iron man, the song this time

the other day Z comes home singing "ta na nanana tanana" ok, forgive me because i don't know how to write it out in a way that you can get it, but he was humming iron man, well enough for me to recognize it. so i waited around a bit, then he finally sang the words "i am iron man, am i dead or alive?"...with a little adlibbing.

he said he was told not to sing it (but he still was)

soundtrack to my life, at least part I

remember when i found the goldmine, well, although that was a good find, i can not believe what i stumbled upon yesterday. mother-in-law is coming to visit soon, so that means the house is getting a thorough cleaning. (M i know you came to visit not that long ago & i did clean the house then too, just not to the level necessary for mother-in-law.) off in the corner is a little table & underneath are a few old vcr tapes stacked; most are cartoons, etc for Z but a few are mine one being 16 candles. i know B has been pushing for some time to get rid of the vcr, honestly how often do we use, hardly ever but after yesterday it just might get used daily!

so the tape has "yo mtv raps" in M handwriting (i hope i asked you permission before overwriting your tape M, if not i apologize your stuff is gone, like 17 or 18 years ago gone...). then in my handwriting it says "juniors" so the tape is one i made for when i worked at may company. they made a wall of tvs, gave us a vcr & one (ONE) tape of videos to play over & over & over & over. the music wasn't horrible that i remember, the only song i can recall is one by billy idol.

so i made my own tape, back in the day MTV had this novel approach where, they actually played music on their channel not BS. MTV used to be a really good thing, so here's the list of videos i found. the quality isn't that great, it is almost 20 years old, but i was grinning from ear to ear. Z was in his room as punishment for something & i told him he could come out & listen to the music for a music appreciation class!

