new year’s tradition

i've always considered new year's a time to welcome the new year by slapping down a few drinks, but this year i was introduced to a tradition that i thought was worthy of sharing.

ok, here's the easy part, think back about the past year, remember all the good things that happened. all the fun, all the laughter, all the smiles shared with family/friends/loved ones - now be thankful for those times.

now it gets a little harder, remember all the tough times that happened over the past year. think about the pain & suffering that your shared with family/friends/loved ones (or internalized). now for the really hard part - be thankful for those times too. be thankful because we survived those times. our scars, whether on skin or emotional, prove our strength.

i can easily say 2007 was the toughest year of my life & can also easily say that i have loved ones who suffered more than i did, but we made it.

thank you for being there for me when i needed someone, thanks for being my friend.

Happy New Year! Welcome 2008!

now...where's my drink????

confessions of a hormone junkie

so my md took me off my depo shot & put me on a 3 week on 1 week of form of b/c. because I hate my period so much she said I could use 3 back to back (9 weeks of hormones, 1 week off). So I did that, but then they wanted me to quit cold turkey. But the first week would have been when we went to Chicago & that wasn't going to happen. I was not going to drive to the airport, fly to Chicago, spend a week with the in-laws, fly back, drive home from the airport sans hormones & be on my period – that was just not going to happen. Trust me, everyone is happier, the city of Chicago, the people on the plane, B's family, I'm looking out for everyone's best interest here, I'm so not being selfish.

I've been off all lab produced hormones for about 2 weeks now & I'm going crazy. The ones my body produces just aren't enough. The other night I dreamt B & I were living at my mom's & he was about to get in the shower but for some reason he was standing there talking to me in all his nakedness. Then I hear my mom coming home & I start freaking out & I'm telling him he's got to hurry up & get in the shower, but he doesn't understand what the big deal is. So I'm frantic now & tell him my mom can't know that I've seen my husband naked.

Yesterday I had another migraine – are you counting? That makes 4 in about a 9 week timeframe. Yup has everything to do with hormonal fluctuations because previous to the past 6 months, I MAYBE had 1 a year, if that. When I woke up, all I wanted was some salt, don't know why, but that was it. The best thing I could think of was cheap-ass nachos, like you get at the movies. The paper thin corn chips that have more salt than chip & fake orange cheese, sounded just great. (as a side note, the only other time I've craved such a thing I was pregnant, & if that's the case, it's the md's fault & she must pay for such a heinous crime.) well, we didn't have any of that, so I settled for lemon with about a tablespoon of salt on it. When I was done with that, I still wanted more salt, yeah, popcorn baby. I'm not sure what the deal is with wanting movie-type food but I wanted the lab created ooze "all you can eat butter" & super salty stale movie theater type popcorn. We did have some popcorn, but it was the healthy crap, dry & certainly not enough salt on it. I was ok for about an hour, than I started not feeling good again. I needed Z to stop moving, then stop talking, then stop making sounds.

I realized I was being cranky so I went back to bed & had one of the most craziest dreams ever (so take a few bong hits before reading below).

B was a shark (don't ask me to explain, because I don't get it either) but he was a shark ok & he was a naughty bad boy shark. I don't know what I was, I wasn't human though, I was some sort of sea creature & I wanted that naughty shark. So I managed to get his attn with my wily girly sea creature ways then I woke up & realized I was holding my breath (because we were getting shark/sea creature freaky underwater – duh), then once I woke up a little more I realized my shoulders & arms were sore & achy (from all the swimming).

No straight person has dreams like that!

a few things about work

friday night was our Christmas dinner. wasn't bad, steak dinner, a few drinks, then the bar scene that later i wasn't able to determine if was real or a dream. i have very vivid dreams so that's not totally unusal, the bar scene was unusal though & i woke up all night long asking myself "did that really happen?" at the bar was a man dressed as a woman, not that strange (or maybe for these parts) but anyways, i now know that this man doesn't have testicles & that's all i'm gonna say about that.

i know Christmas isn't about the gifts & whatever gifts you get you should appreciate & it's the thought that counts not the item itself, but i have to share this one. the gift from my boss was..."that was easy"...can you guess, yes, it was a staple's easy button. the sad part is he thought it was a legitimate gift, not a gag gift. if it was a joke, i would appreciate it for that, but the fact that he thinks he did a really good thing, that he took the time to wrap it & make a big deal about presenting it to me, is just wrong.

