if i had a plan...

holiday break

2012-01-03T21:38:00.000-08:00

so i'm new working in a school environment thing, so i didn't know i was going to get the week between christmas & new year off. when i figured it out, we tried to plan to go somewhere but it was too late, too expensive to reserve anything during that time.

B & Z went up to ghetto house for a couple of days when i was still working. well, not the house itself, but up to visit R. during the week off Z & I were sick with a cold; we tried taking it easy thinking that would nip it in the bud. Z did eventually get better, i didn't. i also didn't make it to the budz annual christmas party, which was such a bummer.

for new years we went to our neighbor's condo in oceanside. i really, (ok, REALLY) was thinking of backing out, but decided i needed to quite being such a stick in the mud & do SOMETHING. i was glad i went, that we went. we went to the condo's game room & not that there was much, but there was a foozeball table (i'm the worst foozeball player in the world, weakest wrists ever!) & a pool table (yeah, i suck at that too).

Z had a good time playing foozeball though as he was better than me & you know that's all that matters. pool was really fun though, i probably haven't played (more than a game or two at least) since B & I met. however, i used to play often with the guys from work & some other friends. funny thing is B also used to play quite a bit before we met as well. Z hadn't played & he got in a few good shots & at one point B said i broke a few laws of physics when i got 2 balls in with 1 shot. i think i broke more than that....

so now we need a full size pool table ;-p

when we came home S was here waiting for us; we stayed up & rang in the west coast new year. i don't remember what we did the rest of the weekend. oh, i know at some point we worked in the yard & we built L-dog a fab house.

i need to blog more, i can't remember shit.

christmas 2011

2011-12-28T21:20:00.000-08:00

well, let's just get it out in the open - Z got a card & that's all we heard from her.

we had a nice christmas though. for days before Z would get up & ask "is it christmas today?" the night before we let him open one present - the wooden marble run, he played with it for hours. on the morning of, when i finally could tell the boy yes, his response was ok, then he went to use the bathroom.

he opened his presents & he was so happy he received so many of the items he'd asked for. no, he didn't write a letter to santa, but he did write a list (with prices) from a toys r us ad. he got the zombie lab that makes gross candy things, the pogo stick (which is quite fun & even more difficult), a rock growing kit, a game with hand racquets where you catch & throw a ball & i don't remember the rest.

we spent the day playing his games & trying out the pogo stick (& more importantly not going through the sliding glass door). then in the evening we were about to head over to neighbor J's when the meltdown happened.

it may be from all the recent talk, but it came out - this was the worst christmas ever. yeh....bc he only got 7 presents was his argument.
& bc we're horrible parents we offered to return 1 of his presents & buy him a bunch of little cars instead. then he went on to ask how much money was spent on the presents. like that really matters, but at this point in time, to him, it did.
so in addition to the presents we explained to him that we also just got his glasses (yeah, the boy got his first pair of specs) & when he was told how much $ was spent on those he seemed happy.

next year he will get a sack filled with many pieces of coal.

so once enough christmas tears were shed, we finally went to visit some friends. there were a gang of kids & they had a good time running & playing. i hope the boy remembers that part of christmas. we had fun visiting with other adults.

the work

2011-12-14T20:41:00.000-08:00

do you have any idea how great it's been to not be looking for a job?to not search all the job boards & stalk all the company websites & more importantly not live on shoestring budget?
granted i'm not making much, but it is an income & it's great to have one again.

so the other day, out of the blue, one of my co-workers asks me if i'd like to come work at her husband's office.
run the place.
twice the pay.
seriously.
gah...
oh, one more thing, fridays off, yeah 4 day work week!

where was this job last year?

i thought about it, went back & forth, talked with B about it...but i think i'm happy where i'm at, for now at least. i need training wheels, after 2 years of not working i've really lost my touch. plus i don't have a commute & my boss doesn't think anything of it if when i'm 10 minutes late [mainly bc he's like 15 minutes late, although occasionally he's early].

probably though, the biggest thing is that my boss isn't an ass.it's funny, a few people have said a few things about him, but honestly after working for old boss, this guy is easy.

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-26T21:41:00.000-08:00

no, my mom & i are still not speaking.....just thought i should clear that up. i went back & forth, part of me felt i should call her, but last time that didn't really solve the problem [obviously bc she's doing it again] so i decided, that i will let her call.
she started the game, she can end it.
i know bad.

she sent Z a card for halloween & another one for thanksgiving. so i know she didn't have any plans of coming over. funny thing is, all this time i haven't been missing her, i've actually been thinking about how she failed me as a parent. how i was robbed of being a child & forced to be an adult bc she didn't know what to do with me. how she annihilated my sense of self worth & would put me down.
um, that's not where i was going with this so let's move on please....

lalala, so yes, thanksgiving was not what we had expected. B's family plans got thrown out the window & i'm not even going to get into that one....at one point we were seriously considering going back to the desert for the holiday to spend with B's bff R & the family of redheads who were also kind & considerate enough to invite us over as well.

thank you lord, we have friends, bc the family stuff ain't working.

