Thursday, June 25, 2009

that which will not be admitted to (aka the biohazard story)

the setting: ghetto house, B's really been making progress on the kitchen, the appliances were all moved to the back patio, kitchen cabinets were sanded & painted, new faux wood flooring was put in, only the stove was returned.
(ie, the ikea table & fridge were still outside)

the timeframe: after my last day of work (thurs the 11th), we packed up clothes & food (including some from the fridge) for the trip. then we went to SD house, the beach, the ER, back to the beach, back to the ER, back to the beach, back to SD house. we also had delays in SD & didn't get home until mon afternoon.

B headed out to run some errands & i decided to go pull some hamburger meat out of the freezer to finally have a real home cooked meal of stuffed bell peppers. i walked out to the back patio & noticed seepage from the fridge.
[i am dumb & did not make the correlation to consider why such a thing was there.]

i opened the freezer door [surprisingly didn't really notice the smell] but saw a lot of mold at the bottom, then immediately shut the door. i knew i needed to open the fridge side to verify the settings were all where they should be, so i did, they were, then my attn was attracted by the full grown maggots i disturbed when i opened the door. [sorry guys]

so i call B & tell him [yeah, i was being completely selfish & figured if he was going to be pissed, better he take it out on the people who needed the a$$-chewing (his errand included getting paperwork we needed to move that should have been completed before we left!)]. he was surprisingly calm about it.

we don't know when it died, but we know by the time we found it, it was beyond repair. ok, maybe it could be repaired, but there's no way anything could ever get it clean enough that i would ever FEED anyone food out of it.

but we've been busy & it's been HOT, so it wasn't until today that we finally got rid of it. we certainly didn't want to bring it through the house, so that meant we had to get it through the side gate over a fair amount of grass. [in case you're wondering, that isn't easy] in fact, once we got it on the grass, it was virtually impossible for us to move & B ended up putting a rope around it, tying it to the back of the truck & yanking it to the driveway. [hell, if we ain't ghetto who is?]

OMG, the smell was beyond atrocious, both B & I were gagging, we had even taped all around it but nothing could mellow the stench. as we drove to the dump, B was worried they wouldn't accept the fridge, that they may ask if it was cleaned out, etc.

i told him if they ask about the tape we can tell them it was in the garage & we had taped it for safety reasons. that if they didn't accept it, we'd have to go for a drive in the desert - heck all those drives we've been through we've always talked about perfect places to dump a dead body, why not a fridge full of rotting food? then we told Z he WAS NOT allowed to talk to the person who let us in; we knew if there was any delay our secret would be out.

as we drove up the lady at the entry point was outside of her hut, so B slowed down to give her time to go back in & hopefully not catch a whiff of our stench. she took a look at the back of the truck & asked "just household?" we said yes & she let us in!! [ok, we aren't very religious people but once we entered we said a bunch of "thank you God" & "God is good" statements because we were SO grateful! that woman has no idea what we would have given her to be allowed to dump that fridge.]

we drove over to the pile of regular trash & got rid of that, then headed over to the section where the appliances are. B attempted to go around back [to hid our secret] but there was a little hill preventing it, so we had to put it right in front. all the other fridges there were old, dirty & in poor condition, this fridge is a side-by-side & it's only about 8 years old , it stuck out in the crowd. we KNOW some poor soul is going to think it's a find that they can fix or have repaired [until they open it & possibly die].

as we drove off i told B we should have covered his license plates & that now we needed to go to confession. [he's not even catholic, but whomever opens that fridge is definitely going to curse us for a long, long time.] we showered as soon as we got home & washed all our clothes immediately because they reeked as well. i've tried cleaning the concrete, even putting concentrated cleaning directly on it but the stains remain.

B said something about how they could trace the fridge back to us from the serial #, i told him if anyone calls, we gave it away, this story never happened.


  1. i couldn't make it past "full grown maggots"...gugghhhhh
    that was in one story the grossest thing AND the funniest thing!! ha ha ha
    everyone has a maggot story whether they want to admit it or not. lol

  2. Not a good one to read on my lunchbreak...ugh... :)


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