B's mom - we don't provide enough structure for Z; he needs to have a difinitive time for dinner & bedtime. his bedtime has always been 8:30 we recently moved it up to 8; so what she's really telling me is i need to be june cleaver & have dinner on the table at 6pm every night (because that will solve all our problems).
my mom - we don't let Z make enough decisions, he's not allowed to have a thought process, we're raising a child who can't think for himself. although i thought some of his anger stemmed from not being allowed to make more decisions so i tried to accommodate this, but now Z thinks he runs the household. he is allowed to make decisions that affect him, but at the same time i have to be aware that he tries to make decisions for me as well.
i realize they're both trying to help, but my mom was really combative about it, she doesn't get how different Z is from me. if i would have been like him & she had to raise me, i'd probably be in jail.