B's bff R, girlfriend & momma came to town bringing desserts. we prepped turkey, stuffing & spinach dip, then all of us headed over to the neighbors who prepared side dishes. guess what? you know why she didn't have family over? bc she's having family issues too! we all had our little part which ended up a feast & nobody was overwhelmed, it was a really good feeling.

this year's thanksgiving was all about friends, the people who hang out with you bc they like you not bc they have to.

turkey nightmares

2011-11-18T21:11:00.000-08:00

so i'm getting into my groove at work [translates to i'm discovering my mistakes], so that's good, i guess. funny that boss doesn't say anything to me though, just lets me mess things up. oh well, i actually learn best that way & possibly, what's really scary, is that he knows that.

now that i'm a real employee, i'm on probation.....for a year....so much for feeling all comfy.
i already had to turn in my first self evaluation. it was fun.
when boss sent it over to me he actually told me "don't be too hard on yourself".
SEE? he knows me, i don't need anyone to tell me what a f-up i am....my mother taught me well dammit!

so far the hardest thing for me to do was thanksgiving. really, one wouldn't think so, but for me, it was. first i had to figure out where to get the turkeys from & that's actually more difficult than i expected. we don't have ovens, so i needed a hot, cooked turkey & really, not an easy task....well, factor in that it needs to be cheap too & that we were feeding between 40-50 people.

i finally found a place, but then i had to wait for boss to tell me it was ok to order & i needed $$ to pay for it & that was the part that was killing me. yes, i know he was busy with important things, but dang, i honestly was having nightmares about the thankgiving potluck & no flipping turkey & my ass was fired. part of that was bc in prep for the potluck i don't know how many of the guys told me "that's not how blahblah predecessor did it" so in the end i would just tell them i wasn't her.....

we got turkeys ordered & i felt the weight lifted from my shoulders, it was great.

then i realized i had to decorate, which is so not my forte.
i went out to the room, pulled out the previous years decorations & ended up with a headache. i went back to the office & pitifully asked a coworker to help me & she was awesome! she moved the tables around so people could sit across from each other & put tablecloths up so they looked like drapes & all kinds of cute little things. every once in awhile she would ask me "what do you think about this?" & i was at a loss.....yeah, i failed decorating in chick school.

the potluck went well, i could hardly eat though. afterwards we cleaned it all up & i was so relieved it was all over.....then later i realized christmas is next.....let the ham nightmares begin.

house of good news

2011-11-16T21:58:00.000-08:00

[part of that is bc we just aren't going to talk about the bad, stupid stuff]

today we got Z's report card, which is also 1st parent teacher conference of the year. i met his teacher at the beginning of the year for back to school night & B's been in to speak with her to check up on the boy, but other than that we haven't had much interaction.

overall on his report card, she said Z was a very bright child, for math he performs at grade level & could probably do better if he chose to. his reading & language wasn't quite as strong, but she said it wasn't anything to really be concerned about, that boys seem to have more trouble writing & reading. then for for life skills, he got all 'S's [satisfactory] with only 'N's [needs improvement] in observes classroom rules & demonstrates self control.

which, you know, could be SO much worse....

she also let us know she read some of his reports from last year, but she thinks he's grown up & is learning how to behave more appropriately.

i think this year's teacher is a much better fit for Z.
& now, we know what other parents feel like, this is how it's supposed to be.

good job kiddo!

it happened....what we've all been waiting for

2011-11-02T14:47:00.000-07:00

FINALLY OMG!!!!!

so whenever, i'm talking every.single.time.my.[cell].phone.rings.at.work, there's a little panic in my heart that it's my bff peggy [Z's vp] calling not to share her new fab recipe, but to tell me Z's in trouble. again.

but it happened.
the day of redemption.
she called.
my phone rang.
my heart skipped a bit.

& by now, i'm pretty sure girlfriend knows i know what's about to be said, so she starts out with "Z's ok, he's not hurt, but i would like to talk to about something that happened today".

gulp.
[actually is more of - now wtf? but whatever....]

the boys were playing a game during recess which involved kicking a ball, but you know how things get out of hand [& here's where Z kicks some kid's a** - usually].

but IT DIDN'T.

