Sunday, June 15, 2008

fathers' day

Z got up & snuggled a bit, then needed his "break-chess" & toons.
once B & I got up i made french toast for Z's 2nd break-chess. he says it's the best break-chess ever. we took it easy around the house.

ok that's a lie, i cleaned like a mad-woman. i hate sundays. hate them because i feel the pressure of monday from the minute i'm conscious, not even fully awake, i'm thinking of everything that i need to do before i'm able to get back into bed & relax. yeah, even though i had clean bathrooms, vacuumed & even dusted on friday, i still felt like the place was a disaster. after the week at the beach & being gone last weekend, the glossing wasn't enough.

B could tell i was on the verge of losing it, so he helped me relax & we decided to not invite anyone over after all. that relieved a lot of the pressure. i got my excessive cleaning done & all my hand laundry is washed. good, but now i have about 20 shirts & 3 or 4 pair of pants that need to be ironed!

so i'm content, all is well, got the boy washed, read & in bed by 8:30. finally have a minute to get on the computer & spread my girl cooties (ie, load beach pic's on the computer finally) when my dad calls....ick.

sorry, but yes, those are my real feelings. how weird is it that he calls me on fathers' day? (& that he can't remember when my birthday is? oh, but i do have to say he was REALLY close on Z's & i do appreciate that.) B picked up the phone, he spoke w/my father more than i did (if you think i'm short on words with you, you should hear me on the phone w/my father). then he asks to speak to Z. hello, it's 9pm on a sunday night & he's 6, no, he's sleeping.

my relationship with my father isn't the greatest, never has been. do i think i'm missing out on anything?
if my father was a different person, probably. our relationship is what it is.
i don't hate him, he's never done anything bad, he just was never there so there wasn't an opportunity for a relationship to exist.
now as an adult, i just think he's a strange man. after becoming a parent myself, i understand him even less.

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