about silver

i like silver but i can't wear it, something about my body chemistry tarnishes it right away.

the first time i wore silver jewelry i was a kid, maybe 7 or 8. it was crucifix my grandma B had given my father & he had given to me. the cross was made of silver & Jesus was made of gold. so being a crucifix & all there were religious connotations then add on the sentimental value of being past down from generation to generation.

the very first morning i woke up after sleeping with the necklace on, it was black. i thought what any kid would think:

that i was a child of the devil

damien & i were kin

i think i even cried

i cleaned as best i could & put it away, so no one could see it.

it wasn't until years later when i blackened another piece of jewelry & someone told me it was tarnish, from my skin reacting with the metal.

it was great to find out i wasn't satan's spawn.

Momma is done

yesterday when i picked up Z someone immediately walked over to tell me he had acted up - a kid had gotten out of line & when he attempted to return the Z police refused, pushed & threw dirt at him.
then we talked about how school went, only 1 star (out of 3), so i asked for an explanation - someone took off Z's shoe so Z 'squished' him [i didn't even want clarification for 'squished'].

to top it all off, it was all told with attitude, not an ounce of shame for his behavior.

so i had it.

no more.

final straw was laid.

let the beatings begin [from momma & that rarely happens]

so much for positive reinforcement.
[i don't do positive; anyone who knows me knows it's not part of my character & i'm ok with it. i have plenty of fun with my negativity, we're friends who make fun of each other.]

i hope that me doling out the punishment had more of an impact on him than when B does it [at least that's what i'm telling myself].

i ended it with telling him if he does anything to anyone for any reason anywhere he will get more spankings.

there's the line in the sand.

it's still not funny & i'm not going to talk about it.

if it was someone else's kid, yes, it would be funny & i would probably be on the floor laughing...

nope.

not funny.

shut up!

stop laughing!

ok, maybe it's a lil funny....
i think what scares me most is if he's setting the bar this high in 1st grade, what's he going to do in jr high & hs?

FIRE, i wish i was joking

i was planning on writing about how last week for the first (although the school year is almost done) Z read a 1st grade reading level book. i WAS proud.

so much for that.

i just got a call from Z's principal.
[could i please have a week where this woman doesn't call me? i really do like her & we can talk about anything, just not a call about Z ok?]

he pulled the fire alarm switch.

the entire school had to evacuate.

this is my child.

Dear Z,
could you PLEASE QUIT THIS INSANE SHIT YOU'RE DRIVING #$%$%^%$%^ CRAZY!!!!
Love you,
Momma

the fishing trip

the plan was to rent canoes & go to the lake, but it was too windy, so shore fishing it was. we got up, i told Z to get dressed & clean up his room while we got ready. i told him it would be cold, so to wear pants & a long sleeve shirt.

he came out in his niciest jeans (ie, the only pair that the knees are completely ripped out of (purchased spur of the moment during the disney trip)) & his christmas sweater.

once again i don't get it.

for school he wears stained shirts, holey pants, does not give 2 shits at all about what he's wearing [& don't think B can't be bothered with such foolishness, there is a reason a uniform REALLY works for the man]. the other day Z came home in a sleeveless soccer shirt & denim shorts when the day's high was upper 60s.

so why is the child wearing his sunday best TO GO FISHING i ask?

he was ok with changing the sweater out for a sweatshirt but when i made him change to a holey pair of jeans he cried.

the perfect start to a long day no?

yes.

it wasn't so bad actually.

considering 3 adults wait a minute, am i classifying B & R as adults? & 3 kids wtf was i thinking???? we tried a few spots at the lake, but it was cold & windy...not a single bite didn't help matters so we moved on. we tried a few other spots; one was rocky & fun to explore while the other was sandy & open like at the beach...no fishies there either.

then we tried the river. long story short, there were no fishies anywhere.

i think this whole 'fishing' thing is a cover, ladies you've been warned.

a technical question

i'm still working on the resume.