Z used his words.
& he didn't kick, punch or bite anyone either!
[remember ~~prison~~ playground brawl '09]
nor did he piss on any walls.
[at least not that we're aware of]

so, the kicking got out of control & a gaggle of boys got to visit bff peggy. Z was the only one that didn't get in trouble; he blocked kicks to defend himself & did not kick anyone back.

peggy called to let us know how proud she was of Z; that he was growing up & making better choices & she wanted us to be aware of it.

yes, you read that right.
9 years, 5 months, 3 days is all it took.

time for costumes

2011-11-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

i thought it was pretty funny that i was dressing up for halloween to go to work yet Z couldn't dress up to go to school....school's way too uptight nowadays....

Z ended up picking out a blade costume, although he called it an inspector or something like that & i was a sailor girl. at the end of the day i was wiped, pantyhose really wear a girl out....

at home B & I were just putting up our halloween decorations when we got our first trick or treaters. once it starting getting dark we headed over to J's so Z could trick or treat with a gang of kiddos, always much more fun, especially beings mommy got a drink to take along thanks to J.

we went up & down the neighborhood blocks, it was surprising how many houses didn't participate this year, lots of darkness. the kiddos had a good time though, so that's all that mattered....oh & momma getting her drink on.

when we got home we got very few trick or treaters as well, surprisingly no giant teenagers this year. although after we closed up shop for the night we did get someone at the door at like 9pm, which was a bit weird. lights out buddy, you missed it!

halloween paybacks

2011-10-29T20:43:00.000-07:00

for weeks Z & I went back & forth on costumes. i took him to the party store, we looked at walmart & target, then finally to the halloween shop.

he wanted bloody scream & i said no; too gruesome & he wore a mask last year, i wanted to see his face. we finally agreed on a swat-team grey camo costume with a muscled chest & a helmet with glasses. at home he put it on & decided he didn't want it.

then....on friday when i went to pick him up the school parking lot was packed. i was a bit confused until i realized it was the school halloween "carnival". so i ask him if he wants to go, of course, so then does that mean he will wear the swat costume? bc if he does, that means it's his for halloween. yes and no were his answers.....

he decided to wear his costume from last year; it was a black robe with blue material on the front & a mask from a star wars character (blue with little horns around the head). i was fine with that & we all went back to school.

& everyone one we saw Z had to tell them that he was wearing last year's costume.....thanks kiddo.

down to the valley

2011-10-26T21:59:00.000-07:00

weekend before last i went down to the valley, a surprise trip to celebrate S's birthday. well, it was for her grandma; M & I surprised her though.

when i got to town i went by nana's house; i had to see it. there was an rv in the driveway with a for sale sign on it & they installed a handrail along the front porch steps, then i went back to the alley. i needed to see the backyard too, even though i knew it was going to hurt. the shed that was just outside the back door was gone. the big chair that used to be in her living room was out on the patio. i think the hardest part was looking at her trees; knowing i couldn't go walk in that yard anymore.

the fig tree i used to climb. the trunk still has the marks from where i used an axe to cut steps in it. yeah, so my dog could climb the tree, duh....never mind that it was ok for a little girl to play with an axe unsupervised.

i left there & went to visit cousin C. little C didn't like me at first, he thought i was a teacher coming to work with him. cousin C & i caught up on family drama & little C warmed up to me. for the first time i saw the scar on his tummy from the operation he had when he was a baby. before i knew it he was putting his feet & hands on me so i could rub on him. must be a guy thing, i am here, rub me.

i got to town late so i didn't get to spend as much time visiting the C's as i would have liked before it was time for me to head over to surprise S. it was fun to talk, hang out & catch up, we've all been so busy with things; even FB check ins have been sparse, so in person was really over due.

even though i didn't take Z with me, one of S's cousins managed to end up calling me mom, here i thought i would get the night off. mid-October the middle of the day was still 100, so we were all wiped pretty early & headed off to M's hotel room to soak up some a/c.

the next morning we got up just in time to have hotel breakfast, then shortly we went on our separate ways. when i got home the boys had enjoyed their time alone.

finally

2011-10-23T22:33:00.000-07:00

i'm back, i know, it's been way too long...

work was kicking my butt, i was completely exhausted all the time, plenty of nights i was going to bed at 8:30. then the laptop up & died, without a cursory blue screen of death....i got vertical lines of color & the screen went out. luckily, i was able to get all my bookmarks & thankfully i didn't keep anything on there before it was gone.

Z's been busy with school. i almost am afraid to say it, but my bff hasn't called lately. although Z did get a red card the other (which really, who cares if bff doesn't call, i'm good). he started guitar lessons a few weeks ago; he goes back & forth between liking it & not....because he actually has to practice. he's also still doing the cub scout thing, but along the same lines, he's not all that into it other than going to the meetings, he's not down with extra effort. reports cards are coming out soon, i don't think anyone around here is looking forward to that.

