Monday, October 25, 2010

how's your nana?

mine is well, well, i mean, you know, for having stage 4 cancer....she's great actually!
she still has no clue, other than occasional indigestion that she's sick. her belly has gotten bigger, swollen some, other than that all good.

we went to a dr appt 2 weeks ago with the cancer peoples [moore's cancer center], they're so nice. my uncle (B) went this time, which is good bc apparently he didn't believe a dang thing his daughter & i told him about the last meeting, so this meeting was basically a repeat of the last one. yah for wasting people's time who are trying to cure cancer patients!

Dr. F kinda said everything he said last time, then decided beings 2+ months passed to check where nana was at in the evolution of things. they sent her over to the lab for blood samples & scheduled her for an abdominal x-ray.

i planned, no really i did, plan on going with her to the x-ray downtown. i made sure i had gas, i set the alarm, had snacks & waters in a bag, all kinds of togetherness happening over here people!
except i set the alarm an HOUR late....
& it didn't click, at all, not in getting ready, not when i pulled out of the driveway, or on the freeway, or walking into the building, but when i walked down the hall
i think i screwed up...

yep, i did.
i went & asked the nurse's station & yeah, i was an hour late. i considered driving down there, but knew bc of the time & the light rain it would probably take 2 hours. i didn't even know exactly where to go so it would take some time to find her & even if i did by then it would be time to turn around & drive home.
gah, so i failed nana. i felt really bad about it, i know going out scares her & she doesn't understand 1/2 the shit people tell her [hearing not language issue].
but i did go see her later that day when she was back & she was fine. i think it may have even boosted her confidence a bit that she did do it all by herself.

ok, so back to ugly reality....
thursday is results day & i don't wanna go. i know enough about her timeline as far as i'm concerned, i don't need or want anymore details, my uncle wants to know though.
i will go to be there for her...
& to not afford my uncle the opportunity to misunderstand, misinterpret or down right lie about what the doc says.

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