the birthday

so yeah, we've kinda talked, but things are far from normal. i had called my mom twice since then to let her know about nana & the convalescent home possibility & about my dad going to the hospital.

i want things to be normal with my mom, but i wish i had a little more time to prepare myself to go from ex-communicado to "happy birthday" you know? it's feels a little false....

picking out a card was a fun challenge; all those "i know i can always count on you" cards...um.....not feeling it. finally i found something that said happy birthday & we love you.

i had called her & set up taking Z over for her birthday, so fri after school that's where we went. i wasn't sure how it was going to work, but surprisingly she invited me in & we sat & talked. i thought i might stay a bit, but i ended up staying for about 3 hours. we never mentioned the "not talking" scenario just caught up on the last 6 weeks.

i still don't understand what happened with my mom. it's extremely difficult for me to talk to her now. i can't joke with her. i can't be sarcastic. i'm on eggshells worried about how she's going to interpret whatever i say because if there's any possible negative interpretation, that's the one she's going to hear.