B's also been busy doing his nursing thing. thankfully his class load isn't too heavy, but he's about to start his clinicals soon, so that will be interesting. they actually went to check things out last week & the entire class got stuck in the parking lot elevator....for an hour. glad i wasn't there, i would most surely have to pee or something.

i think i've gotten into the swing of things with working. one day i forgot to put on anti-antiperspirant...while it was still very summer. another day i forgot to brush my teeth. seriously! how could i, clean teeth freak forget i really don't know! what's worse, i couldn't come home at lunch to brush them. so i used wet paper towels to rub them a little, chewed several pieces of gum & popped breath mints, often & managed to survive the day.

my mom still isn't talking to me.

i miss nana like crazy still, her birthday back in september was a rough day.

what happened at school

2011-09-15T21:36:00.000-07:00

i thought Z had matured over the summer, maybe i was wrong. he did well at the summer play place we sent him to, granted it wasn't all day but still. i thought the new teacher was a good fit, not that i've changed my mind, it's just another piece in the puzzle.

my bff called tues; i told her Z had grown up, how we liked his new teacher & that we hoped this year would be much better than last. she was calling to check in, she had sent a message home for us to have a meeting to re-assess everything after last year's review, but i hadn't received the notice. based on my words she decided to wait a few weeks to set up the meeting.

on weds i missed her call. i also missed B's 2 calls, i didn't have a clue what was up until i got home.

Z had gotten in trouble.
someone had told him to hit another kid.
so he did.
a girl.
then he asked her if she was ok, she said yes.
then he asked her if she wanted to tell a supervisor, she said no.

then later she did & Z went to the office.

so 3 weeks into the school year & he's used up his one chance.
he was given "school suspension" where he went to a different classroom for the day.

i need a suspended tag

2011-09-14T21:43:00.001-07:00

that's all i'm gonna say about that

the interview

2011-09-13T19:24:00.000-07:00

my job listing did come up, i applied & later received a notice from HR that my salary requirements exceeded the position. they provided a range & said if i didn't reply accepting it, i would be dropped from the pool. i contacted F that night & asked if this was negotiable. i had put a salary higher than what i was currently making bc i thought it was standard practice to negotiate during the interview process, in addition i'm not taking their medical benefits which are a large portion of their package.

F did speak with me the following am & explained his hands were tied by HR, but there were other things he could do. that was good enough for me so i replied to the message.

F & i interviewed the other day & even though i know him, i was still nervous & uncomfortable. the HR guy was part of the interview process as well & he had 3 pages of questions. F asked him if we really had to do all that? if we had to ask all the questions? there were moments that were easy, but there was a question i choked on & F had to lead me to an answer.

as far as i know he didn't interview anyone else for the job (a benefit of calendar management) & i forgot to ask when they would be making a decision (mainly bc i did so poorly on the interview).

i don't know why i was so nervous, but i was & i was so mad at myself later i ended up with a headache.

good thing my boss likes me!

4th grade!

2011-08-24T21:25:00.000-07:00

Z started 4th grade today, he was happy & anxious to go back to school. even though last year was a rough one, he was looking forward to going back [& boy were we thankful we didn't have that battle as well!].

we had a good summer although we didn't do a whole lot & we didn't really go anywhere. after the year end he didn't go to the same summer camp so we found another place for him to go which he ended up liking much better. they had different programs where he could do art, play indoor games, outside time or computer time. all around it seemed a good fit for him & we didn't receive one call or notification about improper behavior. it was grand let me tell you!

Z's new teacher was moved down from 5th grade. she's tough, but caring & is all about teaching the kids about being responsible for themselves. in the first couple of days he came home & was making an effort to no longer say "yah" but "yes". at back to school night she told me Z had a little melt down the first day of school, but he was able to pull it together. i told her he had specifically been placed in her class, which she wasn't aware of. i also told Z said he already felt like this year was going to be much better than last year & he liked her better than last year's teacher.

working girl

2011-08-14T20:38:00.000-07:00

my first day of work was 7/19 after not working for just over 2 years. to say the least, working a 40 hour week kicked my butt...big time. i think i'm in pretty decent shape but everything would hurt, i was exhausted every day & the weekends were for sleeping/recovering. ridiculous, but part of it was i wasn't used to wearing shoes anymore, much less heels. i know, talk about uncivilized....

when i walked into the office in was in the middle of a remodel, my office had been boxed up which i worked at for a couple of days & i had a student assistant who'd been there for a whole 3 weeks. that was my training. i was in another office for a few weeks, next to E & mainly assisted him.

my boss, F, came in to the office once a week. i wasn't exactly sure of him. i told B he was very hard to read & i really didn't know if he liked me or not, then B suggested he possibly felt the same way about me, which actually comforted me.

as soon as he was able to F had me moved back to my desk, up in front, alone, but more importantly away from E. my student assistant had moved on as the summer was over & 2 assistants for the fall were coming in as i began unpacking the crap that was to be my office.