So in Love - OMD a classic
Heartbreak Beat by Psychedelic Furs, love Richard Butler's voice here
Each Time You Break my Heart - Nick Kamen, not so alternative, but a good watch! there was a link on utube, but it was a different video, this link matches, however, if you check out utube, there's also a Levi commercial he did - Hot, very hot!
People are People - Depeche Mode live, wow, awesome, Dave Gahan looks so young, bleach tipped hair
I Go Crazy When I'm Without You - Flesh for Lulu this band was so underrated in the 80s, they also had a really great song called "Postcards from Paradise"
Hot, Hot, Hot - the Cure i believe this song was written about Robert Smith's experiences with drugs. this was the first concert i went to in sd with by best friend E.
Bedbugs & Ballyhoo - Echo & the Bunnymen, love it. Echo first caught my attn in Lost Boys with a remake of the Door's "People are Strange". oh, the link has a few other fanastic Echo songs! yeah!
Perfect Kiss - New Order, an extreme favorite back in the day
Beds are Burning - Midnight Oil, they're first mainstream song. link is to their website with a list of videos.
Strangelove - DM, funny to see all the women they have parading around, who are they trying to fool? oh, went to this concert w/E too.
All in my Mind - Love & Rockets another great band, love many of their songs. saw them in concert too, lead singer was an ass on stage though. L&R opened for Orgy (the band) who did an edgy remake of "Blue Monday" which i liked. they put on a good show, the video doesn't do Jay Gordon (lead singer) justice though, he's a performer, also very hot! found it live
Milky Way - the Church, "reptile" is a good one too
How Soon is Now? - the Smiths, love, love, LOVE this song!
Suspicion - Gene Loves Jezabel, good song, "Motion of Love" & "Desire" were also very good
Behind the Wheel - DM
Bottom Line - Big Audio Dynamite, start there, also worth listening to: E=MC2, the Glove, C'mon Every Beat Box,
There's a Light - Smiths, love, love, LOVE this one too!
World Shut your Mouth - Julian Cope
Need You Tonight - INXS, aw the first of many to come...Michael Hutchence looking really good, telling me he needs me tonight because he's not sleeping. oh & this is the version w/mediate at the end. I got so caught up in it i forgot to put the link in there!
Suedehead - Morrissey, because he's so much fun!
Mandinka - Sinead O'Connor before the Pope incident & she was just singing
Blood & Roses - the Smithereens, a great band
Victoria - the Fall, very british
Mirror People - Love & Rockets
Blue Monday - New Order version
New Sensation - INXS Michael in a suit w/a pony tail which today looks a little gay, but back then was very goof!
It's my Life - Talk Talk, before Gwyen Stafani did it
Trash City - Joe Strummer, this is a great song, it was the theme song for a movie starring Keanu Reeves. i haven't seen it since i was a teenager, need to watch it again. this isn't the video i have, it's a tribute to JS who died in 2002. i couldn't locate the correct one, i guess it's rather obscure...
Only a Memory - Smithereens
Happy Birthday - Altered Images, everyone at worked hated this video, they didn't get that it was from 16 candles - losers! it can get a bit annoying but come on i hear so much worse on the radio!
Inside Out - Mighty Lemon Drops
Listen Like Thieves - INXS, from before they were popular, sweet! i could only find a live version, not the video i have, so will have to link later.
Roxanne - the Police, scratch that, it's Sting, solo just him & a guitar, oh & clothes, i mentioned that because even B was "wowed" by him. amazing!
Hands on Me - Sinead O'Connor featuring MC Lyte
Dead Heart - Midnight Oil, see link above
Good Times - INXS & Jimmy Barnes from the movie Lost Boys
I Got You - Split Enz
Guns in the Sky - INXS, think i got a thing MC? yup
What You Need - INXS, wow, remembering that black figure of MC back when they were so new it made me sad to think of what his future could have been, what we missed.
The One Thing - INXS this was my introduction to INXS (when i thought it was pronounced in-inks-es), i've loved this song from the first time i heard it, make sure to also listen to "Dancing on a Jetty", "Mystify", "Original Sin"
Tonight - the Cars, i'm not sure why this is here, it doesn't fit in, so i'm not linking it...um, the cars was the first cassette i bought to go in the walkman my dad bought me way back when
Locomtion - OMD
People Are People - DM, yeah we already did this one, but hey, it's DM so why not! besides, it fades into glorious
Question of Lust - DM, Martin all S&M'ed out, but still a FANTASTIC song! while you're there check out "Black Celebration" & "the Sun & the Rainfall" good stuff before they were popular
West End Girls - Pet Shop Boys, a definitive song of the 80s, it was good before they played it one trillion times...
Suspicious Minds - a fabulous Elvis re-make done by FYC, f*** you C***, er I mean Fine Young Cannibals. watch the guitar/bass/whatever player on the left dance, it's fricken hilarious! FYC was a really good group, while you're there check out "Johnny Come Home", "I'm not the Man I used to Be" & "Ever Fallen in Love"
Here I Go Again - Force MD's doesn't fit in, but i really liked this song & "Tender Love"
Digging Your Scene - Blow Monkeys, not really a band i dug
Perfect Way - Scritti Politti, i loved this song the first time i heard, too bad that was all they had to offer...
Wham Rap - hahaha! well, what can i say, it was before we all figured out George was gay, i remember a friend having the hugest crush on Andrew Ridgely & who could forget Pepsi & Shirley, oops, you did?
You Spin Me Round - Dead or Alive, i liked them way back before they were wedding singer material, i had 2 cassettes & knew every word to every song...
So in Love - OMD
68 Guns - The Alarm
I Send a Message - INXS
Sunday Bloody Sunday - U2
Impressed - Charlie Sexton
What you Need - INXS
Get the Balance Right - DM
Everything Counts - DM
Music That You Can Dance To - Sparks
Just Can't Get Enough - DM
Love In Itself - DM
After the Fire - U2
Let's Go to Bed - the Cure
A Night Like This - the Cure
Planet Earth - Duran Duran
Girls on Film - Duran Duran
People Are People - DM
I Confess - General Public
Tenderness - General Public
How to be a Millionaire - ABC
Beat so Lonely - Charlie Sexton
No One is to Blame - HoJo
Listen Like Thieves - INXS
Stay - Oingo Boingo

falling down a mountain, end up kissing dirt

ok, it wasn't a mountain.

Z & I took L-bird for a walk. we started to sprint & well, L-bird has barely learned how to walk on a leash anything beyond that was new territory for the girl. so when we picked up speed, she got the forward part, that's in her nature, but she was spastic, just all over the place & although i kept tugging the leash over to the right, she was still everywhere. i stepped on a paw & that was the end of it...in slow motion of course...

& it wasn't dirt, it was pavement.

i stepped on her paw with my right foot, my next step with my left foot was off, i attempted to regain my balance & thought i had it, but then the following right step was when i knew i was going down. & before i knew it i was splattered on the pavement. luckily it was almost dark, so no one else was out & i don't think anyone saw me. i looked up immediately & called to Z to make sure he stopped & waited for me to see if i could pick myself up. then i hear voices in the open garage just a few feet away from me, so there was no time for games, i quickly picked myself up & started walking as if i hadn't been laying on the sidewalk in front of their house. luckily there's a mailbox right there so if they heard any commotion they probably thought i was checking the mail, not inspecting the pavement.

i ended up with a scabbed knee & i managed to scrap nailpolish off 1/2 my left toe as i slid across the pavement.

oh & as for the song reference (in case you didn't get it, it's INXS), it's a little foreshadowing for the next post, see you there.

