more than i ever wanted to know

a few weeks ago when Z was sick & we spent a few days on sofa watching tv we caught a program about endangered species & i just HAVE to share some of the things i learned on this show. (this is a big deal because it was weeks ago & i still remember this stuff!)

as stated, it was a show about endangered animals & i thought they were going to give background info about them, but boy was i wrong! they talked about human intervention to re-establish populations, ie sperm retrieval & placement. i should have change the channel immediately (because of the sure to follow uncomfortable questions i would get from Z) but i couldn't, actually i don't think i blinked for an entire hour...well maybe during commercials or when i was laughing hysterically.

the first animal they showed were some elephants so i couldn't change the channel because i love them. here's what i learned, the male elephant produces a soda can's worth of seed! & he can produce up to 5 cans in one day!

then they showed retrieval of the seed - the man massaging the elephant's prostate! yup, shoulder deep! & Z in the background "EW, he's got his arm in the elephant's booty, that's SO GROSS!" while my eyes are popping out of my head.

then there was the placement of the seed - so you know the male elephant's unit has to be 5 (count that 1, 2, 3, 4, 5) FEET long to get anywhere near where it needs to be! ok, that's my mom! my mom's entire body could easily fit inside a female elephant's...receptacle....

next was a rhino & i surely could not change the channel now...why you ask? because when a male rhino goes in defense mode his unit shrinks up into his body & i wasn't going miss watching that!

yup, they showed the guy yanking on the rhino's unit because they needed to put a condom on the end of it to catch his spill. oh, to stimulate the male rhino's prostate, they used a vibrator, i bet the male elephant would be jealous if he only knew!