Thursday, November 5, 2009

the good, the bad & the epically dysfunctional

yesterday mom & i headed down to visit nana. i didn't sleep well the night before, things have been a little weird with my mom since we moved back & i wasn't sure exactly, how that drive was going to go; it ended up being fine though.

when we got to the hospital, uncle asshole was there sitting in the corner. i said hi to him & to nana & then my mom started talking with nana, so i instigated a little chitchat with him (how are you, etc). his answers were brief but i didn't really think to much of it, i was being cordial & if he didn't want to get into details, i was fine with that.

then the nurse came in & told us nana was going to be discharged [fyi, this is the good part, relish it while you can], she would need 24 hour care & left. i asked my uncle what were we going to do & his response was "i'm handling it".
me - well, what are you doing?
UA - you don't need to know
me - yes, i do, she's my grandmother, i have the right to know what's going on with her.
UA - i'm handling it
me - why do you feel you have the right to keep this information to yourself? this isn't about you, this is about nana.
UA - you know what you did
me - no, i don't know 'what i did' [i honestly do not have a clue what he's talking about, the last interaction i've had with him was ~15 yrs ago at a party as his house, other than that we haven't had contact other than the christmas cards i sent him]

in the middle of the discussion, my mother is coming at him, from the left, then the right, seething words & pointing fingers in his face. she reminded me of a bee with a stinger; if it hadn't been so horribly awful, i probably would have been laughing my ass off at the scene....

i kept on telling my mom to relax, i wanted to get him to talk, i wanted to know what his problem was, but he wouldn't let anything out, apparently he doesn't want to solve the situation & prefers to just live with his hate & anger.

we went round & round but every response he gave me was a dead end. he told me i was like my mother [by then i was pissed & told him i'd rather be like her than him]. i told him he was being childish [& he said "oh yeah, i'm the one being childish" ????? really? think you aren't? you won't tell me what the f-ing problem is!] i finally told him you're the one that's going to have to live with yourself & the choices you've made.

i don't remember what or how it dissolved, i ended up leaving the room to go to the nurse's station. i went to get a contact name & number from nana's files, beings the UA link had been obliterated. i tried holding it together but right there in front of everyone i just fell apart. who does this kind of shit? who treats people like that? what f-ing right does this man think he has?

my mom & i left to meet AO for lunch & told her some of what went down. AO is another issue, she's there in town, but not speaking to nana, did not visit or call her once the entire time nana was in the hospital. although she did have a friend who visited nana daily so AO ended up with more info than i was able to get with daily calls to the hospital.

after lunch we went back to the hospital, my uncle was still there, in the corner, with his book, just sitting there. if you didn't know better you might wonder if he was even breathing. we told nana we were coming back, so he knew we were returning but he just sat there the entire time we were there. why he didn't/couldn't/wouldn't leave is simply further evidence of his unprecedented level of asshole.

the nurse came back in & asked "ok, what has the family decided" and that was the only way we found out anything....
UA told her he'd contacted social services to get assistance with the 24-hr that was needed. the dr also wants her to have a hospital bed at home & he was working w/ss for that. the nurse said ss might not be able to get a bed that day for nana, so she asked if we wanted nana to stay over-night in the hospital if that was the case & he said yes.

my mom & i were not part of the conversation at all.


  1. UA is unbelievable. sorry it was like that for you guys.

    but i could totally picture your mom buzzing around with her stinger ready to plunge into his jugular!

  2. it was completely unreal...& my mother, hilarious, i don't know that i've ever seen her that angry.

    well, i probably have, i'm her child? it's my job to do that...

  3. i was UA upset because you both moved away? even though he wants to be in control and chooses to be the one he resents you both for moving away and leaving him with the responsibility?
    just a thought.

  4. i don't know...but you made me think of something - traditionally, the youngest female wasn't supposed to marry, she was supposed care for the aging it is possible that UA is SO backwards, that he DOES hold this against my mom.

    i mean, i asked my mom wtf he meant when he said i was like her & she said it's probably because i questioned him, which in his f-ed up world is SO wrong - women do NOT question men. women were created soley to cook, clean & procreate....processes outside of that are beyond our mental capabilities.

  5. wow...maybe if he would share the info then you all could help...what a crazy!


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