i couldn't believe the amount of boxes that were supposed to fit in there. i unpacked & tried to make sense of things, then i unpacked more & then i couldn't do anymore. i would have the student unload a box & i would grow through it bit by bit, it was painful how much crap had been saved. the position had been held by 3 or 4 people previously & nobody threw out a damn thing throughout those 20 years. at one point i thought i was actually going to cry i was so overwhelmed by it all, but then i thought about how once i knew it was all shit i could throw it away & i was ok.

everytime F would come in he would say something about "there's still boxes in there." he didn't know how badly i wanted to put a match to all of it. there was at least 5 different files for the same thing; one person was highly organized, she had a green hanging file then a thick folder file to hold one page, or to hold a few empty forms.....from 10 years ago. the latest person had most of her file labels written by hand, scribbled "SSN" or "osha", very professional.

my first day F did tell me the permanent position would be listed & he wanted me to apply for it. it took several weeks, it finally listed & i applied. not right away as i had to update my resume & work on some things to say i actually had experience in them.

how to one up that walmart interview

2011-07-18T21:46:00.000-07:00

E made it sound like i would be working the following week, but after the interview i didn't hear anything. i went to vegas & tried not to dwell on it; then i called B & asked him what he thought i should do, i'm always hesitant to put myself out there like that. he thought it would be better for me to call & ask about it, that it was unlikely to turn out bad.

so i did.

i called E from a hotel bathroom in vegas.
alone at least, no strippers or midgets....

i left a message asking what was the status of the position beings i hadn't heard anything after the interview. within a couple of hours i received a call from HR offering me the position.

with a bit of a raise!

i started the following tuesday!
it's my alma matter & where B's going to nursing school!

oh, & get this:
friday july 1st - B found out he was accepted into the nursing program, i received a check from my uncle thanking me for taking care of nana & i got the walmart interview call.
friday july 15th - i got the walmart interview job, S & M both won some $ in vegas.
nothing special happened on the 29th, but we're good!

of course we saw jesus in vegas

2011-07-17T19:14:00.000-07:00

on the strip...after midnight....on a wednesday....where else would he be?

as part of the birfday celebrations i flew the vegas & met S, thanks to her employer we stayed at Planet Hollywood :-)

wait, i guess i should go back & talk about how i had an entsy weentsie panic attack on the plane... hahaha, yes, i did, but i held my *hit together & nobody knew i was freaking out, so i have one lonely ounce of dignity... i flew on a lil bitty hopper plane to LA & after we landed my hands began to numb & i got hot & no matter how much i told myself "you're on the ground dumb*ss" it took everything i had to keep calm. then i spent like $50 on LAX snacks & ~~qualudes~~ dramamine. i was prepared for the other leg of my trip, only i didn't need it, bigger plane = no panic.

oh & before i left, Z made me cry at the airport, he was so upset i was leaving. i finally told B to take him, it was better for them to go rather than drag it out. silly to see the both of us crying like i was going away for a long time!

Weds night we walked the strip; among gobs of people we saw a few super heroes, a muscular man dressed in a toga & jesus (of course). the next day S had some silly training things to take care of so when i got up i walked the mall downstairs. they say vegas never sleeps but i discovered it does bc all the shops were closed until 10am. luckily M was on her way to town though! i think that's the night we splurged (unexpectedly) at the buffet, then we walked the other end of the strip.

Friday S finished her silliness & was free after lunch. we went out & walked about again while M stayed at our casino, it was hot so i didn't blame the girl. we walked & took a casino tram thing & it still took forever to get to some shark thing that we decided to not go to after all that! yeah....oh well, on the way back S gambled a bit here & a bit there, when ever she was up a tad she'd cash out & we were on to the next casino. then at one she actually made a little bank, we about ran out the joint. then we texted M & found out she'd won some too!

they'd made dinner plans so i was just the tag along. little did i know they were being sneaky & found a cheesecake specialty place. it was a quaint little italian place with homemade cheesecake. the food was really good & big portions, i didn't know the deal & didn't leave a spot for cheesecake, then i was surprised by a birthday serenade. oh, almost forgot to mention how the restaurant was entirely staffed by men.

Sat was time to leave; M went one way, S & I the other. the drive home seemed quick even though we stopped in LA to eat. i was happy to get home & see my boys. B even cleaned house, did laundry & changed the sheets [although i didn't hear that part & i changed them again].

thanks for my birthday dinner, cake & a memorable 40th birthday girls!

racial slurs at their best

2011-07-12T10:48:00.000-07:00

background - some time ago, when my mom was still talking with me, she was visiting & i don't remember how the conversation came about, but we were talking about the neighborhood car wash & i mentioned that i had taken the car in, but they had done a lousy job. then i went so far as to say "it was a bunch of white boys & they don't work as hard as the mexicans" bc normally it is a mexican crew & normally they do much better work. [sidenote - i'm both races, so i'm insulting myself 2x.]

but yes, i know, not exactly appropriate words....& trust me, i will pay for them, read on.

so skip forward to when S was visiting & she took her car to be washed & Z says to her: "the whities don't do as good of a job huh?"

yeah...............

i wasn't in the room, B said she kinda choked a little bit, but thankfully [omg!] she didn't get too worked up about it! so then B tells me about it & i'm had no recollection of it [until B unfolds the scene he apparently recorded scene-by-scene (wth?)].

ugh, so yes, we've had discussions with the little one about things being said in the home & certain things just shouldn't be repeated, etc.

so what now?

