in an awkward place

i feel as though i'm not reacting enough for some & over-reacting to others.

B's been very supportive.
i've asked him if he thinks something's wrong with me bc i'm not sitting on the sofa crying; then a day or two later when i am crying bc the last words i exchanged with my father weren't very nice, he tells me they were words i needed to say.

a few people have said "but he was your dad"...
& it makes me feel cold & heartless bc i'm not broken & falling apart.

i don't know what to say when someone asks me how am i doing.

my dad & i weren't close
at all.
when i was a child, it was by his choice.
as an adult, it was probably more my choice.

maybe i should have given him more leeway bc he was my father, but to me he was strange, bizarre person whom i had nothing in common with. i did not like the person he was, his morals, his values, his way of life.