one of the programs we use runs on a different platform so i want to make sure i notate it out on my resume. in the office we call it 'the sun machine' or 'flows'; i know that doesn't really sound all that official & doesn't translate to anything outside this office much less outside this base so yesterday i contacted one of the software guru's to ask for an official title.

so his answer was this:
The best you can do is "SUN UltraSparc 5 workstation running SUN Solaris 9
operating environment (OE)" - and the tool could be called the "F/A-18
Legacy Aircraft (AYK-14) Mission Computer Software Engineering Design
Flowcharting Tool"

my response:
i'm the shit!

i'm sure he was fully impressed with my eloquence [as all men are].

something i thought i would never have to say

the other day when i was picking up Z at the end of the day, i couldn't find him on the playground. finally he came out to the yard, he had been in the bathroom. we walk out of the building, through the parking lot, are in the process of getting in the car when he says:

Z - i think i have poop on my butt
me - [@#$#@%#@%@#$%@#$%@#$%!!!!!] well, if you do, you're just going to have to sit in it because really, you need to clean your butt better, this shouldn't be an issue.
Z - there wasn't paper in there
me - then you should have gotten some from the other toilet or said something to someone.

we drive home

me - go clean your butt [to Z, not B]
B - what's going on?

i relay above scenario & B about falls out of his chair knowing that's not how i would normally handle the situation; he may have have done it that way, but not me.

the boy is wearing me down.

i <3 FB

for the past 2 days FB has kicked some serious ass!
I have cried so many tears!!!!!
from laughing.

our 20 year reunion is coming up & SL has posted some (a lot) of pics from our early days. it's been absolutely hilarious. i've had the best time. i've laughed so hard.

pics of us not spray painting places.
not going to TJ.
not a single boyfriend bartender
you know things like that....
the back & forth comments have been a blast too.

what i'm really saying here is not that i <3 FB.
it's that i <3 my friends.

SL, MA, CRDG (dang mexican always gotta have all those names).

you guys are the best!

work website

the other day i was venturing about on my company's website & i discovered 2 things:

1) they have a pic posted of me!!! OMG, WTH? i didn't approve that! it's a bad, bad pic too.

moving on,

2) under your pic there's a place where you can create your own blog. under the company's website.
what?
why?
who would write there?
who would read it?

craziness.

wish they would have had that at old job.

anonymous of course.

would have written some crazy shit about old boss.
i would run that office today.

oh, maybe not, then we wouldn't move home.

add on to "last of the free drugs"

numbing cough drops.

B said he put one in his mouth & his lips started to numb so he thought he was having a reaction.

then he looked at the box.

nope, that's what they're supposed to do.

i didn't even know they made that!
except for...well, you know...coke, right?

coke cough drops.

with a prescription, of course.
don't be silly, you can't just get that kinda stuff over the counter.

last of the free drugs

B went back in to medical, he woke up feeling worse than he did over the weekend.

the dr gave him a bagful of goodies medicine, antibiotics, cough syrup laced with codeine for all the good boys & girls, throat lozenges & i don't even remember the rest there was so much to ingest look at.

unfortunately, they only gave us him a small bottle of sleepytime codeine.

gallon size next time please.

dirty boy!

i went to get Z out of the tub, he said he was done but the water was crystal clear so i had my doubts.

me - did you shampoo?
Z - yes
me - did you wash yourself?
Z - yes
me - with soap?
Z - yes

i still don't believe him. i shampoo his hair & proceed to wash him & ask again:

me - did you use soap?
Z - yes
me - did you use a wash rag or a sponge?
Z - neither
me - are you sure you used soap? because you need to use soap just sitting in the water isn't going to get you clean.
Z - i know

after he's all cleaned up, out of the shower & drying off the lint from the towel starts to gather on his skin. (we got new brown towels not that long ago & although they've been washed a few times, they're still shedding a lot.) so Z looks himself over & sees brown spots everywhere & says:

"wow, i WAS dirty!"

heehee!
i told him it was towel lint but i'm not sure he understood.

biting my tongue

so yesterday was the big first day of trying positive re-inforcement.

i picked up Z at the end of day & asked how his day went?
good
happy face?
yes
stars?
2

[what do you mean only 2? what happened to 3? what did you do wrong? who did you attack? hit? scratch? push? throw sand or rocks at?]

