Wednesday, June 9, 2010

the valley/funeral trip

way to cheer things up right? well, it needs to be documented...

on tues we headed down to the valley, with a predicted high of 107 we all dressed in our lightest clothing but that didn't help. at our first stop, my dad's bank, as we approached the door Z said "i don't want to live here". i told him "we're not moving here. we're just taking care of a few things for your grandpa". his response "well i don't want to live here" making sure i understood, so i told him "we don't either".

i had called the bank previously to let them know my dad had passed but they said nothing could be done until i could come in with a death certificate. so we did that part & the bank person told us bc i wasn't listed as a beneficiary on the acct i would have to wait 40 days for the acct to transfer to my name.

then she question a charge on the acct - on may 21st, the day after my dad died, a computer was purchased from dell. i told her it was impossible [duh!] for him to have made or authorized the purchase as he was on life support & incapacitated before may 6th. she needed a letter from the hospital stating the date of entry, incapacitation & passing.

next we went & picked up my dad's car, which was another pain. he actually left the car to my cousin whom he lived with, but she didn't want it bc it would interfere with her SSI. i told her i would take the car, sell it to recover funeral costs & give the rest to her. we found out at the bank the car is paid for, but it has a check engine light on so we have to fix that before we can sell it. i also have to wait 40 days to take ownership of the car.

at the post office i just wanted to close out the box & forward the mail but even that was a bit hairy. my dad was renting the box month to month & payment was due otherwise i think they wouldn't have cooperated with me. they gave me $1 for the key, which i gave to Z as his inheritance.

B was driving my dad's car & when we tried to leave the post office the stinking car wouldn't start! after a few panicked phone calls we found out only 1 key works in the ignition, but after the day we'd had & in the 115 heat we were all fried. oh & we also discovered the car's door locking mechanism is finicky.

it was a great fricken day.

we made it to the cemetery just in time to drop off my dad's remains although the office said most people just bring them in the morning. well, most people probably have more of an emotional attachment...i was more comfortable with them being in someone else's hands.

we also managed to fit in a short nana visit & a quick walmart trip to get her a few things. we had hoped to hit the pool at our hotel once we were done with everything but we were too tired & we knew the next day wasn't going to be a heck of a lot easier.

we got up with our feet running; we got ready quickly, had a fast breakfast & headed back over to walmart for some fresh flowers, then back to the cemetery. my mom was already there & so were a few other relatives i hadn't seen in a million years.

the service was lead by an extended family member whom my aunt arranged & they even brought along someone who played guitar & sang 2 songs. i have to say for something thrown together the way it was, it was a nice service. a few AA people went up & said how my dad helped them.

afterwards a group of us went out for brunch. we all sat at a large table, my dad's side of the family off to one side & my mom's family off to the other & i was in the middle. it was kind of weird bc although i was in the center, the link, i felt completely disconnected from all of it.

B, Z & I went over to visit nana for a few minutes before we left town. i could tell she wanted us to stay, but it was so hot & we were just so out of it, we couldn't. to compound matters we were bringing up my dad's car, so neither B nor I was going to get a break on the drive.

i led & watched B the whole time in my mirrors to make sure he was ok, that the car was fine. once we got home i thought i could rest, the mountain peak had passed, but i was wrong. the mail we'd retrieved from the post office contained a bank statement & i found there wasn't just 1 fraudulent charge, someone had completely emptied out my dad's bank acct.

& in 2 days mom is going in for knee surgery.


  1. well you got through it. that's good. sorry that i couldn't be there for support. was there any friends from the valley there?

    i hope the car doesn't become a huge issue. :-)

  2. just SL, but thanks you were here when I needed you!


tell me your thoughts...