the decline begins

on the 7th nana had a dr appt, i didn't go bc my mom came over.

2 things came of the appt - dr put nana on morphine (i'm not sure if that's good or bad, it was mainly to ease her stomach pain, but morphine's some scary shit) & bc there hadn't been changes in her health instead of 4 weeks her next appt was 6 weeks (win!).

i don't remember what happened, but i didn't see nana until monday & she was a MESS. (oh, i had received a call from the facility over the weekend letting me know they had reduced the morphine pills 2/day to 1.) she laid in bed in agonizing pain, it hurt to see her like that. she was so out of it, not drugged, just could not see beyond the pain to see me or acknowledge anything.

i put her flowers on the windowsill like i normally do so they could get some sun & gave them some water from a cup. i didn't realize it until i had already emptied the cup that it was vomit. i was already teary & queasy, seeing that didn't help. a lady from the church came in to see nana's roomie, when she saw me she asked if i wanted her to pray for nana & i said yes.

i talked with the nurses & my uncle & everyone said it was the medication transition, but it seemed like much more to me, but what do i know....

i've been back to see her, more than usual, she's improved some, but nowhere near where she was before the appt. i don't know if it's the morphine or if the tumor has become active.

it's taken some arm twisting but my uncle is finally on-board with getting hospice involved. i'd hoped beings he contact the dr's office to inquire about the hospice he'd let them know about nana's declining health but he didn't. i don't know what he's waiting for, but i know i'm always half-sprung & looking for something to obsess over. this is most definitely it.

well, the job thing too, but i'm not getting into that now. that's another corner of this blog & my brain....

we're almost to the year on my dad's passing, the timing has me worried.