GREAT! you got 2 stars!
[much harder than i thought it was going to be.]

the offense du jour [might as well have some fun right?] was he dared someone to eat a rock.

ain't nothin going on but the rent

having a dry spell over here...writing people, writing...this isn't THAT kind of blog. what's funny is a LOT of the blogs i read seem to be having the same trouble.

no funniness has been going on:
B's sick with bronchitis & being a crankypants.
Z's been discussed.
me - um, been working on my resume but already talked about that. been doing all kinds of MS training; talked about that too.

completed Excel, Word & Outlook 2007 so far (that was kind of cheating though because i already kick-ass on those programs 2003). i just started Access, my nemesis (i'm sure it was created by the devil). i've taken numerous courses & it's never clicked for me; maybe this time it will, maybe my experience in business objects will help.

oh, btw devil, i guess i'll be headed your way as i ate meat 2x on fridays during lent. once was pure accident at a party (i snacked on deli meats - is that real meat? hmmm). i didn't even realize it until later when i went back to get a plate of food & B said "you can eat this, it doesn't have meat" - & i was confused. then i ate a meat burrito. the damage was already done right?

the other was a product of the situation, we went out for lunch & i planned on getting a salad, however there was only 1 salad on the menu & it highlighted fried chicken nuggets.

yeah, on a salad.

how do you pass that up once it's been proposed?

i'm so weak.

one more thing - i've become a complete facebook whore.
addicted.
totally.

that was a lie, i have another thing - i need a new fangled phone because i need to twitter. i'm twittering on FB & it's not cutting it.

contracts, rewards & pendulum swinging

i just returned from the principal's office (fyi, it's no fun as an adult either).

Z's teacher, Z's principal, B & I had a sit down. here's what we left with:

the principal has a contract out on Z, wait a minute, that wasn't right...the principal has a contract with Z (there, that's better).

beings his latest problems have occurred out on the playground during recesses, that's our focus now. at the end of each recess, he will get a sticker from his teacher if he manages to keep his hands, feet & objects (what?) to himself. so in addition to the regular classroom happy face/unhappy face, stickers for playground behavior. the principal has decided to really give the boy incentive, once he gets x amount of stickers for being good at recesses, she will give him a game.

at home, he will get some sort of little candy treat like m&m's or something for each sticker. we B decided we would go ahead & get the DS (that didn't happen at Christmas) to use gaming time as a reward for happy faces. the DS & the game will be ours, Z will only get time for good behavior.

& finally, his teacher said the past 2 days he's been fantastic in class, working hard & getting along with classmates. she told us they played a round of dodgeball where he was 1 of the 2 last players left & when the ball came at him he lunged over it. he still was hit (& cried) but everyone cheered him on & yelled about how cool his jump was.

the devil will find work for idle hands

tingle
oh sorry...

um yeah, those are words from the smiths "what difference does it make?" (go school yourself if you aren't singing along). [is it just me or do you think B kinda looks like morrissey? ok, maybe you have to be drunk....& in the dark...]

anywho, yes, idle hands belonging to the child.
i spoke with Z's principal yesterday afternoon & we have an appt scheduled for tomorrow. she & Z's teacher are going to work something up to keep the boy entertained during recesses because idle time does not work out well for him.

people are always making him do things he doesn't want to do & he's simply forced to hit them.
bastards.
see, this is why i didn't like kids when i was kid. it wasn't that i was anti-social, i just didn't have the patience even back then. it's taking me years of training with B to even considering having a child of my own. [heehee, someone's going to tell him about that one!]

