Sunday, March 27, 2011

the party, THE40

so we did it, we planned, invited & they came! YAH! [except for the whole 40 part]
a celebration for THE40, for March birthdays - B, M, ES & wife (although she's not 40) & L.

actually a fe
w days prior to the party i decided to be good with turning 40. i mean i had the dreams, but i realized the alternative to turning 40 is being dead, so hey, this is awesome! like totally!

we had a backyard bbq & people came throughout the afternoon & some stayed late & we had a really good time all together. it was just like bbq's we used to have....

well, less marines & no one went flying through the screen door. i remember the time a couple of the guys started wrestling & of course one of them got mad & then there was blood & then there was little ole me yelling at a couple of marines to "get the f-out of my house!"
thankfully, it was not like that....

neighbors J&M, KB & the new ones came by, RB & family showed up, the hs gang & a few others also made it. M brought a bouncy house which was fabulous for the kiddos. we had tons of food & everyone brought tons more, it was food extraordinaire [my kinda party for sure!]. M also brought a extra-yummy margarita recipe; not to mention jalapeno carrots & salsa fresca. S made cheesy potatoes which everyone loved & her aunt sent up some hot sauce & capirotada [mexican bread pudding]. so much was going on i don't know who brought what, someone brought chocolate chip cookies & 3 kinds of cheesecake appeared on the table.

for a moment we were in a panic thinking ES was gonna flake, but he made it, surprised us all. even S&J made it. i think we need to do it again soon!

Thursday, March 24, 2011


i haven't written any dream posts in some time...

last night, i don't remember any of the circumstances however the point of the dream was - a job will come when the time is right.
although i love staying home it's really is getting to me. the job market does seem to be opening up so i'm sending out more applications/resumes, but still minimal results. remember the interview? the following week i sent a followup email to the HR person & she said no decisions had been made but shortly thereafter i found the position listed again.

i went on another interview last week. the job description was mis-leading though, so during the HR interview everything i said i wanted was not what the job entailed. the interview with the hiring managers seemed ok, one hardly said anything besides "do you have any questions for us?" REPEATEDLY & the other one seemed uncomfortable speaking. anyways, it's a large company but working in a SMALL office & doing really basic office stuff so i hope they don't call me back unless it's for something else. i know that sounds bad coming from someone who's jonesing for a job, but i don't want to work somewhere that's going to drive me bonkers in 3 months.

oh wait, we were talking about dreams, darn tangents.....

last week i had 2 strange dreams, in the first one we (B & I) had a teenage daughter, she was pretty much Z with long hair & just as much attitude...possibly more. strike that, it was a nightmare not a dream.
the next day or so i dreamt that i woke up with grey/white hair. there were a few strands of brown in there, but i had to LOOK for them. it was ghastly! [yes, i do have dreams where i wake up, it's not unusual at all for me.]

then there's the crazy dream that actually occurred a few months ago but really stuck in my head [bc yes, it was that weird!] we had a dog, not sure if it was lady or not, but she was having puppies. the first one came out & we were holding it, looking at it, etc & not really paying attn to momma dog but kinda noticed that she was really working at birthing pup #2. some time passes before pup #2 arrives, only it's not a pup, it's a baby.

as in a human baby.

it was encased in some sort of embryonic sack that was very tight. i assumed, bc well, um, it was human & it's momma was a dog among other reasons, that it was stillborn, then i think i made a noise or something happened bc the baby opened it's eyes & looked directly at me. now, that sounds a little horror-movie-like, but in my dream i wanted that baby & there was no evilness.

i knew i had to open the sack so the baby could get oxygen. i grabbed at the film but there was no slack. i was pinching the baby's face through it trying to get a hold of some to rip it apart, then finally i was able get a little bit right between the eyes. i don't know if it was a boy or a girl, but i saved it.