Z & counseling

last friday i went to Z's school & requested he meet w/the school counselor. we've had quite a few issues w/him at home & i'm at my wits end with this kid. he's so different from me, SO, SO different. at the end of meeting the counselor asked "what did i want most?" to come out of their meetings. the answer, "for my child to respect my authority because if he doesn't at 6, what am i going to do when he's 16?"
he met with Z that afternoon & when i quizzed Z about it he only said they talked about family.

on monday evening Z had another melt down so on tuesday i called the counselor to let him know about it. he said he would call Z in that day & we talked some. he told me in Z's view, i'm at the bottom of the totem pole so it doesn't bother him to yell at me because i'm beneath him. then he asked me if i thought Z respected me, he asked with trepidation, it's a harsh question i know, but i told him honestly i wasn't sure.
tues afternoon i probed Z about meeting the counselor; he said they discussed treating others the way we want to be treated.

last night we had a bit of a battle again, lying over brushing his teeth, he still argued back a few times, ended up in the corner for 15 minutes & was threatened with a belt spanking (by B, because mine aren't hard enough (Z's words)).
when all was said & done i asked him why doesn'the just listen to me? why does he have to argue? why do we have to threaten a spanking? why can't he do what's asked of him & everyone be happy?

being a parent is way harder than i thought it would be & my mom, she got off SO easy...B's mom on the other hand is probably going straight to heaven after raising those 2 boys.

note to mother nature

i'm really sorry about saying that thing about summer being over, please forgive me.
yesterday when i got in the car after work it was 118!!!
summer is so not over, we still have the entire month of september to sweat profusely...

2,500+

i printed a document that was over 2,500 pages; it took the entire day, stopped every few minutes for more paper & all 4 print cartridges had to be replaced (at different intervals of course).
if i have to edit it at any point in the future, i'm going to cry...

hey dumbass, it was your anniversary 2 days ago

that's a note to self...
B & I consider Aug 24, 1996 (the day we met) more of an anniversary than our wedding day. as he puts it the meeting was by chance, the wedding, well, once the meeting happened, the wedding was going to happen, it was just a matter of time.
(sweet huh?)
the problem with that is there's no certificate for me to go check the date!

& by the time B & I met, i had given up up remembering all our couple firsts...you know, first date, first kiss, first blah, blah, blah...
i got tired of remembering all those dates, only for it to cause me pain in the future realizing that date no longer matter, that person was no longer a part of my life.

i bought the anniversary card a few weeks ago, i know the anniversary is aug 20 something. i couldn't remember the year, i thought we were on 13, but he corrected me that it was only 12. i thought the day was either the 26th or 28th so last night when we were out for a walk i asked & he laughed & said "it was yesterday". so i burst out laughing, funny that no feelings were hurt.
things are so different from last year.

i love you B!

napster bad

if you never saw this, it's fantastic!

i hadn't watched it in many years, but thought of it when i found some old disks of downloaded music from back in the glorious days of napster. unfortunately the music was unretrievable, i'm sure metallica has something to do with that....f-ing lars!

the devil wears

i just watched the devil wears prada yesterday. honestly, who, WHO would choose the blonde guy over Adrian Grenier? really, whomever chose the actors for the role failed on that one.
i didn't really like the big hair, but nice mouth, spectacular eyes & loved the fuzzy face. i'm not into the metrosexual thing; it's just wrong when a person w/testicles has less facial hair than i do.

can i use your potty?

at work there's only 1 women's bathroom & although there's only 6 or 7 females here, it's always occupied.
on some days i even had to hold it 2 to 3 hours just to get my timing right to find the highly anticipated open door.
i've gotten to the point where i will take random walks down the hallway & go use the bathroom even when i don't have to pee, but if the door is open i have to take that opportunity while it exists.

this morning as i felt the urge, i went & checked, closed. of course, i don't have 2to 3 hours of waiting time this round. about 20 minutes later B calls for something (i'm not sure what because i didn't really let him talk) i interrupted him with "can i use your potty?".
"um, what? don't you have one?"
"yes, of course we have one, but i can't use it, there's always someone in there"
"yeah, sure, meet you at the door"

thankfully, B has moved to the building right next to me & i can use his potty.
i may use it daily!