2011-07-11T13:28:00.000-07:00

things haven't exactly been peachy keen with my mom for awhile.....& surprisingly they haven't gotten any better....

backtrack to saturday, 4th of july weekend, she left a vm "i'm going to the store, what kind of ice cream does Z want?" beings i wasn't part of the equation & Z needs to work on his phone etiquette, i gave him the phone to make the call. they had their conversation, Z ended the call & then a few minutes later there was a vm from my mom for me to call her.

when i called her back she explained she had 4 days off from work so she had asked Z if he wanted to come stay with her & he said no.

so, her original message was not exactly what she was calling for & she got to talk directly to him without any interference from me, only she didn't get the answer she wanted. hello, 4th of july weekend, right before my birthday & you don't ask me first if we have plans? trying to make me the bad guy when i say he can't go bc we have something going on? well, we didn't have plans & on his own, Z said he didn't want to go. also, i'm sure she knew in advance about time off, she could have called to set it up, but no.
she totally makes me feel like i'm in a custody battle with her.

anyways, Z said he didn't want to go bc S was visiting, so i told my mom i would talk with him & get back with her. i asked Z a few times over the weekend & as long as S was here he didn't want to go & S didn't have a plan, it was on a day to day basis & i ended up not calling my mom back.

really though, i think a big reason he didn't want to go is he told me the last time he was there he had a good time except my mom was bugging him with questions. she thinks she's helping, psychoanalyzing him, thinking she's going to discover all kinds of deep dark secrets & awful things that happen in this house not realizing it's her own unhappiness that she's projecting onto my family. this time when Z told her about his good dream, she repeatedly was asking him about his bad dreams & Z didn't want to go there.

on my birthday she called about 10:15am saying she was late for work & couldn't talk; it was an 18sec conversation. she gets up early, so it seemed like she waited for the last minute so she could use that as an excuse to make the call short. i'd hoped she'd call back that evening, but she didn't. i went with well, she's probably tired, maybe tomorrow after work, nope not sat either. then sunday, her normal day off, came & went with no call.

so apparently we're back to not talking.

& i don't know what to do.
i know if someone else treated me like this, i wouldn't let them back in my life, but what am i supposed to do when it's my mom?
i'm tired of letting her hurt me & i feel that's the only control i have.

i keep searching internally, externally, is there something i'm missing, a lesson i need to learn. all i see is the mother i don't want to be & hope i don't ever treat Z like this.

my mom & i were so close when i was growing up, the only thing i see is she can't handle my independence.

my 40th birfday

2011-07-09T11:51:00.000-07:00

we had a lazy morning, of course, i wouldn't have it any other way.
the plan was to head to a nearby mall for shopping & seafood buffet; then B got online & found out the place we planned on eating had closed due to renovations. not that big of deal, i knew of another one at a different mall, just further away. so we drove down to mall #2, only the restaurant wasn't there either & it wasn't listed on the directory. fine, i know of a 3rd seafood buffet place!

we went to #3 & we should not have. it wasn't that good & B was sure a bite of some sort of scallop concoction was no bueno. i didn't eat anything that bad, but i did have a bit of a roll that the fried outside was so greasy i had to spit it out. thumbs up on the crepes for dessert though.

after our not so good birthday lunch we went back to mall #2 for some birthday shopping. i didn't find all that much; Z got a darling lil hat & B got some good shoes. apparently we're of that age where we need good [read ugly] shoes.

oh, um, sidenote i forgot to make the awesome announcement:
B GOT INTO NURSING SKOOL!!!
so he really does need ugly, i mean, good shoes.

we even went to mall #3 [really 2 as we didn't actually go to 1 but whatev]. we malled it until 8pm i think, then we hit costco up for a birthday cheesecake, the vietnamese restaurant for some dinner then home to gobble up our goodies. i forgot to leave room for cheesecake :-(. Z didn't want vietnamese so he had chef boy-r-dee :>P

the 4th of July weekend

2011-07-07T11:44:00.000-07:00

surprise, S showed up out of the blue friday night while i was reading to Z. i was so enthralled with reading "fablehaven" i didn't hear her enter the house, or the bathroom, or anything until she was done & in the hallway announcing herself!

we had a quiet sat & sun, then on monday we went to the beach in carlsbad. it was a little alcove we've never been to before but we figured beings it was a holiday we were lucky to get a parking spot anywhere!