Z's play

Z's play was cute, something about a penquin, but completely incoherent. he did the intro & did it well. surprising because it was someone else's part but they were absent, so he only practiced it that morning. his presentation was cute, he'd say a few words, then look over to the left at us & smile, then say a few more words...pause, look to the left, smile...then started to walk away, then walked back..."enjoy the play", look to the left & smile one more time...

this was unexpected so i only got a couple of pics & wasn't able to get the camera in video mode. the play went on & i knew his part was towards the end, so i waited to start recording. once i started recording the play seems to drag on & on & i'm about to stop recording when Z finally walks up to the mic to say his part & just then the camera says "memory card full"...damn the luck!

how many toes does a fish have? is part of the song they sang & he mumbles occasionally

why i’m so pissy today

no the damn portrait did not get taken last night....

i went to get my haircut after work & was hoping the new 'do would make the portrait happening all that much better (being fully unaware that i would arrive home in tears). she's cut my hair before, was completely aware that i'm growing it out, i told her to cut off the bottom 1/2 inch to even out with the top layer, like a bob but not completely even like an egyptian, some texturing was ok.

i take off my glasses & let her cut, then i notice (although it's blurry) that she's cutting like a good inch or more off that top layer, but what can i do because it's not the 1st cut she's made so all i can do is sit in the chair as my stomach turns & wonder what the heck i'm going to end up with knowing whatever it is, it's not what i want, it's not what i asked for.

when she finishes & i put my glasses on i see layers, yup a whole lot of fricken LAYERS - she cut off about 2 years worth of growth. then she says it's a little shorter than you wanted but i think this is going to work really well for your hair. i didn't ask for something that works well for my stupid hair, nothing works well for it, i asked for a bob, everyone knows what a bob is, it has NO LAYERS!

i would have been better off putting a bowl on my head & letting B have a go at it - or Z for that matter! so the hair that was almost to my neck is now about 2 inches long, thanks...

i felt dumb for crying because i knew there was nothing i could do (or she could for that matter) that would change it, but i was so disappointed & mad. i know it's just hair, it will grow back, no one's hurt or anything like that, i guess if this is the only thing to cry about my life is good.

i'm still pissed though & i'm not getting my hair cut for the next 5 years! so when it looks like straw you know why....

made some goo

the Sunday afternoon baking extravaganza rounded out with the following: oatmeal cookies with peanut butter/chocolate chips & walnuts, almond crescents, traditional Christmas sugar cookies, lemon bars, rugalach & some goo.

i can't call it by it's name for 2 reasons, most importantly i can't remember the name, but also (as B who was so quickly to point out) it didn't turn out right, so i don't have the liberty to call it by it's rightful name, so it shall be referred to as "goo".

the "goo" was a simple recipe on the sweetened condensed milk label: crushed graham cracker & butter for a crust, then pour the condensed milk, layer coconut, chocolate chips, nuts, bake until brown - simple enough right? well, i still managed to screw it up...betty crocker i am not

my crust didn't set, i didn't have bars, i had goo - but it is unquestionably the MOST AWESOME GOO EVER! B was quick to rain on my parade, "wonder why it didn't set, maybe you used too much of the condensed milk" you know, it's a REALLY rare occasion that I follow a recipe (i consider them more of a guideline), but seriously how could you screw up above?

anyways, so when i made the platters to share for work folk, the goo ended up just being shoveled w/a spoon & left to its own devices, it didn't look pretty but so what. last night while we prepped dinner B & i had a few spoonfuls of goo (yeah he talks shit, but still eats the goo) then Z says "save some for me" & i tell him "i'll try baby, it's only an 11x13 pan, but i'll try".

one of my favorite things to do:

get drunk & go shopping:

http://www.dooce.com/archives/daily/12_04_2001.html

just don't want to..

I just don't want to do anything, don't want to go anywhere. I'm not sad or anything I just don't want to do anything.

Last night we were supposed to take our Christmas portraits in front of the tree. Well, let me correct that, we were supposed to do it all last week once we got the tree up & it never happened, then we were supposed to do it over the weekend, that didn't happen either, so we were supposed to do it last night, but I still didn't want to, so it still hasn't happened – nor am I upset about it….

At about 6:00 I convinced Z to play a game of "pretend to take a nap" sounds like fun huh? I curled up in bed & he organized the blankets on top of me, then he organized them again, then a little more, maybe it was five times, hopping around like a little bunny on crack…finally he settled down & he talks & talks & talks some more. The child has more energy at any given time than I ever have had in my entire life. I think we should change his middle name to Nuclear…hmm…Nuclear Reactor…Nuclear Energy…I'll have to discuss with B….

The "pretend to take a nap" game ended up being just a tease with the energetic kid so I got up & put on my jammies, yeah at 6:30, no portraits happening again.

Then Z asked what was I going to do, because I always have a list of crap I gotta do. But I didn't want to do anything so I said I was going to "turn into a pile of goo" & he questioned "your going to play with a pile of poo?" – that made me lol.

This morning was kinda gloomy, got my hopes up that it might rain. Dark, gloomy heavy rain for days would be awesome. I love the rain. I even opened up the blinds at the office, welcoming the dark clouds "come over HERE!!!" The blinds are usually closed to block out the fire balls the sun shoots out in the summer or the frozen air (not enough moisture in the air for snow) in the winter. But the clouds aren't coming this way, they're dissipating & the darned sun is coming out.

Thank goodness I don't have anything to do here at work really. If someone told me I had some work to do I would probably tell them to kiss my ass, I'm done for the year.