B at church

i forgot about this part of the weekend, but found it rather funny...

i don't know why but everytime i saw B out of the corner of my eye, i didn't recognize him & i found it rather disturbing. i don't think it was because he was dressed up, he was just wearing a white shirt, tie & black pants. maybe it was the circumstances & the environment & i was tired, but a few times i would look at him & think "why is this guy getting so close to me?"

would it have been ok for him to wear cami's to the funeral?
maybe then i would have been a little more comfortable.

then at during the sermon, you know, i thought B & I had been at this type of environment before, but this time he just about floored me, he started RECITING THE PRAYERS!!!!
i couldn't believe he knew them, to hear his voice saying them (in a non-mocking way) was just WEIRD!

i know his religious experience has been heinz 57, but i've always gone to catholic church (when i went & it wasn't much at all) & i don't know the prayers. i can typically finish them but i need a lead in, but he was on it, he knew it.

i was impressed.

house dream

i had this dream last night that we went to go check on SD house & found that the renter had abandoned it. she was still paying rent, so we didn't know why no one was there or how long it had been empty. i surmized (from where i don't know) that she had left the house for her daughter to live in, taking all her furniture, but the daughter ended up leaving too.

so our "renters" were gone however a transient found the house hospitable & taken up residence, his belongings & trash were laying around. he had been entering through a side window behind the fence so none of the neighbors had seen his comings & goings to alert us. then as B & I are walking through the house trying to figure things out, the guy comes in (thru the window) & is all pissy about us being in HIS space!

a chase ensued but after that the dream gets fuzzy...

my hulk shoulders

so i've been doing the working out thing right. although my arms weren't looking too bad, i figured no one ones flabby arms, so i got a set of hand weights. i worked on my arms for a few weeks when one day i noticed i had hulk shoulders, even B said i looked funny.

i thought i was working the upper arm but some how the affect came out in my shoulders; so although they weren't really big, on my little frame they looked out of proportion. i stopped doing the exersizes & need to find a new routine to work the right area, however my shoulders are still big.

think i'm lying? this morning i got in the car, reached over to put something on the passenger seat & ripped my shirt sleeve. the sleeve isn't even tight so i didn't feel any restrictions as i reached over, it wasn't a seam that was compromised, i tore the fabric.

it was already after 7 so i couldn't go back inside to change, so here i am at work w/my ripped clothing, i feel so 80's.

summer is over

fall is on its way....
yesterday when i left work it was only 95. yeah, if you don't live in the desert that sounds miserable, but if you do live in the desert, that's cool. it was hotter (99) when i took my lunch break though. and this morning it was 69 when i got in the car, nice & cool.
the hottest it got this summer was one day when i left work the car said 118. the forecasts haven't been over 115 though.

1st day of 1st grade

yesterday was Z's first day of 1st grade. although we've been prepping for this day for about a month, it finally clicked that when i said first day of school he got that meant "morning school" not the daycare he's been going to all summer.
(already perfected that selective hearing thing i guess)

so he got to use his "skater backback" (backpack). B & I took him to school, found his class & met his teacher. she's very exhuberant; which is good thing, girl's gonna need every bit of that energy as she has a ratio of 75% boys in her class. that's not good for Z, he does better w/girls, w/boys he's prone to battle to determine the hierarchy. we stayed for about 15 min into class & we were the 2nd to the last parents to leave, nobody sticks around in 1st grade the way they do in kindergarten apparently.

at the end of the day i picked him up from daycare. Z has graduated to the big room now & left the safety of the K room. the big kid room is overseen by bigger kids (can't be over 20), so i was pleased to see Z wasn't bruised, bleeding & didn't have a busted lip or an egg on his forehead & as far as we know he didn't cause any on anyone else. his first day was uneventful & our world that =s great!

when i asked him how everything went he didn't really have much to say. the best part of his day was the brownie w/ice cream that he ate at daycare. he saw his buddy J at school on the playground during recess & ate lunch w/him. his teacher has a jar for marbles, so when they are good & fill that jar w/marbles they can have a party - like a popcorn party where they get to watch a movie or a hallowink party.

the good parts about the w/e

in all the goings on over the weekend, there were some good things, some very good things worth remembering the next time i dread heading down there again:

- at the wake i ran into a friend from hs (Susan). not a classmate, she is/was an employee in the office & for one of my classes i took office aid, so i saw her daily. it was really neat to run into her after 19 years. what was even neater was to find out after all this time she didn't even know who my mom was. she asked me how i was related to my uncle & when i explained who my mother was, she couldn't believe it. she & my mom were friends since they were 13! she is a very nice woman & to know that she was kind to me just because, nothing to do w/my family, makes her even more endearing. her husband died some years ago & she married my uncle's brother, so now we're kin.

