Monday, March 31, 2008

a moment of bliss

when husband asks "can i do a load of laundry?"

come to find out it was a load of only his clothing & he wasn’t able to put it in the dryer, or take it out of the dryer, or fold it, or put it away....but there was a fleeting moment of bliss in there...

Saturday, March 29, 2008


on Friday i asked Z if he wanted to go to the library to get new books for our trip down to sd next week. he said yes, but didn’t want to go that day, he wanted to go the next day. i told him that was fine, but if we didn’t make it on Sat we wouldn’t be able to go before our trip.

Sat am i remind him about the library, that if he wants to go, he has to get clothes.
a few hours later he asks me how soon does he have to get dressed, can he wait until dark? no i tell him, it will be closed by dark.
then he contests "but we’ve been there in the dark"
"yes, we have, but it was in the winter"

& all i can think about is how difficult is it to get some clothes on! we don’t have to go to the library if he doesn’t want to go, but this whole getting dressed first thing is a huge obstacle, something he really needs to weigh his options on, do i really need to explain the whole daylight savings, timezone differences, moon’s gravitational pull on the earth, earth orbits the sun bs to him just to get him dressed before it gets dark??????

so finally sometime in the afternoon as i’m passing his room i catch him changing out of his jammies. ok, really he sitting on his bed naked & his trying to figure out where his shin guards go & he’s strapping them on around his thighs. whatever, half way there right?

about 1/2 hour later i call him to the kitchen to help me make some koolaid (his job is to pick out the flavor), & he hollers back at me "i can’t i’m naked"....still...

so i tell him to just hurry up & put some clothes so he can come help me, which he does & we make our koolaid
we sat in the backyard & enjoyed the weather & grass. then he asked me about the shin guards, where do they go & what are they for so i explained to him "when you play soccers the chin guards protect your legs" (no, those aren’t typos & no there was no alcohol in my koolaid, that’s just me slurrying my words)

we never made it to the library, he actually forgot about it & didn’t even ask.

Friday, March 28, 2008

a story about horchata

went to lunch with co-workers today; did mexican, even got a cup of horchata with crushed ice - YUM, just like johnny’s!

i was just finishing up my drink, getting close to the bottom where it’s extra cinnamon-y; tilted it up then saw a large, chunky, gelatinous mass sitting there looking back at me, threatening to fall upon my face.

luckily i put the cup down quickly enough to avoid that; however, my chimichanga is now crawling back up my throat after seeing that mass, it wasn’t pretty.

update 3/28/08 - B thought it was worth while for me to mention the chimichanga, rice, beans & medium horchata was over $12 - i am no cheap date! (easy, but not cheap)

catch me what?

so boss just walked in a few minutes ago....yes, for the first time of the day....yes, it’s after 11AM....& he acts surprised "to catch me working" if!....

i will follow = last american virgin

i love the song "i will follow" by u2, love, love, love it

but can’t hear it without thinking of "last american virgin" remember the scene, where she’s going to get an abortion? going to the scary clinic; the not so cute guy who loves her & helps who through everything; then in the end she goes back to very cute guy who impregnated her & dumped her when she was with child but is willing to screw her again now that she’s not carrying his offspring

yeah, all that from "i will follow"

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

one of those days

ever have one of those days where the more careful, more precise you tried to be, the bigger the mistakes & it’s a constant stream, you can’t stop; like you’re having a contest with yourself on how many times can i screw up in a row????

if i were a brain surgeon, today would be the day i would retire (& go into hiding because of all the malpractice suits)

the bright side is mistakes aren’t hurting or causing trouble to anyone, so i’ve got that going for me

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

winter is officially over

it was 79 when i was doing errands this afternoon & it was HOT!

about 2 weeks ago i was still sleeping in flannel but the past week or so i’ve been waking up in the middle of the night because the house doesn’t get much cooler than 70. in the winter i wake up throughout the night & lower the heater, wake up & lower it some more, continuously until i can sleep.

