that's not nice

i was putting Z to sleep & he was playing, joking & laughing then he said
Z - "i love you more than Poppa"
me - "that's not nice"
Z - "then i love Poppa more than you"
me - "that's not nice either!!!!"

updated [sorry but i had to, it was so stinkin cute]:
when i went to bed last night i found Z had left a flower on my nightstand; he can be quite the lil charmer!

work stuff

[yeah, i know i'm unemployed & i'm writing about work...whatever]

i still talk with a few people from my old job, the woman they hired to replace me...well, 6 months later girlfriend still doesn't know word or excel.
my old officemate got tired of helping her over & over & i finally let have it & made her cry. which had to be quite a role reversal for officemate, as she was the emotional one & not that she needed help, but she was used to lots of free time [ie, not being the output lead].

even better, i found out old boss from previous job had to hire another person to run the office; not as in a 2nd replacement as in 2 people to the job. i bet he still thinks he overpaid me...

so i had a dream, before i found out about the 2nd replacement, that 1st replacement quit & i had to go back to work for old boss. i don't remember the details...i just remember being there & telling old boss that i didn't want to be there, that's why i quit before, that i was miserable there.
his response was "well she left & you know the job so i don't have to train anyone new so you have to stay".

GEEZ, i was HAPPY when i woke up!

death by star wars

i don't think i've blogged about it but for xmas B's ma & pa gave us a wii. it's some dandy. wish we would have had it when we lived in hell the desert, would have made it much, MUCH more tolerable. i like playing the sports, tennis took some getting used to but it's good exercise. one day i got a lil carried away & whacked the wii box [it should have known to run] oopsie!

one feature i'm not exactly sure if i like or not is you can test your skills & keep track. i thought that was pretty neat, so although i hadn't really practiced much, i thought "bring it on". i did some tennis, hitting a baseball & bowling....& [get this] my age was 44.

wtf?
no, i repeat WTF wii?
[ok, maybe that's when i whacked it....whatever....i was alone so no one will ever no for sure now will they?]
anyways, that wasn't what i was supposed to talk about...

Z's favorite game is still lego star wars [remember?]& he's TOTALLY & COMPLETELY ready to join the legion of all those ridiculous neat star wars losers aficionados. [ahem]

it's still one of the first couple of phrases out of his mouth first thing in the morning & at bedtime; he even manages to fit them into dinner comments "i like this rice bc it reminds me of darth maul" [or whatever his name is, he's "bad scary dude" to me].

so B said something the other day about getting the movies beings Z has joined the star wars cult is so into it. first we went to walmart & they had 3 single movies [we were hoping to get a package] then we went to glorious target & they had the package of 3 so got that too.

at home we made dinner while Z got the first movie ready. i made sure to tell him not to open the other package of movies bc we were going to return them, then B said we weren't & i was confused. i didn't know that although we had 6 [count them, six] movies, they were all different, that there are 6 [s!i!x!] movies in the star wars story!!!

this is going to be torture.

bush whack phase II

um, there wasn't a post about phase i, deal with it, k?
phase i was me cleaning up the bushes along the back fence in an effort remove warm, comfy housing for the yard vermin. you remember them right?
so i cleaned up the bush bottoms, raked out all the leaves, B went on the other side of the fence & trimmed 4 years of growth...in some places our bushes were bigger on the wrong side of the fence!

we'd decided to leave the the bushes along the north fence as they were bc we were going to pull them out & plant some grass, that would give us an extra 2 feet or so of yard.

fast forward 6 months & them bushes are still there, still providing lots of breeding spots for said vermin. B's been totally busy with school, so i decided i could at least clean those bushes up a little bit, it would probably make it easier when we go to remove them right?

so i trim & rake, over & over & i'm finding all kinds of stuff in there. i found an old ball [that looked like it was from the 70s] & one of lady's orange-brown rope toys [ah her long lost friend]. then i stumbled across something that made me pause.

it was black & about 2-3 inches long. at first i thought it was a dead bird, but then i realized it was more fur-like than feather-like. at this point all sorts of obscenities are right at the tip of my tongue as i'm panicking & thinking it's dead rat/mouse/opossum creature.

then i figured out it was a piece of lady's baby.

note to self - from now on, lady's toys can only be bright-non-animal colored.

updated, i forgot to write about the part where i figured out why lady had a little pukage last week...i found leftover pieces of charcoal in the yard. one day last week B was going to grill, but the charcoal was wet & he left the lid off the grill, well girlfriend's been eating used charcoal to get the minute yet tasty drippings. anything to get people food...anything!

random Z

i'm not sure what the deal is, when i'm not at the computer i think of tons of thinks i need to write about & when i get on the computer i'm everywhere else but here. then when i finally get here i'm reading everyone else's stories, then i start messing with my layout. even when i post, i write something & it takes me a few days to get it typed out & presentable.

a few Z stories:
- the first time Z bathed with his slinged arm i wrapped it up in a big plastic [heavy dept store] bag & used a large twist tie to fasten it. a few days later when B was helping Z get ready for his bath & Z told him what i'd done, B said "sometimes your momma does things like a man"

- B made his own cast-cover-upper - it was a trash bag & scotch tape wound around Z's tiny arm in every conceivable direction at least 4 different times. [trust me it was fun getting it off while Z was telling me his arm was hurting bc it was on so tight.] although B's wrap up may have been more water-proof than mine, his was also cutting off Z's circulation, so this "woman's man way" is how we do it!

