Friday, May 27, 2011

thanks, that's just what i needed

my mom came over to visit Z before our big 9th birthday trip to chicago. we went down to pick the boy up from school & i was updating her on Z's add/adhd eval & the red folder eval (academic, behavioral, psychological via the school).

not that expected praise or anything, i was just trying to keep her involved, aware. i should have known that my mother would take the opportunity to kick me in the gut when i'm weak though. just coming to terms with actually going through with the evaluations has been hard enough on it's own, acknowledging that yeah, something's not right, we need help, was devastating.

she blames our parenting on all of it.
we are overly strict, we do not give him options, we are keeping him immature.

my first response was "really, do you want to talk about this here & now?" we were at Z's school, in the middle of a group of other parents all waiting for a swarm of kids to come out within minutes.

she's gone on & on about how Z's holding on to "old hurt" for years she finally explained that when Z was 3yo & we came to visit B yelled at him for changing the tv channel. wow, who's really hanging on to that one? not Z i tell you.

she has no idea what it takes to raise the boy, how much effort to keep the fence in check bc he's always right there making sure it's being enforced. did B over-react, sounds like it, but i can also say she doesn't know how many times he's been told things repeatedly or what about the simple fact that his behavior should be better when he's at someone else's house?

i went on to tell her no one's born a perfect parent & we were entitled to our own mistakes, he is our child. he's immature bc that's how he is, it's not a result of poor parenting.
uh, she cut like a knife & i was beyond pissed.
thank you once again mom, for being such a supportive parent, maybe you should heed a few of the lessons you're so willing to dole out!

we went home & the discussion was over, of course, she wouldn't dare say such things in front of B. i barely spoke with her, her departure couldn't happen quick enough for me. she did apologize say she didn't mean to hurt my feelings.
how do you attack someone like that & not?


  1. she's wrong. you know she's wrong. i'm sure it still hurts not having her be more supportive of you and the steps you are taking. she doesn't have a clue. she parented ONE child who when she turned the same age as Z officially became older than her. :-)

    it's always easiest for people on the outside to take the briefest look into other's lives and know exactly what is wrong and how to fix it. that kind of judgement is part of what makes parenting so difficult. most of us are doing the best that we can. you are involved, loving, attentive, supportive, strong parents. i hope you see that.

  2. i was completely dumbfounded by her response, i should have known better...that she sees things from a completely different (read 'skewed') perspective.


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