people are stupid

so i've spent the past few weeks figuring out how to be an active landlord now that ghetto house is about to be vacant. did you know there's all kinds of tenant protective laws but there isn't shit for the landlord...what can i ask, what can't i ask, can i get a credit report, how do we transfer information beings we're 200 miles away?

we didn't do anything with the moving out tenant, he'd been our neighbor for a year & we knew he was a bank manager, so we handed him the keys, signed a 2 year lease & hoped for the best. all but that 2 year thing worked out, which is funny as he actually wanted a 3 year lease.

i listed the house in the local freebie sheet & we got quite a few phone calls, some good some please lose my number. one woman sounded really promising, her & her teenage son moved to town bc of his special education needs while the husband lived wherever to run their own business. i sent the rental application to them & in response received "will provide confidential information at the appropriate time" & an application that was pretty much useless.

um, i don't get it, the point of an application is the applicant provides information, the originator verifies the information, seems simple right? so i sent them an email back & said i couldn't begin the verification process bc hello there's nothing to verify dumbass!!! they needed to complete the application. i also asked for husband's pay stubs/a w-2/accountant/bookkeeper/tax preparer's number/something/anything to verify their only source of income. i told them they didn't need to supply bank account/credit card/loan numbers, just names, balances & monthly payment & if all went well, after verifying a credit report we would need their DL & SS #s, this is all normal stuff.

i didn't hear back from them. i got a headache from this. what do people expect, i'm handing over keys to a house that we completely renovated!

the only other person that's shown quite an interest in the house is section 8 with 5 kids & a big f-ing dog. she's my stalker. i should have stopped her when i got the first call & she asked if the house was section 8, but i was so surprised & wasn't sure about legalities of it i didn't want to just say "no i don't want you & your 5 screaming kids & your big ole dog in my little, clean house!" so when she gave me the number to call & get info on section 8, i did just that.

i left a vm, they didn't call back. section 8 stalker did though. so i called section 8 again & talked with someone. i had to listen to a 15 min spiel about the glories of providing low-income housing options. yeah, that's not what i'm here for, i'm here to get someone else to pay my mortgage on a house i can't afford to sell, call me selfish if it makes you feel better....

i did find out the house has to go through a somewhat lengthy inspection process - SCORE! (to make sure you're not a slumlord, all about protecting the tenant i tell you!), but she also told me we don't have to rent to anyone we don't want to; that ultimately we decide who lives in our house (cue angels singing!). she also told me if you have a section 8 tenant & they can fall off the program yet still be on your lease - wtf? can you imagine the battle getting those people out of your house?

section 8 stalker of course called again & argued with me about the process; no, first we sign a lease THEN you have the house inspected. she also asked me about the credit report, why do i need one bc she doesn't have any evictions or anything like that. so i explained i needed to see payment history etc. & that's when she asks me if payday loan places count as credit history....honey, you & i ain't signing no lease for nuffin!