so when B finally rises from hibernation the house is maybe 60 degrees & he’s freezing while i’ve finally fallen into a deep sleep (after all those trips to the thermostat, to the kitchen for snacks & of course a bathroom trip or 2; i’m exhausted).

i know mid-july i will look back on this day & think what a spoiled brat i was to complain about 79 (when it’s 120 & my clothes are sticking to me while i sit in a puddle of my own sweat & have a headache from the heat). i will wish, hope & pray for it to be less than 80 again.

but today, i am hot, so don’t smell my armpits & we can still be friends

Monday, March 24, 2008

Easter - Sat & Sun

Saturday was the Easter egg hunt, so we did that in the morning. Z ran into one of his buddies there, so that was cute to see them hanging out. then we went to town for the afternoon. we talked & laughed a lot, just like we used to, it was good to feel that again.

Sat nite i was sicker than a dog & didn’t get to sleep until after 5:30am, so needless to say i wasn’t my usual perky self (ha!) for the Easter festivities. when Z got up i took him over to his basket to see his goodies; it was a little sparse this year. the grandmas usually go over the top so i only picked out a few things only to find out both of them sent him cold hard cash. (who knew the Easter bunny was rich? i mean i don’t remember EVER getting cash for Easter?)

the neighbors invited us over for brunch which was really nice & smelled really good but i was afraid to eat although i was hungry & ready to wrestle someone to the ground for their plate of homemade corned beef hash (i was sure to lose in my weakened state, so i didn’t try). we hid eggs for the kids there & it was really fun to see them searching for them. we also did the confetti eggs which is always a blast; Z still cries when he gets one over the head though!

no pain no gain

once we finished the hall bath the next project was the backyard (well, really it’s the broken door to get to the backyard but it’s broken from all the sand so before we replace the door we have to fix the sand problem, i told you it was ghetto!). whenever weather permitted we were out there leveling, digging trenches, laying sprinkler lines, covering sprinkler lines, leveling again, leveling again, leveling again (can we stop leveling now???? evidently not).

once it was leveled to 100ths of an inch from corner to corner we put bags of dirt on our sand. rows upon rows of bags, i didn’t realize how big our yard was until i saw all those bags that had to be opened, emptied of their contents & dang it, we had to level some more (so the first 12 times of leveling didn’t count, didn’t matter, we could have been off a little & no one would have been the wiser?)

the sod was supposed (key words there) to be delivered between 9 & 11am, but they arrived at 8:30 interrupted another round of leveling (& a crude one at that - because we were tired from all the previous ones!). so there sat 3 pallets of sod, i leveled dirt while B placed sod, it’s tough work, not for wimps like me.

after we had a good portion of work done a friend & neighbor showed up almost simultaneously & offered help, i responded with "i’m a woman on my knees, i’m not about to turn down help". their timing was perfect as both B & i were losing our momentum, so their effort gave us extra incentive to get the job done. we finished about 1 or 2pm & the yard looked great!

now we can get a door to the backyard that opens & closes - Whoohoo!

good to be the king

this week is spring break for the kids, last thursday i reminded boss of that (because although it’s not a specified job requirement, part of my job responsibilities lie somewhere in the realm of wifely duties; like reminding him of dr appts or to pick his kids of from school).

he calls this morning after 8 & says, "i’m gonna be in late, i need to figure out what i’m going to do with my son"

what am i supposed to say?
uh, no, your irresponsible & should have already figured that out - you’re fired!

ohhhh, that would have felt good!