& at home we need to work on positive reinforcement.
[what? no more daily beatings?
kidding people!]
& we need to dole out little daily positive rewards for happy faces.
i guess kisses, hugs & praise don't cut it after all.
cold hard cash?

is that shrimpy?

i went home for lunch. B had just woken up & was on the sofa (home sick) Z was in his room playing his leapster (home suspended). i ask Z if he's hungry & if so does he want soup or noodles (after saturday's puking incident i'm still precarious about his consumption).

he chose soup, so i held out chicken & stars or chicken & circle noodles. [i know all kinds of crazy options] he's looking intently at the picture on the can with the circle noodles & asks

"is that shrimpy?"

in canned soup.

i'm not even sure it was campbell's, it may have been generic grocery store brand.

after the pirate dinner i still get a lump in my throat when i think of shrimp, but canned shrimp soup...ICK.

an epiphany

i was lying in bed, trying to figure things out.
i tend to overthink things, i've been very confused lately, for months, actually.

so it finally became clear to me, i have to:

learn to love the life i have.
it will never be perfect,
but it will always be mine.

how to get out of lockdown, lesson #1

Rob moved into town on fri night, so we went over to help out. after the moving was done, we watched "pitch black", it was the first bit of tv Z was allowed to watch since tuesday's events (we decided to be a little lenient being's R was in town). we stayed late & Z didn't want to leave, loving that bit of tv time.

on sat the big boys had moving stuff to take care of so Z & i stayed home for most of the morning only venturing out to pick up a few groceries. while at the store (only a 45 min trip at most), Z told me 3x that he was tired. i figured it was because we'd stayed up late the night before & told him he could go back to bed once we got home.

as we were walking from the car to the front door of the house he coughed.
a weird cough.
THAT cough.
so i stopped asked if he was ok?
asked if he was going to throw up?
then before he could answer he coughed again & started hurling chunks.

it was bad.
it was awful to watch, he couldn't stop.
it just kept on coming & there we were in the front yard.
he was in pain too, he fell to knees & started to cry.

when he finally stopped i asked him if he was ok enough for me to carry him down the hall to the bathroom & he said he was.
thankfully we made it safely. we got him cleaned up, back into jammies & into bed where he fell asleep quickly.

he hadn't shown any previous signs of illness, nothing, no headache, nausea or fever. he had eaten rice crispies with milk & later apple slices with a cup of milk. (i checked the milk, it was fine.)

when he woke from his nap he had a fever though. it came & went throughout the day & he napped a few times. when he woke at 7pm his fever was up to 102, so i gave him some medicine.

he seems better today & of course restriction is on light terms due to the illness. he's outside playing in the backyard right now.

and cancel Easter

we canceled Easter.
i'll give you one guess...like it's a guess, please!

right before i left work on thurs i checked my phone & there was a message on there...from the principal.
AGAIN
because tuesday's events weren't enough...
Z really wanted to sock it to us
& he succeeded.
i tried calling her back, but didn't get an answer.

when B picked up Z & asked how his day went, Z said it was fine.

a little while after B & Z got home, the principal called & told B what happened. Z hit another kid while standing in line & that she kept him up front in the office for the rest of the day.

but get this:
Z had a plan - he wasn't going to tell us. the weekend would be fine, we'd go Easter egg hunting, we'd have some friends over, we'd do the confetti eggs, everybody would have a good time, then on mon we would take him to school & he would jsut hang out in front of the gate & we wouldn't notice & that's where he'd stay all day. everything would be fine & we would never know he was suspended [AGAIN!!!!]

HE'S SIX!!!!!!!!!!!!!

parenting has become the most humbling experience of MY LIFE.

i now realize i very little control i have over this person although he's only a child. i can influence him while in his presence but when i'm not there & he's left to his own devices, nothing we say, do, take away or threaten with has any bearing on his actions.

Z update

i was hesitant to post about Z doing well in school. i wrote it, then kept it as a draft, then tempted fate & published it. you think i would know better by now, but i don't & i'm just stupid & a lot more daring than i thought because within a few hours of posting it i got a call from Z's school.

um, yeah.

come pick up your kid

yes, trouble, kicked out again.

luckily the new principal (YAH!) is one of Z's ex-preschool-girlfriend's so she has a soft spot for the boy & didn't suspend him. i like her much better than the old asshat principal he had; he's no longer principaling because he's busy city counseling.
[do you hear that brown acres? you have an asshat on city counsel? oh, that's a step up...my apologies then]

so nothing official, nothing on paper, nothing in his official file that will follow him around for the rest of his life. so far that file only has one sheet from the last time he was suspended.