- finally got to meet baby C!!!! whoohoo! he's so cute & chunky, lovely black curls in his hair. wouldn't let me hold him though. made the same "mmmm" sounds as Z used to when he drank from his bottle. wish we could have spent more time over there but it was late, he was sick & we had to get up early the next day.

- a very old friend (Michelle) from hs, actually 3rd grade is when we met, came to the church & cemetery. if i saw her i didn't recognize her, but she called out to me, she looks even better than she did in hs (& i was jealous of her then!). we talked a bit at the cemetery, seems so weird that we're parents w/kids. talking to her, i felt like i was 19 years old still. i was very touched that she attended the services for my uncle.

- visited Nana, she's doing well & looks good. mom went too (a grand bonus). we tooks some pics w/everyone & chatted a bit. couldn't stay very long as we had to go to the hall, but i know she can't handle long visits anyways. Z entertained us by gathering up dead roaches & parading them around.

saw a ghost

at the wake Z needed a drink so we were leaving the front room towards the hallway & we stopped to let a little, old, frail, hunch-backed man pass. the man looked up at me & i was frozen, dazed, confused.

this person was my father.

there's no way, anyone could have prepared me for what i saw. we last saw him about 3 - 3 1/2 years ago & he's aged significantly.
i'm taller than him, i weigh more than him.
he's hunched over & has to pick his head up to look in front of him. you can see his shoulder blades thru his shirt, his pants are only held on by a belt sitting on his hip bones, his face is skeletal. if it wasn't for his eyes, i would not have recognized him at all.

we talked w/him outside & took a few pics w/him, but it if someone later were to tell me i dreamt all that, i would have believed them because it just didn't seem real.

my mom rode w/us from the church to the cemetery & we told her about it. i didn't see him at church but he was at the funeral & he did make his way over. he even talked w/my mom. or, i guess i should say she responded, she's always been very unapproachable to him (wonder where i get it from?).

i know my mom hasn't aged THAT well in the past 10 years, but my dad aged 20-25 years in the past 3. he said he's supposed to get some surgery done on his back, but i don't know that his frail body could recover from it.

wake & funeral

the wake started at 6 & i had hoped to be there before it started, but that's not the way it worked out. when we arrived the parking lot was full & the sermon had already started. we walked in to a full house, people sitting in the waiting room even. i signed the guest book & looked for my family but didn't see them.

we went down the hall to a side room & sat for the sermon. when it finished i got up & found my aunt A. i went & asked her where the rest of the family was because i had forgotten about the little room in front for the family. i went back there & found everyone.
you know, even when you know death is coming, there's no way to be prepared for the loss, it hurts just as much.

my aunt O's words "me dejaste, me dejaste" (he left me) cut deep.

the next morning was a viewing, but i couldn't go. the last time i saw my uncle was in the hospital & even then, he was not the uncle i remember. he will always be the big strong man from my teenage years.

my mom arrived w/my aunt & family from the mortuary to the church, Z was happy to see her. the church part was kind of hard to get through, lots of tears from everyone. i should have gone up & said a few words, but i couldn't.

the finaly goodbye at the cemetery was even harder. cousin S read a goodbye letter to her father & cousin M broke down like i've never heard him.
my Uncle M was a very good man, they were lucky to have such a good father.

just how many times can one get lost?

many....
so we're on the 10 looking for either 86 or 111 & i see a sign for 111. actually, i take that back, i didn't see the sign, B told me it said 111 & to change lanes, which i did, pulling out in front of another vehicle which luckily saw me coming & moved out of my way.

why didn't i see the sign? why did i pull out in front of another vehicle? because B wouldn't get his hand off my boob while i was trying to drive. i'm driving & trying to remove the hand, so i don't see the 1st sign. i'm continuing to attempt to remove the hand again when i miss the sign saying which lane i have to be in & by that time the lane is veering off the main road.

after all that commotion we end up on side streets, not a highway. B finally decides to be a good co-pilot & look at the map to discover there's a fake 111 in palm springs that doesn't connect to the real 111 that we needed. so then he had to figure out where we were & how to get back on the 10 so we could take the real 111.

it wasn't long before we were back on the right track & we were seeing signs for the real 111 & the 86. beings our initial attempt at the 111 failed so miserably i opted for the 86.
that ended up being a bad idea because once again, we ended up on side streets, not a highway.
how i manage these things i really don't know!
finally we saw a sign that said hwy 86 & we got on the road we were supposed to be on (found out we were on avenue 86 - why they gotta be so dang confusing? the turn-off didn't say "AVENUE" it just said 86!).
we arrived in town shortly before 7, i was aiming for 5:30ish...

aka Montana Heaven Horn

We all need a stripper name. See what your stripper name will be, and share it with your friends.