Sunday, March 23, 2008

my ham

this entry is a little late, but it’s worth the time of going back...

so remember, i was a little dazed on sunday from my all night affair with the toilet that ran into the wee hours of the morning, but by the afternoon i thought i was doing pretty good. B had purchased the annual Easter ham, so i decided i could handle that, it’s a ham, you throw it in the oven & just make sure you don’t burn it right? the most important part is to remember to remove the plastic wrap & i managed that, then i rubbed it down with some brown sugar & thought it was ready for the oven.

then i noticed the skin was kinda funny, i mean funny even for know why because some asshole out there thought it would be really funny to put a second layer of plastic on my ham!

good thing i didn’t have a drink at lunch that day, we would have had plastic ham for dinner (& a smokin’ house)

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

sawing logs

the other morning B told me i was snoring all night long, which is really hard to believe. not just snoring but he said i was "sawing logs". i don’t think snoring is a big deal, but i’m a really super duper light sleeper & if i make or hear any sound i usually wake up. then he tells me "see how nice i am, i didn’t nudge you or wake you up" because i’m not that nice.

see sharing a bed with B is like sleeping with a wild animal. i’m surprised i’ve never woken up on the floor or across the room for that matter. he tosses & turns throughout the night, snores loudly on occasion & it’s not unusual to wake up with the sheets in complete disorder. when he gets hot he also suffers from what we refer to as "twitchy foot".

one time when we lived in our apt i ended up going to sleep on the sofa early in the morning because i couldn’t fall asleep due to the twitchy foot. just as i would start to fall asleep the bed would shake & this happened over & over. when my alarm went off B came into the living room mad that i wasn’t in bed & said "why are you sleeping out here?" with all kinds of ’tude. so with only 2 hours of sleep i was pretty pissy i responded with "it was either that or cut of your f’ing foot". he was much nicer after that.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

taste like nothing

i didn’t know what to make for dinner last night, i just pulled a chunk of beef out of the freezer. B got home early so i asked him to throw some marinate on there & i’d figure something out when i got home.

i still didn’t really have a clue what to do so i decided to wing it & threw some onions & bell pepper in the pan with olive oil, then a can of stewed tomatos & some seasonings. while that cooked i sliced the meat into bite size pieces & threw that into the pan too, but it didn’t taste like anything so i added more seasonings. more garlic, more italian mixture, more cumin but still nothing. i even added a few sprinkles of cayenne, hoping to get something, but still no luck. i was hungry so i gave up & decided it was time to eat even though i wasn’t pleased with my creation.

when B joined Z & i at the dinner table i told him it didn’t taste like much & he would have to add something to his serving. surprisingly he said it tasted good to him, because he wouldn’t say that just to make me feel good. we went down the list of everything i added & he said, yes, it was good.

then i remembered, maybe my taste buds were a little off from that vodka & white grapefruit juice i was drinking while i cooked dinner...hmmm

Monday, March 17, 2008

hard coded onto the Y chromosome

ok, so Z’s a boy & he’s 5 - no surprises there. for sometime i’ve made a point of not letting him see me change, i either go to a different room, go behind a door, or at least turn around. but last night he was talking (i’m sure he spoke a million words each day he’s been talking so much lately) but he was in the middle of a story so i didn’t leave, i didn’t go behind the door & i didn’t even think of turning around & what happens as i change into my pjs? mid sentence, possible even mid word, he stops talking.

(AHHH, silence, but where does this silence come from??)

although i’m absolutely loving this rare moment of quiet, i feel obligated to look, wondering what’s wrong, why has the constant stream stopped even if only for 10 brief seconds?


yeah, he saw them & i caught him in a mystical stare (just like his father’s). i said "hey you’re not supposed be looking at those" & can you guess what his answer was?

and i quote "I was looking at your eyes"

no fricken joke, that was his answer!

talk about service!

i’m working on my boss’s travel expense report. he gave me an envelope stuffed with receipts from his trip last week. i’ve gone through all of them, sorted by date & started putting the info into the program. lots of receipts for meals & gas, the rental truck, the hotels...then i get to the hotel detail & on one receipt it has the regular room charge, but then there’s another line that says "Fiona’s Room Charge"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ugh, what? what am i supposed to do with that? what field code does that fall under?
direct material?

& for future reference Fiona’s rate is $56.57 for 20.46 minutes.

