Monday, May 10, 2010


fri morning i called family, people that i hadn't seen nor spoken to it probably 20 years; some were friendly, others not so much. not that i'm trying to give the impression that i talked with a lot of people, but of all those whom i did speak with, only 1 person asked to see my dad before he passed on.

& that person wasn't even a relative.

the more i get to know my family, the better i appreciate my friends.....

when the doctor called me, i asked him if they could keep my dad on life support until monday evening. the dr seemed like i was asking for a lot, but said he would see what he could do & then asked for a 'do not resuscitate' order, which i agreed to.

once that was done, i spent the next few days worrying my father would pass & i hadn't made further arrangements so first thing monday morning i started making calls. initially i planned on going to the hospital to see my dad one last time, but then i decided it was best if i didn't go. i was getting angry with him; angry bc he chose not to be a father, to not make any arrangements for his approaching end, angry that he refused to grow up & do anything responsible.

when i called the hospital to let them know i wouldn't be there, they told me there was a note in the file that i wanted to be present when they took my father off life support.
NO! i did not want to watch that.

& before i could pass on the arrangements i'd made for my father's remains, the nurse tells me the doctors aren't ready to take my dad off life support now, that they need to consult.

that's it, that's all i get; after days of emotionally preparing myself for the end they tell me THEY aren't ready.

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