Thursday, March 17, 2011

oh how i wish

i just caught up on a few months worth of MODG's blog. not only have i not been blogging, i haven't been reading & i miss my internet friends SO much! i really need to get back to working where i can sit at the computer all day & get paid for surfing, those were the days....

i check in with crissy & tia once in awhile, but the last time i read MODG she was still preggers. now she has a cute little boy & it reminds me so much of baby days with Z. tia's pregnant now & i guess she's choosing to not turn into a mommy blogger bc she hasn't talked about her pregnancy much.

i would have totally blogged about my pregnancy had i known the blogging world existed. i really would have liked to have had the outlet, although it would not be something anyone else would want to read; at least not at that time, hindsight soften things. now looking back at that time i think i went through a sort of depression, similar to postpartum i guess, but during not after.

the first 8 weeks or so were fine other than the weird change in my appetite. you hear about women who can't eat very much later in their pregnancy bc the baby is so big, but for me this all started way early. it was a learning experience, i remember one time when i had reached about the 1/2-way point driving home i had to pull over to pick up some fast food. only that wasn't fast enough, i was so emotionally unbalanced i was about to cry bc i was hungry.

i kept telling myself "it's ok, i'm going to get food. don't cry all these people will look at me like i'm crazy. i don't even look pregnant. who cries when they're hungry?" my eyes actually watered when i got the food (from hunger & true relief) & it felt so good to eat but i could only eat 1/2 of a cheeseburger. yes, of course that other 1/2 went home with me.

i couldn't eat a lot at one setting, but i ate often, like every 2 hours or so. i started packing all kinds of snacks, little baggies full of food (dry cereal, various crackers, etc). i often thought my lunch bag was comparable to something herman munster would carry. i also kept a bag of jerky in the car for emergencies...that is until i turned into a vegetarian.

me, carnivore extraordinaire. in high school i used to wake up in the middle of the night & eat lunch meat or have a couple of bites of some kind of leftover meat bc my metabolism worked so fast. i did not waste time with carbs or veggies at that hour & now my body did not like meat. for probably about a month i couldn't eat meat; it felt way too heavy in my stomach & made it ache.

i also learned that i had a very low tolerance for sweets. early on B made a fruit smoothie for me, but i couldn't keep in down. i don't remember what other sweets i tried, but no ice cream for me during that time. my treat - yogurt. no, not even frozen yogurt, just plain ole out the fridge yogurt was my dessert or sweet treat.

at one point i counted & i had eaten 14 times in 1 day. i know that seems like a lot but i haven't mentioned the nausea, etc. my constant eating was actually what clued my co-workers onto my secret. one day one of the guys said "if i didn't know better i would say..." yeah, i was close to the 3 month marker, so i fessed up but asked him to keep it quiet until i was ready to make the announcement.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

getting older

this actually happened a few months ago, that fact it gets posted right after talking about THE 40 is just coincidence...

this is how you know you've reached "a certain age" bc otherwise certain thoughts never would enter your mind, case in point:

so i was in the shower & i noticed something off-white on the floor. i can't see without my glasses & simply assumed it was shampoo/conditioner/ body wash (bc all those things make perfect sense). i used my foot to slosh some water over it but it didn't dissolve, didn't really make much of an impact at all. the mass, if you will, was more solid than i anticipated, so then the thought process began...

[yes, i was alone, so don't think it was that!]

i hadn't coughed
or sneezed
or had any other voluntary
or involuntary muscle contractions;

so that meant something fell out of my body
& i didn't even realize it.

slight panic!

then i bent down & discovered it was just a piece of sponge.

i was mentally scarred from traveling that path though.

Thursday, March 10, 2011

B's birthday

i can't believe it.
it's starting.
remember meg ryan in "when harry met sally" & she's says "but it's out there!!!"?
the 40s...

we didn't get to really celebrate on the day; B not-worked. that would be he volunteered all day & had class at night. he's volunteering at the VA hospital to get credits for his nursing program pre-reqs, so he was up & out early in the morning. he was hoping to not-work a short day so we could spend a little time together; but it didn't work out that way. the dept he was working in was falling more & more apart & by chance an opportunity to move came up so he ended up staying all day to get things in order.
he said that was a birthday present to himself.

Z was home by the time B arrived so we sat around & watched B open his presents. we got him flowers & a balloon [Z picked out the pink, flowery, girly one], 4 work shirts & some fancy goodies (shampoo, moisturizer & shaving cream) from here & here. B's mom sent him boxes of shirts & other items as well. then before we knew it, B was off to class.

Z & I had our normal evening of homework & dinner, then B surprised us & came home early from class so we could have jello cake together. he didn't even want us to sing happy birthday to him, but we did, fast.

so it was a quiet celebration although it's a big one. in a few weeks we will celebrate with friends; at least we're all turning 40 together...

when B asked me if i wanted a party for my birthday i said "where at the mortuary so we can celebrate the passing of my youth?" no, the march celebration is enough i think.