Friday, March 14, 2008

boys are different

now, i know i talked about a daily tantrum (more of a threat i guess) but i didn’t do it because i could easily see that getting boring, but don’t for one minute think they haven’t been’s a few stories from the past week:

beings B’s worked nights last week Z had to test his boundaries with me. one night as i went into the kitchen to fix dinner i noticed something in Lady’s food dish. i knew i hadn’t put it there & B had been gone since early afternoon & if it was something good, L would have already eaten it. because i didn’t have my glasses on i had to bend down & really get a good look of...........DOG SHIT in the bowl. now here’s the thing, not only did Z have to pick it up & bring it inside, the kitchen door doesn’t work so he had to bring it in from the bedroom door & walk all the way down the hall holding poop! good thing that boy does not have siblings!

on thursday when i picked him up from afternoon school they had 2 great things to tell me...the first was that when Z went to greet his caregiver instead of a hello or something nice like that he yelled at her "i’m going to kill you"...nice huh? the other thing was they told me he tried to flush a jacket down the toilet.

when we drove home we talked about both things, the "i’m going to kill you" was obviously some left over anger issues (he’s been fighting with the boys in class) but where did the toilet thing come from? he explained that he left his jacket at school & he was cold so he borrowed one out of the lost & found. however he chose a pink one & the girls were making fun of him so when he went to the bathroom he left it on the floor in there & he didn’t know who put it in the toilet.

the next morning i had to call him in sick for the day. when i called his afternoon school the guy said he was glad i had called that he wanted to talk to me & asked if i heard about the toilet incident. i told him yes & gave him my side of the story, which was completely different from his. he did say Z gave him one of the funniest moments he had experienced in his 18 yrs of working there (that’s my kid). he said Z completely admitting to shoving the sweatshirt down the toilet. he also said not only was it pink, it was VERY pink, magenta pink (hence the girls making fun of him).

rough night

we’ve all been on the cusp of getting sick again; sneezy, snotty & coughy us 3. the weather’s changing, daylight savings passed & school threw in some minimum days; all ended up being too much for the little one. every morning he said his belly hurt & his appetite was depressed.

on thursday night he had soup for dinner & was off to bed. as i was falling asleep i heard a cough but i wasn’t sure if i dreamt it or it was real, then i heard the 2nd cough. i went to check on Z & the top 1/2 of his bed was covered in puke. i don’t know if he was still asleep or in shock because i told him to go to the bathroom but he didn’t move so i had to pick him up & carry him (as he puked more in my hand). thankfully B heard the commotion & i told him i needed his help. so i took care of Z while he took care of the bedding which was a blessing because it smelled SO BAD! i ended up doing like 6 loads of laundry for all the bedding, towels, rugs, pj’s, pillows - washed 2x in hot water with extra soap & extra rinse cycle.

but when i went back to bed, i couldn’t fall asleep because i could not get that smell out of my nose! you would think with all the puke i’ve been around i should have a higher tolerance - hello, TJ nights????, to this day i can not use scrubbing bubbles with out thinking of tequila; then throw in years of getting migraines & pregnancy when i was sick on a daily basis for months; i should be completely immune.

thankfully Z’s all better, it was just one rough night of pukey & crappy (added to sneezy, snotty & coughy). fingers crossed B & I don’t come down with it next.

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

caught a virus

yesterday afternoon i downloaded a nasty virus...on accident of course, not for fun. evidently it was a bad one because they worked on it yesterday & all morning before they were able to get it back to a usable state (although they kept telling "just 15 more minutes" - yeah, B tells me that one too)

clues your computer has a bug: numerous unstoppable pop-ups, weird music playing (japanese rap & opera clips), unable to access task manager to see what the heck is going on, naked chick pop-up won’t go away...

that’s always a fun one to explain "really boss, i didn’t go looking for her, she came to me & she won’t leave me alone...yes, you too should have such problems"

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

birthday weekend

it was B’s birthday weekend & because the weather was good we worked our tails off. nice weather, on a weekend, is a rarity around here, so we knew we had to hit it & hit it hard.

we’ve spent the past months perfecting our couch potato bodies (i on the sofa, B on his computer chair) so to get up & move (much less be day laborers) took a lot of effort. He worked on installing sprinkler lines in the backyard while I shoveled dirt & Z played in the dirt/mud/water.