1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first name:
a = Chesty
b = Fantasia
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Pinky
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n = Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixie
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitzy
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w = Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooters
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
h = jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = storm
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

some of my friends are: Chesty Velvet Shock, Sugar Glitzy Storm, Chesty Leathertush, Bambi Silver-shock

feeling like a dork

for walking out of the house & pressing the door lock button on my CAR key to lock the front door.

i don't speak code

co-worker & i are unofficially the software gurus of the office....which says a lot about the rest of the office's capabilities. if anything needs to get done & someone is unable to figure it out themselves, they don't research it themselves, they come to us to figure it out for them.

so first thing yesterday morning, we get a forward of a forward of an email that someone has a doc that they need in xml/sgml. the extent of my knowledge in that arena is that is some variant of html code...& that's it. co-worker's knowledge was the equivalent of mine, but she has other work so it was my responsiblity.

keep in mind my limited research capabilities, even more restricted download abilities (microsoft.com was denied!), not to mention it has to be free; it was looking like an impossible task. i searched converting from word, rtf, interleaf but got lucky w/adobe
(who would have thought? adobe i'm sorry for all the bad things i've said about you)
although word has an xml toolbar (that i couldn't download), adobe has a simple export to xml - very nice!

oh & i picked up some simple html code in the meantime...sweet!

ready to travel

the upcoming travel B will be going on at some point in the future includes the possibility of going back to Okinawa. however remote that possibility is, i decided Z & I need to be prepared to tag along so a few weeks ago we sent our paperwork in.

i didn't think we had to have one for Z but i wanted to be safe. the world's a crazy place, the kid looks nothing like B & I, so i wanted our bases covered. ended up being a good thing as i discovered in my research last week that all children no matter how young should have a passport when traveling outside the country. anyways, when the lady at the post office looked his paperwork over & said "oh, he is yours" i knew i had made the right decision, i guess she was expecting an adoption certificate....
so his passport arrived last week before we headed out of town.

as for me, this is my 3rd passport. my 1st one was to go to australia summer before senior year. the 2nd one was to go visit B in Okinawa in 2000, still valid but it had my maiden name. my new one arrived over the weekend. i should be good for awhile now, it's valid thru 2018 (that sounds so space age!). maybe i can get more than one trip in this one.

B said there's also a chance he may have to go to the main island - whoohoo!
ok, but we are not tagging along for the iraq trip.

August beach trip

wasn't memorable. it wasn't bad, just nothing stands out other than it was hot & i had a difficult time sleeping. we almost canceled considering everything else, especially after the Uncle M news. but i figured being out of town would be a good distraction & as far as that goes, it was.

Oh, R & kids showed up, sister too but no V, that's still not looking good. He's doing well though & said the girls are adjusting. they ended up staying the night. R looked hilarious curled up on that little sofa & J on top of him, then she was on the sofa arm & finally she went to the floor - poor kid!

OC-D said they might want to join us sometime, so we're considering an Oct trip depending on B's schedule.

about those hockey pucks...

WASN'T MY FAULT, WASN'T MY FAULT!

haha, we attempted to make pancakes w/the same batter that i made 2 rounds of hockey pucks i mean, biscuits with & they came out horrible!
so it wasn't my fault!
really, my biscuits turn out just like KFC's
ok maybe not!

the girls

normally, once i get to the 15, i breathe a huge sigh of relief. i love the freeway. for some reason though everyone was going 65 & really messing me up.

anyways by the time we got down to OC i realized i was hungry...again (i told you i was pms-ing & have been eating enough to feed a small village). instead of driving down & checking in we decided to head right over to sushi. we knew we'd be early, but that's so out of character for us, we thought we'd give it a try.

there was a mall across the street, so we went over there for about 1/2hr, then headed over to Sho's. he already had spots reserved & after waiting what seemed like forever we went ahead & ordered before the girls showed up. we gobbled up our food before they even appeared (lesson 1 on how not to eat like a pig, arrive early & eat w/out witnesses - haha!).

they finally did arrive & had a fanastic "slut/damn i'm old" hat for the birthday girl (T). we had more sushi, some saki & beer. Z had octopus (which he didn't like as much as he thought), a little salmon & a bowl of rice.
it was so great to see them all (OC-D, A & D); they couldn't believe how big Z was. last time we were there B was in Japan & Z was an infant; that's when i took his swing to the sushi bar - talk about making yourself comfortable!