S had to head home before it got dark & we went to the neighbors for dinner. we had a nice time outside on the patio & then about 8pm we headed over near the park. we took a blanket & sat in the field & watched a great fireworks show.

the walmart interview

2011-07-06T21:04:00.000-07:00

i don't like to say too much about the job searching endeavors, it's boring to me, why would anyone else want to read it? also i'm afraid of jinxing myself...but this one's kinda weird so i'm sharing:

anyways, as you can guess, the search continues. the last interview i talked about [here] i surprisingly got a call back & went in for a real interview. all went well, they said they would be in touch soon, the HR chick emailed me within a couple of days saying they still hadn't made a decision & then zip. dead in the water. i even emailed HR chick back & didn't get a response.

i went on another interview last week & didn't get that job either. however, the HR lady did call me to let me know she was impressed with my resume & said i interviewed very well, then she gave me some tips on applying for other positions with the company. they hired someone who'd previously worked in the dept & although i need a job, it was something i wouldn't enjoy although i probably would have taken it if offered.

then on friday, before a 3-day 4th of july holiday weekend mind you, about 4:30pm while were out running errands my phone rings. i've been sending out resumes all over the place, but my first assumption is it's about Z.
it wasn't about Z.

it was E.
i thought it was rather presumptuous of him but he didn't ask if it was a good time for me. it was hot & i'm in a walmart parking lot & really, you want to talk about work?

he did.
he needed someone right away, someone to start supporting one of his underlings, then transition over to him. we talked about my experience, he ran a full impromptu interview & he told me he was going on vacation the following week. he said HR would check my references & if i didn't hear from them or him on tuesday to call him.
it was kinda crazy.

i got online to check my references bc i wasn't sure whom i had put down but i couldn't access that part of my profile.

about 3pm on tues i got a little nervous beings i hadn't heard anything from anyone, so i called & left a vm for E & within an hour i received a call from HR to schedule an interview.

the next morning i interviewed with 2 people. it was strange, their first question was why did i apply & how was i qualified for the position? haha, ummmmmm, i didn't apply, i got a call from E.....it was a bit awkward to say the least....
so i fumbled some & went on to explain my work experience hoping that would work. i got a somewhat better understanding of the position. it reports to interview guy for 3 months while some transitions go on, there was no talk of E or his position.

later in the evening i received a call from HR that they needed references, so there wasn't a place to input them on the profile & i don't have any listed on my resume. i provided the information, then the next day they called back bc they needed supervisors, not coworkers. so that's done & now i wait.

wednesday, may 29th, 2002

2011-07-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

Z was putting away his birthday cards, in a storage box that has old cards & other momentos & he found the e-mail string print out from the day he was born:

Dear Baby Z (ok, they didn't know the name, but you get the idea) -

Just wanted to let you know how excited everyone is to have you as the newest bud! The day you were being born I got a call from Auntie Chaz who said "S's in labor"! She gave me the number to the hospital and was very excited. then I checked my e:mail (which by the way has only been around a few years) and got a message from Uncle Steve. From then on it continued. I thought you would get a kick out this some day.

10:24am - from Steve
Hello All,

How is everyone? Long time no talk. I just got a call from Chaz. S is in the hospital right now about to give birth to a new baby boy. If anyone would like to call and wish them the best, the number is (yyy)yyy-zzzz room #236. I hope everyone is doing well.

Regards,
Steve

10:38am - from Sharon
Thanks for the info!! I am very excited!!

10:51am - from Kev
don't call now! i just called and she can't come to the phone.....she's in the throws of labor as i type! GO S!! 1, 2, 3, PUUUUSH.... 1, 2, 3, PUUUUSH.... 1, 2, 3, PUUUUSH....

10:52am - from Steve
Don't take me there again. So much pain for that poor little girl.

10:52am - from Sharon
Thanks for the heads up I left a message at home since she's kinda busy right now.

12:36pm - from Sharon
Does anyone know if he's here yet?

1:30pm - from Sharon to Maya
Can you do me a big favor and e:mail Steve S's address. I completely forgot about it and he's been asking since the shower. Thanks

1:30pm - from Maya
did you call S at the hospital? I tried just a few minutes ago and no one answered....all i could picture in my mind was legs up in the air....baby coming out...doctors & nurses up to their elbows in who knows what...and the stupid phone ringing in the background!

1:46pm - from Kev
not i

2:32pm - from Maya
hey all!
S & B's address is:
(private, duh, we still live here!)

