as the world turns-the medical side

yes, my life is currently a soap box...

on tuesday afternoon i finally spoke with a doctor & he provided some explanation as to why they had decided to not take my father off life support.
my father has 3 doc's in charge of his care & all 3 of them have to be in agreement to take him off. the doc told me the hole in my dad's lung was healing on it's own so bc of that, one of the doc's would not consent.

although my dad has pneumonia, emphysema, COPD (chronic obstructive pulmonary disorder), TB (present, testing is still out on whether it's active or not), a small cancerous tumor in his right lung, a larger but not biopsied tumor in his left lung, there's still hope. [???]

i asked the doc what kind of life my dad would have, would it be good?
my dad had told my cousin he did not want to live hooked up to machines & months ago (back in jan) when he went into the hospital he was on suicide watch. he told me he went in there bc he was tired of taking care of himself, tired of taking medicines & having to feed himself.

on wednesday i went to the hospital to pick up the last of my dad's belongings, my mom went with me, she didn't think i should go alone & B had school. turned out that was definitely a great call on my mom's part. we met with the doc i had spoke with on the phone previously. we went over everything again & were in agreement, my dad's quality of life would not be what he wanted, it would be best to take him off life support.

one of the other doc's would be in the hospital in a couple of hours & they asked us to wait around to speak with him as well.

that was a bad idea.

this was the lung doc, the one who did the surgery to sew the hole in my dad's lung. apparently when my dad went into the hospital, although he's been threatening suicide for months, he told this doc to do everything he could to save him....so the doc did...he went on & on about how hard he had to work, what poor shape my dad's lungs were in, how fragile the tissue was, all the stitches he had to make & all the glue he had to use; but he fixed him, he made him better, he saved the day.

my mom & i were in shock & awe alright, but more at why put forth the effort on someone who wanted to die [as far as we knew], who is indisputably in piss poor shape due to his own choices, why? [my mom later said he was probably expecting praise & thanks at this time instead of the response he got.]

at this point i started to cry, bc really all i felt was this guy was dragging out the inevitable. thankfully we [my mom, the nurse & social worked] had already discussed things & they knew i was losing it. the nurse brought up the cancer & i told the doc there was nothing they could do about that, there was no way he could survive any treatment & that he conceded to....reluctantly.

this doc really made me feel awful, made me feel like i want my dad dead, like this was my revenge. never mind that i was told a week ago to make final arrangements for him & they were basically only keeping him on life support while they searched for me.

the doc said he would take the drainage tube off my dad, that the hole was healing & he would do fine without it. they would ease him off the sedation medication & take out the breathing tube & he should be coherent & possibly able to speak. i could not deny my dad this chance if the doc was right, especially considering my dad told him to do everything he could.

since then whenever i call the hospital the nurses are abrupt & short or the last time i called the nurse just didn't answer my call; after 15 min on hold the head nurse got on the line & gave me updates on my dad.

they had removed the tube & my dad was ok. at one point they gave him some hemoglobin [when i asked why the nurse said bc he was low, thanks bitch]. the head nurse told me he was still being sedated & still intubated.