we saw the opening of the olympics, it was very neat.

just a little pressure

although we had planned on heading out of town somewhat early, it didn't turn out that way. packing always takes longer than expected, B staying down in dana point for work, then the added possibility of heading out to brawley for Uncle M's funeral really kicked things up a notch or 2.

once we finally got everything squared away & we were down a few blocks i realized we didn't have our map. i know how to get to brawley from the beach but don't know how to get home from brawley. it should be easy enough but i really don't care for the slightest chance of getting lost in the desert. we looked in the trunk & throughout the house to no avail, must have left it in the rental car after the SF trip.

it must have been an effort to delay getting on the dreaded 395. i hate that road. it's a death trap. 2 lanes with too many semi's, rv's, campers, vehicles towing toys & boats & wide loads carrying houses (yes, houses). this road brings out the worst in everyone. typically truck drivers are the best drivers out there, they have to be w/such large vehicles requiring extra braking time, etc, but not on this road. don't be surprised to see these guys passing on a double yellow line or on your ass because your only going 80!
the rest of the vehicles, well, expect at least one game of chicken. there are occasional passing zones, where EVERYONE floors it (yeah, even grandma who normally wouldn't dream of going over 45, she's going 90....& flipping you off for getting in her way).

the icing on the cake - i was pms-ing...bad...for over a week...was at the point where i was wishing it would JUST START ALREADY.

cousin C called about 1/2hr into the drive & let us know the funeral schedule: fri & sat. so all the extra stressing & packing was just practice.

to my friends, loved ones & especially Z

please do not smoke cigarettes - i love you!

it's been a rough morning. although Uncle M had a family history of cancer, the dr's told Aunt O they were 95% sure my Uncle's cancer stemmed from smoking. i never saw him smoke, even when i lived in his house, but i would always see a pack in his shirt pocket. i figured he was just the type to carry them around but didn't really smoke much. my Aunt told me he smoked for over 50 years, that he hid it; he would get up early to smoke before anyone else was awake & he would smoke at work. he quite smoking about 5 years ago but prior to that, US cigarettes wouldn't fulfill his addiction & he started buying filterless ones from mexico.

Dear Z, i hope you never smoke. maybe it wasn't right for Poppa & I to let you try a friend's cigarette when you were 5. we figured that you are a lot like us & if we prevented it, it would just increase the allure & your curiosity. we both hope that allowing you to try it, to see how bad it tastes made an impression on you. that hopefully in the future, you won't be intimidated by your peers, you will know & remember. this is same thing Grammie did w/me when i was a child. in my teen years i did try cigarettes again a few times, each time i tried i found them horribly disgusting. i hope it does the same for you. love you!

RIP Uncle M

when i got home from work there was a message from mom to call her. i got my cell phone to return the call & there was a VM from cousin C, Uncle M had passed was her tearful message.

i called my mom & told her i got the message, so we talked some, then i called C back. she told me she had gone to the house about 12:30, everything was fine but they had noticed a change in palor, he was lighter. Uncle M's sister went to hold his hand about 1pm & didn't feel a pulse, the sheet was pulled down & his chest wasn't moving either. 911 was called & they confirmed what was already known, Uncle M had passed in his sleep.

it was a long, tough battle; thankfully it wasn't drawn out over many years like some people have to suffer through. Uncle M fought hard, held out as long as he could & even the dr's said it was a miracle he was still alive.

i had a feeling he was holding out for Aunt O's birthday at the end of July, his "Bon-chee".

RIP Uncle M, we'll miss you!

don't you wish you had

an "opened the safe" dance? because i do!

finally, after working here over 9 weeks (wow, feels longer than that) but anyways, today was the first time i was able to open the safe! i was told how to do it probably in my 2nd week. B even told me a few extra details & shortcuts on how-to, but still couldn't do it. i've sat there at times for an hour putting the #s in over & over & just not getting it right.

but just a few minutes ago i DID!

co-worker was in another office so i went over there & hopped up & down shouting "i did it, i did it, i opened it", she coined the term "open the safe dance" so we'll just stick w/that.

M & C visit

M & C came to visit on sunday. not much to do around here & it's too dang hot to go outside, so our entertainment consisting of planning meals. sunday even B grilled up some shish kabobs & on monday he did korean ribs, which i love. (he needed to burn them a little more, but they were still good).

on monday, B & I did our regular work thing & Z went to school so M & C had the house to themselves so they could relax. i didn't take a lunch break so i could leave early & spend a little more time visiting M & C that evening. it was kind of funny, M & I chit chat so much through e-mail we didn't have a lot to catch up on...there was no "did i tell you about...?" or anything because yup, we did tell each other about it, probably w/in 24 hours of it happening!

on tuesday, B joined me at work so we could go home together for lunch. M & C waited around for us so we could visit just a tad more before they were on the next leg of their trip to go see a haunted house (can't wait to hear the details on that!).

