnies - kitchen

i made cosido (mexican beef & veggie soup) took some over when i visited nana a week or two ago. a few days later when i called her she told me the soup was really good "that i cook like a real mexican" - now that's a compliment!


remember last month when B's mom made the chicken & dumplings? well, i tried it [both - as in making chicken & dumplings & following a recipe]. well, sort of...

i didn't measure anything when it came to the soup part. i went all wild & crazy & put onion, garlic & celery in when i cooked the chicken [this is why B loves me, i'm all about living life on the edge]. i did follow the recipe when it came to the dumpling things, except i added celery leaves along with the parsley to them. B's aunt taught me to use the celery leaves & i love it!

anyhoo, i did it. i made chicken & dumplings & for the most part i followed a recipe. Z loved the dumplings & B told me i can cook white people food too.


the other day B & I picked out some fresh bread rolls & were trying to figure out dinner around them. I decided to make tuna & then we thought soup would go nicely with it. Z went over to the refridgerator & looked "we don't have any soup momma". so i told him we were going to have canned soup & he looked at me like i was insane.

it was tomato soup, so once it was in a bowl he found it acceptable. i have yet to make homemade tomato soup. kid has no idea how good he has it, i grew up on campbell's [not that it's bad, just homemade is so much better!].

Saturday, January 16, 2010

stinkin spammers

ok, so first i added the captcha thingie because of the spam comments; it helped & i seemed to drop off the radar.  however, the past few months i'm back in the limelite again.  i don't like limelight.  not at all.

i went back & changed things again; so now i review all comments, captcha like it's going out of style, took my listing off search engines, etc.  this isn't how i wanted it, but i don't like the spam or the pervs posting stuff.  sorry for the inconvenience.

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

nobody got beatdown, so i'll consider that a win

remember, like a month ago, Z had a his after-school place? yeah....

we decided in addition to the punishment we'd already doled out, he wouldn't be allowed to go back the first week after christmas holiday. then we had to write out a plan for how things were going to work when Z acted up again. first he has to do all his homework for the week, then he's only allowed to go for one hour.

oh & we also decided that whole "in the corner time-out" so does not work for this kid. i mean, so what? who cares? he certainly doesn't. go stand in the corner ain't nothing but a thing for him. not a deterrent at all, so now it's push-ups [bringing usmc style]. if he doesn't do something the first time he's told, 10 push-ups; talking back, another 10; after that he's pretty good about listening & watching his mouth. the other day i told him "drop & give me 20" like a drill sergeant & he was lost [oops, we start with 10....don't piss me off kid!].

today was the day of one hour....intense right?
we actually strayed from the plan already; the lady in charge felt bad about Z not going, so we allowed to him to stay a little longer but he had to do some homework there. he was good & did his work, so YAH for Z!

he gave me some lip at home though; this kid's gonna have some biceps in a few weeks.

Saturday, January 9, 2010

the birthday

so yeah, we've kinda talked, but things are far from normal. i had called my mom twice since then to let her know about nana & the convalescent home possibility & about my dad going to the hospital.

i want things to be normal with my mom, but i wish i had a little more time to prepare myself to go from ex-communicado to "happy birthday" you know? it's feels a little false....

picking out a card was a fun challenge; all those "i know i can always count on you" feeling it. finally i found something that said happy birthday & we love you.

i had called her & set up taking Z over for her birthday, so fri after school that's where we went. i wasn't sure how it was going to work, but surprisingly she invited me in & we sat & talked. i thought i might stay a bit, but i ended up staying for about 3 hours. we never mentioned the "not talking" scenario just caught up on the last 6 weeks.

i still don't understand what happened with my mom. it's extremely difficult for me to talk to her now. i can't joke with her. i can't be sarcastic. i'm on eggshells worried about how she's going to interpret whatever i say because if there's any possible negative interpretation, that's the one she's going to hear.

Thursday, January 7, 2010

besides family crap...

wow, so besides all the crazy family drama Z had 2 weeks off for christmas & new years & B is off for 4 weeks between semesters. at first i was worried about all that time, all of us home, together, nowhere we had to be for 14 days in a row could spell disaster....but it wasn't....not at all.

it was nice.

how crazy is that? well, to be honest if that would have been bad, i would probably be sitting in the loony bin now considering how f-ed up other stuff is/was that we aren't going to discuss today.

