oh how i wish

i just caught up on a few months worth of MODG's blog. not only have i not been blogging, i haven't been reading & i miss my internet friends SO much! i really need to get back to working where i can sit at the computer all day & get paid for surfing, those were the days....

i check in with crissy & tia once in awhile, but the last time i read MODG she was still preggers. now she has a cute little boy & it reminds me so much of baby days with Z. tia's pregnant now & i guess she's choosing to not turn into a mommy blogger bc she hasn't talked about her pregnancy much.

i would have totally blogged about my pregnancy had i known the blogging world existed. i really would have liked to have had the outlet, although it would not be something anyone else would want to read; at least not at that time, hindsight soften things. now looking back at that time i think i went through a sort of depression, similar to postpartum i guess, but during not after.

the first 8 weeks or so were fine other than the weird change in my appetite. you hear about women who can't eat very much later in their pregnancy bc the baby is so big, but for me this all started way early. it was a learning experience, i remember one time when i had reached about the 1/2-way point driving home i had to pull over to pick up some fast food. only that wasn't fast enough, i was so emotionally unbalanced i was about to cry bc i was hungry.

i kept telling myself "it's ok, i'm going to get food. don't cry all these people will look at me like i'm crazy. i don't even look pregnant. who cries when they're hungry?" my eyes actually watered when i got the food (from hunger & true relief) & it felt so good to eat but i could only eat 1/2 of a cheeseburger. yes, of course that other 1/2 went home with me.

i couldn't eat a lot at one setting, but i ate often, like every 2 hours or so. i started packing all kinds of snacks, little baggies full of food (dry cereal, various crackers, etc). i often thought my lunch bag was comparable to something herman munster would carry. i also kept a bag of jerky in the car for emergencies...that is until i turned into a vegetarian.

me, carnivore extraordinaire. in high school i used to wake up in the middle of the night & eat lunch meat or have a couple of bites of some kind of leftover meat bc my metabolism worked so fast. i did not waste time with carbs or veggies at that hour & now my body did not like meat. for probably about a month i couldn't eat meat; it felt way too heavy in my stomach & made it ache.

i also learned that i had a very low tolerance for sweets. early on B made a fruit smoothie for me, but i couldn't keep in down. i don't remember what other sweets i tried, but no ice cream for me during that time. my treat - yogurt. no, not even frozen yogurt, just plain ole out the fridge yogurt was my dessert or sweet treat.

at one point i counted & i had eaten 14 times in 1 day. i know that seems like a lot but i haven't mentioned the nausea, etc. my constant eating was actually what clued my co-workers onto my secret. one day one of the guys said "if i didn't know better i would say..." yeah, i was close to the 3 month marker, so i fessed up but asked him to keep it quiet until i was ready to make the announcement.