Z loved having company, loved partaking in C's mac & cheese.

about earthquakes

after last week's quake i decided i needed to look up the history of my earthquake experience. i was born, raised & have spent my entire life in california; heck i think i've haven't been out of the state longer than 3 weeks any point in time.

that doesn't mean i'm a vegetarian though, i can't go longer than a few hours w/out some variant of meat consumption. when B & i went on our first date he was worried that beings i was a cali girl & thin, i must be a vegetarian & the 1st date almost didn't happen. 1st date was at a nice little italian place in del mar, i had a pasta dish w/shrimp & i liked him so much i gave him one...
a shrimp that is
get your mind outta the gutter!

back to the original topic of earthquake history....
growing up at the tail end of the san andreas fault earthquakes are something you just get used to (as much as one can get used to the idea that at any given moment the ground may start moving & there's isn't a dang thing you can do about except hold on & hope that it's over quick!)
so the one that made the most impact on me was in '79, it measured a 6.4 & centered in IV. there were a few other big ones in '87 that centered in the nearby superstition hills.

i remember spending the night at a friend's apt (2nd floor above grandma B's apt) & being awaken up by the movement. i woke up to walls swaying & creaking while all her grandma's trinkets crashed into each other. it was like waking up on an amusement park ride that you inadvertently fell asleep on & some dumb ass thought it would be funny to wake you up by starting the ride.

i also remember sleeping outside at nana's house in the summer; it was safer to sleep outside in case the gas pipes broke during a quake. it was kinda like camping in the front yard & all the neighbors were out there too, course none of us had any of them fancy tents. besides, it was better to sleep out in front because nana's backyard was roach haven (you do not even want to know the details).

earthquake weather always seemed to be in the summer & it would be oddly still, just like a calm before a storm. i guess that's mother nature's calling card.

i forgot

how AMAZING it is to have a flex friday when the boy is in school!!!!

here's how the day went:
took little one to school, ran into J & Mom at school & chatted a bit, bell rang.
signed Z up to meet w/school counselor, went to Z's class & participated for about an hour.
met Z's counselor & discussed issues, his immediate conclusion = Z's a manipulator (& i'm a sucker for a cute face (my summation, not his))
went home, washed car, cleaned garage out a bit, got 3 bags of clothing together for donation.
all that before noon!

i don't think i accomplished anything for the rest of the day, but i had a heck of a morning.

lost it #2

Z lost his 2nd tooth last night. now he has a gap on the bottom where his 1st 2 teeth that came in are the 1st 2 teeth to fall out.

the tooth fairy brought him $3 for his 1st tooth because we said the 1st one is special. so for the 2nd tooth he only got $1 & he was dissapointed.

after the way he behaved on friday he's lucky the tooth fairy didn't bring him an extra spanking in my opinion.

Z explosion

although it was a working friday, it was a rather easy week & day. Z went to his buddy's (J) house for the day so when i got off work i went home changed into shorts, asked B to look up movie times, then headed over to pick up the little one.

when i got there he didn't say hello or acknowledge my arrival in any way. when J's mom tried to talk to him he ignored her. when J tried to talk to him he responded w/"none of your business". i told him he needed to apologize to buddy not realizing the tantrum under surface just waiting for the right moment.

i told him a few times we needed to get going & kinda delayed it a bit by talking w/J's mom. then finally when i said it really was time to go he completely exploded. yelling at me that it was all my fault, that he hated me, that didn't love me, that i was mean, that he wasn't my friend. the only thing that was missing were the flying fists.

i was horrified, every single cell of my body was embarrassed. if there was some way i could have crawled inside myself & disappeared, i needed it to happen at that point. i knew he was so out of control the last thing he needed was me to yell at him, so i some how managed to talk to him in a soft voice & tried to get him to calm down.

meanwhile i had J, his mom & little sister on the opposite side of the room watching everything unfold, i couldn't even look at them when i turned around nor did i want to see the look on their faces. when we left J's mom made sure to tell me he had behaved very well the entire day.

on the 3 block drive home Z continued to argue so by the time we arrived he worked up 25 min in timeout (we dole out in 5 min increments). after that B sat down & talked w/him & finally Z apologized; it was weak & forced.
i told B i didn't understand his lack of remorse.