- the other day we were at Z's school & noticed the fire hydrant is now completely encircled by several large trashcans that are all chained together. a little late for the Z...wonder if they're going to pad all the playground flooring next?

- one night Z was in the tub, B & I were wrestling in the living room. [yeah, i totally wrestle a marine that's 2x my weight & 8 inches taller than me....bc i'm dumb like that!] evidently Z heard the grunting,snorting & laughing & knew exactly what was going on & in his sweet little voice he hollars out: "get him momma!!!!"

i get to saw, hammer, play with fire & i'm creating (not destroying)??

so superbowl isn't a big deal in this house [actually superbowl notates the day when we went house hunting & found this one, but that's not the story we're delving into today...] & without realizing it, i signed up for a wire-wrapping [say it correctly please, in elmer fuddish so it sounds like "why-uh wapp-ing", got it?] class for that sunday.

i didn't realize it was game day until the sat beforehand & was only disappointed that i was going to miss the day's commercials. the class was alright, it was mainly so i could get confirmation on what i had learned via books & online was being executed correctly.

i also signed up for a metalsmithing class & that was a whole new world. i didn't know how to put the blade on the jeweler's saw, then i managed to break 3[!!!] of them cutting out the copper tag [pic here]. so, i'm getting better at that part! the rest of class 1 i spent texturizing & detailing the tag.

in class 2 i got to play with fire & soldered the 2 pieces together. i also cut out a silver ring, texturized & soldered it. only problem is although i thought i made it a little big, it came out a little small & i've been working for days trying to stretch it out. [fyi, it's a b*tch & ring-making is not my friend]

my left palm, thumb & pointer finger are bruised & each holds it's own strategically placed blood blister to show the fruits of my labor [bc the ring's diameter has barely increased at all]. the amount of time i've spent attempting to stretch this ring, i probably could have cut out, texturized & soldered another 5 rings...& i'd be that much better at all those other things instead of having a beat up left hand.

oh well, it's my first ring & i'm gonna make it fit!!!
maybe...
we'll see what's on the schedule for my last class.

the trip

i hardly slept sat nite beings i was so filled with anxiety about what the impending days' events.

as anticipated, mom didn't say anything & surprisingly i was able to hold my tongue.

nana is doing well thankfully.
my oldest uncle has decided it's time to cut back on some of her care. my mom spoke with him yesterday while we were down there & she said he made a valid point - we don't really know what nana is capable of at this point bc the caregivers do everything for her.

what really saddened me though was how things were at nana's.
she was practically out of food; the freezer was almost bare, the fridge held milk & eggs but that was about it & they had only a couple of slices of bread. i went to walmart & got some basic supplies & a bunch of groceries.

i almost had a meltdown as the stuff was being rung up. it's so hard for me to understand that nana had 8 kids, a lot of grandkids & great-grandkids, but no one comes around to help or even to say hello.

my nana's caregiver was talking to my mom & she kept on saying how i was the only one that came by, that somehow i always showed up in there time of need, that i was such a good person for coming by & helping as much as i did.

i could see hesitation in my mother's face when she agreed with her.

this is going to be....fun...no, not fun, very, very, not fun

so things are better with my mom, she's even calling me now, still acting like nothing happened though. she actually called to ask me if i would like to go with her to visit nana.

i said yes...while my head went in a gazillion different directions about how weird that was going to be:
- what were we going to talk about?
- will she say something finally?
- will i say something?
- will i go totally #$*(&#*( batshitcrazy & then finish the trip in tears?

so it's going to be AWKWARD^{[to the power of infinity]}

i have to let my mother run the show & only then will my presence be accepted. if i say anything or try to question her i will be met with silence, this i know. but will i be able to hold my tongue, is something i'm unsure of.

the thanksgiving blowout 2009 was just the tip of the iceberg as far as my mother's MIS-perceptions me, my life & my family. her distortions actually go back awhile & unfortunately she has chosen to believe her interpretations rather than talk to me about them.

she chose the martyr path & i'm the bad person [although i didn't know a situation existed].

i wish my mother would just *^*&$ GROW UP ALREADY, I'M REALLY ^&*%$$ TIRED OF BEING THE ADULT IN THE RELATIONSHIP!!!