Sat am I bake B a cake with our new mixer (note on how to get a new mixer – let husband use old one to mix grout), then we worked on the yard all day long. that evening we went out for sushi dinner. he decided to have a quiet dinner just the 2 of us after all. i’m pretty sure the sushi chef thought we were both complete pigs – oh well, they shouldn’t offer "all you can eat" if they’re not willing to dish it out. they were lucky we weren’t starving, we would have put them out of business!

Monday, March 10, 2008

yup, that’s what they call me

a co-worker's mother just called & she said to me "oh, yes, you're the sweet little secretary" - yeah, i'm sure that's exactly how everyone around here refers to me behind my back...

sing it baby...or not

for the past few weeks Z has been preparing for a patriotic musical, he would repeat lines like "oh say can you ghee" & remind us often that we had to go. the presentation was on friday.

we were really anxious to hear him sing after all that rehearsing, but that's not what happened. they sang 5 songs i think it was, but Z maybe sang 5 LINES out of all that. it was really cute, they had animated hand jesters & waved to accompany the words, but he didn't do those either. instead he held onto his chair with a death grip like he was afraid he was going to fly away at any point in time.

his lack of enthusiasm compared to everyone else's over exuberance was quite funny, but it would have been funnier if it was someone else's kid. oh well!

Thursday, March 6, 2008

my beer belly

alright, i'll completely admit that i'm REALLY fond of the lead singer for the strokes. i love his voice & can listen to him for hours. last night i had a dream that i asked him to autograph my belly...that's a little over the line (well, i'm not going into details, it was just a dream)...but more importantly why my belly?

even though i've always been thin, never had to struggle with my weight, i've always had a little beer belly (although beer has nothing to do with it). now that i'm a whopping 113lbs the belly is a little bigger. how much bigger? well a few weeks ago B asked (in front of family!) "what's up with your belly? you look like you're a few months pregnant" did you get that - IN FRONT OF FAMILY! tactful, huh?

so why am i dreaming about Julian signing my big ole pregnant looking but not really belly? next dream i'll have him sign my ass, that'll be better. Julian, i hope you're take notes...because i'm sure you're reading this....

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

a discussion w/boss

my boss is referring to someone else & says "wow, you women are mean"

i reply "yes we are, that's why you shouldn't mess with us"

"but we're not mean"

"but you still do"

"that's because we're stupid"

"no arguement there"

not ready

B's birthday is on Sun & i'm not ready for it, i had plans but they keep on getting messed up.

we were supposed to be in sd all this week, so i knew i'd be able to come up with something down there - go out somewhere nice to eat, have someone watch the kid, go shopping find him something...but the sd trip was postponed for another month.

then i thought we'd go away somewhere else for a weekend, rent a cabin in the mtns. i asked before setting anything up & at first he said yes, sounded good. then as i'm about to call & make reservations he says no, too much going on, too many pending activities, too many much for me setting something up without telling him every little detail.

now we are down to dinner, he's chosen where, he's deciding when & whom he will invite - so much for surprises....

Monday, March 3, 2008

got lint?

i'm wearing black pants today & this morning as i was getting dressed i used the lint remover roller thingie on them to clean a few layers of lint off them so they would have a bit more of black rather than wool look to them.

after i finish i put the roller away & the little one makes a noise...& a face....& he takes the roller out & rolls himself all over with it (including the denim pants) then he puts the roller away.

he's seen me use it before, he's never asked about it, nor did he this time. i wonder what he thinks it's for? maybe he thinks it's in lieu of taking a shower & it rolls the stink off you....i'm going to have to ask him.

Saturday, March 1, 2008

diggin for gold

why is it a man can dig for gold, front or back, in public no less & it not be an issue; however if a woman is caught scratching her ass in the privacy of her own home it's considered an indecent act?

hello? every once in a while my skin itches too & occasionally, it happens to be the skin on my ass!