Z's story is some girls forced him to play some game he didn't want to play (right), then he pushed on of them & he scratched her. to make matter worse, when he got to the office he used his mean voice when he spoke to the ladies in the office.

parenting is glorius fun.

on a positive note, when Z was writing out his spelling word sentences:
for 'father' he wrote 'my father is old'
for 'mother' he wrote 'my mother is pretty'

does the boy know his way to momma's heart? oh yeah!

oh how i hate...

[violent femmes in case you didn't get it]

i spent the day working on my resume...which is torture.
i'm awful when it comes to writing about myself.
[wait a minute, who's this blog about? oh crap!]

strike that, i'm awful at self-promotion.

why can't i just write on there:
i'm good.
hire me.
pay me well.

hmmm?

oh, cause then every schmuck would do that?

i've sunken to the point of going around & asking people "what am i good at?"

none of which is something that would land me a job.
in fact, it might get me fired.

these people don't even know me THAT well...

on fire (in a good way)

when i picked Z up from school his teacher said he "was on fire".

not only did he get 110% (yes, 110%) on his spelling test (where the bonus word was 'friend'!!!!!) but he also worked ahead of the class in his math workbook.

AND he got happy faces ALL week baby!

put that in your calendar because it's only taken...um....what?....7 MONTHS for things to click.

so he got all kinds of hugs & praise & we took him out for ice cream & he even was willing to talk on the phone to tell grammie how well he did.

2nd grade here we come!
(fingers crossed, just in case though)

spiderman chonies

fyi, chonies = underwear.
in my family the word 'underwear' was never spoken.
[neither was 'fart' but that's neither here nor there. just another one of my mother's idiosyncrasies, but that's another post. who am i kidding, that's a whole 'nother blog.]

anyways, back in the day when Z was still pre-schooling it & having an occasional accident here & there, we kept a spare pair of chonies at his daycare place. one morning in a rush i threw the chonies in the passenger seat along with whatever i needed to take to work that day, then dropped Z off. it wasn't until i got to work & picked up my purse to find the tiny pair of spiderman chonies i'd forgotten about.

i sat there for a minute.
i didn't have time to go back to drop them off.
i didn't want to just leave them sitting there on the passenger seat.
would that just scream - CHESTER?
[no really officer i DO have a child, these are his, i'm not some sick f***]

so i rolled them up as tightly as i could & put them in my jacket pocket so on my lunch break i could drop them off.
then i went about my regular day.
with old boss.
ick.

so i'm working...or pretending to work [is that a skill i can put on my resume?]
& COMPLETELY forget about having a pair of chonies in my pocket.
i was talking with one of my co-workers [thankfully female & even moreso a mother] when i reached in my pocket & felt fabric.
still no recollection.
at ALL.

so what do i do?
what anyone else would...i pulled them out of my pocket.
then froze.
then fell over laughing.

Z singing

geez, i've actually been so busy at work (yes, working...ok, part of it was putting my resume together too) that i haven't had a chance to write anything or read anything & i hardly know who i am anymore.

i had like 6 stories bouncing through my head this morning as i was getting ready for work. [see, this is why i have to write, because if i don't it gets crowded in there.]

alright so it's been awhile since i've noted some Z funnies, here's a few:

* the other day he came home from his after-school care place & he says "momma" & waits to make sure he has my full attn & he belts out "hit me with your best shot" with swinging hips, swaying shoulders & crunched up face - all he was missing was some painted on pants & spike heels a la Pat Benatar.

* in the car on the drive home while we're listening to The Strokes he changed the song lyrics to "why don't come over here? we got a 'momma-cita' to love" - yeah, i'm sure Julian would be down with that version.