B's aunt came to visit us & was here almost the entire time. it was nice to have her here, but i can say once she was gone, boy! RELIEF to be home alone again. Z & I took a big ole nap while B was taking her home....being a hostess takes a lot of energy & planning & niceness [& i'm not good with any of those things]. we didn't do much during the vacation though, auntie uses a walker so we didn't want to go anywhere that required much walking. Z was good the whole time, i think having auntie around was a great buffer, so no complaints.

CRD visited us TWICE. yup, the day she flew into town she stopped by & brought us all some hawaiian goodies, including a little ukulele for Z. then again after christmas she had a couple of free hours so she came over & Z played the ukelele & sang a song for her.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

just add water

a couple of days after christmas we were at the movies watching avatar [btw it was good, didn't watch it in 3d but still i almost fell out of my chair] when i got 2 phone calls. i listened to the vm during the movie & it was a woman telling me my dad was in the hospital. after the movie i tried calling the hospital to no avail; so i ended up calling the woman back, she told me my dad has emphysema, his lungs are shot from smoking.

i did finally get through with my dad, but he wasn't very forthcoming other than saying he was tired a lot & tired of having to take himself to the doctor. so i called the woman back again & she told me my father had been mentioning suicide to the nurses.

my dad ended up getting transferred to a local hospital, so i went to see him on sunday. B went with me although we decided it would be better for him to stay out in the waiting room [my dad ignores me if B is present, great family dynamics huh?]. i wasn't sure what i was going to walk into & was surprised at how well he actually was doing. he wasn't on oxygen, his breathing wasn't labored, his color was good, although he was thin as rail, but he was the last time i saw him too.

he had eaten, he talked a lot about everything under the sun & finally he said he was tired [i was cross-eyed]. when i left i asked to speak with the dr to get the truth about my dad's status. the dr told us they were giving my dad methadone for his back pain, his emphysema was bad although he didn't need oxygen, he was almost finished with his tb recovery, he hadn't been eating bc of his back pain & was on suicide watch.

that's a lot to take in.

the next time i visited him, he asked me to bring him a hamburger & fried cheese sticks [for the man who had a heart attack in is 50s & has stints in his veins]. i asked the nurse & at first she said no [which was my choice] but then she said yes, to a grilled chicken sandwich. then when i told her what he wanted she said ok to the hamburger, only once & no fried cheese. then i had to go around & found out my dad's cell phone wasn't charging bc he'd put the charger plug in backwards too many times & both the charger & phone ports were broken.

i didn't stay long for this visit, i was tired before i got there. i did talk with his social worker though, she told me i was listed as his next of kin & decision maker if he's unable to. she asked if i was ok with that? i told her that we weren't close & that i would hope there was someone out there that was closer to him, but if he put me down, i must be it.

i told her one of my main concerns was once he was done with his hospital stay, he shouldn't go back to where he was living. he needs to be in a more social environment, he can choose not to participate in the activities, but if he returns to where he was, it'll just be a matter of time before he's depressed again. i know he has a quite a few major health problems, but i think the loneliness is what's bothering him the most.

i talked with my dad again today & it seems like he thinks can just add water & we'll be an instant family. he talked for over an hour about nothingness. he told me he wants B to take him for a drive so they can talk; i'd already had my fill so i told him he needed to work on his relationship with me not the one with my husband. he told me he wants me to bring him a hamburger every day; i told him his nurse only allowed that one time & he needs to eat healthy food.

i decided i needed to take a break from him; i can't handle this much of him in my life.

Saturday, January 2, 2010

new years

it did happen, but nothing big. we had planned on going to the valley to visit nana & friends, but i found out my dad was in the hospital [next post] & was about to be transferred somewhere local. i know how the hospital works down there; if we went he'd be gone, if we stayed here he'd be down there. it was a bummer to miss out on visiting friends though.

we hung out, watched tv some, B played wow then came out shortly before midnight. Z & I were in the middle of a lego star wars battle & couldn't be bothered with such silliness of a new year being rung in. about 15 minutes later i was off to bed while the boys ate chocolate cake.

talk about partying it up!