self inflicted

it's fall, that means i'm due for a self inflicted wound (as in more than just a little one, that's...daily). so i looked through my archive was disappointed that i haven't documented the history. i'm really surprised about that because i KNOW i thought about writing about it....

alright, the history has to start somewhere, so here goes:
i don't remember if it was our 1st or 2nd year in the desert, i'm thinking it was the first when B was gone to maryland for 6 or so weeks & i didn't really know anyone. whenever B is gone, the house is on lockdown; i make sure all the window locks are fastened, door locks are in place as soon as we're home & sticks are in sliding glass doors. then before i go to bed i go around & make sure everything is STILL like that because i'm a little ocd about such things.

so i was in the kitchen, at the slider, in the dark & i bent down to make sure the stick was in place. (one wouldn't think such a dangerous action right? but this is me) there's a table near the space i was at & well, i bumped into it. okay, it was more than a bump, i just about knocked myself out. let's put it this way, i was glad i wasn't wearing my glasses because i might have broken them i hit the table so hard.

i went to the bathroom, tried not to panic as i rinsed the blood off my eyebrow, telling myself, lots of blood vessels there, it doesn't mean there's a large cut. i had a gash about 1/2-3/4 of an inch in my eyebrow. i debated on going to the hospital to get a couple of stitches, but Z was asleep & i didn't want to wake him & have to take him with me, so i decided to just leave it. my bangs covered it for the most part, but i looked like frankenstein if you knew where to look.
several years later, i still have the scar.

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i didn't think much of the episode until the follow sept/oct i again injured myself in a way that took at least a month to recover from. this time it wasn't as eventful, i was in the garage getting something & stepped around the lawnmower. somehow or another my little toe managed to get stuck on something somewhere; it hurt some, but was really surprised that i had a purple foot for several weeks.

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3 days ago, we're still moving things around & i was on the search for the iron (for Z's cape). i was pretty sure it was in the hall closet, so i was moving things around on the bottom part & remembered i had an empty shelf on the top part so both doors were open, move, shuffle, move, stand, sit, etc. yeah, i found the iron & got some stuff better organized.

when i was done i stood up.
(sounds innocent enough, no? again, this is me)
i forgot the top door was open & when i stood up do you think i made impact or missed?

yeah, hit. hard.
i actually fell back onto the floor, hot & nauseous. i laid there for a few minutes, mad at myself, then i felt the bump on my head grow. i got an ice pack & sat on the sofa hoping it wouldn't get worse. i was concerned if it did i should probably go have it looked at; but if that was the case, i certainly shouldn't drive, B was at school & he didn't take his phone so i couldn't call him. i sat there for about an hour, chilling my head & gathering my wits (luckily there's only a few).

when B came home i told him about the progress on the cape & he said "that's it?" excuse me, i had to take a little break to fix my head!