3:38pm - from Maya
i just called and there was no answer...as i told shar...all i could picture in my mind was legs up in the air....baby coming out...doctors & nurses up to their elbows in who knows what...brian with a big goofy "i'm gonna be a dad" smile on his face and the stupid phone ringing in the background!

if i hear anything i will let all of you know!

3:39pm - from Maya
I thought these things took only a couple of hours? Boom Bam Your otta there?

So no news yet? Someone let me know. I'm afraid to call after Kev's message! Who;s keeping tabs?

ps j/k to all you long laboring moms

3:38pm - from Kev
call and find out....inquiring minds wanna know....

3:52pm - from Sharon
I would have called but I thought from your message earlier I shouldn't. I'll try her. I thought we were not supposed to call cuz I thought it all happened in that one room. I don't know about these things! @#)&*#@

3:54pm - from Sharon
O.K. I just tried and got the phone ringing thing to. Personally, I think they went out for pizza.

4:01pm - from Krys
fur sur! I thought i would be back and find an email announcing the arrival. no clues anyone?

4;01pm - from Steve
Ok, I'm not calling. Too much emotion running in that room. Chaz should do it, she is the closest.

5:10pm from Sharon
Z was born 12:53pm

If anyone is still at work and checking messages!! She was moved to another room so that is why we could not get a hold of her today!!

The number to call tomorrow is yyy-yyy-zzzz Room 304
She asked for rest tonight,
Love you all
Yay a new bud!!

5:10pm - from Sandy
What a beautiful name! Congrats to S & hubby!!!

5:10pm - from Sandy
Congratulations!!!! :-)

pumpkin pie bars

2011-06-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

a friend ask for this & if i'm gonna type it out, i might as well keep a copy of it here, it came from kraftfoods....

1 1/3 c flour
1/2 c brown sugar
3/4 c white sugar
3/4 c cold butter (1 1/2 sticks)
1 c uncooked oats (i add 1/2c more)
1/2 c pecans (i used walnuts)
1-8oz pkg cream cheese, softened
3 eggs (i prefer only 2)
1-15oz can pumpkin
1 Tbsp pumpkin pie spice

preheat oven 350 & grease a 9x13 pan

mix flour, brown sugar & 1/4c of white sugar in a medium bowl, cut in butter until crumbly. stir in oats & nuts. reserve 1c of oat mixture (i split it in 1/2 bc i like more crumble) & press remaining onto bottom of pan. bake 15 min.

beat cream cheese, remaining 1/2c of white sugar, eggs, pumpkin & spice in a small bowl with mixer on medium speed until well blended. pour over baked crust, sprinkle with remaining oat mixture.

bake 25 min (i cooked extra 10min or so to get a brown & crunchy top). cool completely & cut into bars.

Z the foodie, updated, totally...

2011-06-25T09:42:00.000-07:00

i knew i had used the title before, but really this needs updating....
(why my brain holds on to something like this yet i can't remember how many cups are in a quart, i don't know...)

Z has kicked it up quite a notch over the past couple of years, it's a quest now, he keeps a mental list of the foods he's eaten & has a bigger list of what he wants to try. if you ask him what's his favorite vegetable; it's artichoke, spinach, edamame & corn (the order varies) & he also loves brussel sprouts, but only when first cooked, re-heated no dice.

for his birthday he asked to go out for indian food; we explained to him that wasn't going to happen while visiting grandma in chicago though, we still owe him that one.

if you take the boy to an any asian flavor restaurant he wants every seafood dish on the menu.
down in the valley for nana's funeral, over 100 degrees, he ordered shark fin soup. he loved it, finished the whole bowl & more importantly had the brag factor! i didn't care for it though, it was thick (read gelatinous) & um, just not yummy...too fishy.

for father's day we went to a buffet place & when Z returned to the table with his first plate i about fell out the booth. it was piled high with all kinds of mussels, anything on a shell, he had it. green mussel with cheese on top, oyster on the 1/2 shell & ginormous shell of some sort, no joke about he length of his forearm, cooked but still - omg!

the green mussel went down fine, the oyster was another story. he picked it up off the shell with a fork & saw the texture or lack thereof, but you gotta give the boy credit he still put it in his mouth. it quickly came back out, followed by a gag, but thankfully not any previously consumed food! then he said it was "putrid" & was not about to try to giant one, cooked or not he was done exploring!

in the next few weeks there's a bug show coming to town, featuring, you guessed it, edibles.
Z is so there!

how that dr appt went

2011-06-21T16:38:00.000-07:00

remember on our way to nana's funeral we stopped off at the dr's office to drop off Z's add/adhd eval? way to start out a trip for a funeral huh?

this was the first available appt & when i made it, B didn't have his school schedule. once it came out we realized he wouldn't be able to go with us & we didn't want to re-schedule beings it took over a month to get the original appt.

you don't even get an appt apparently unless they're going to tell you - yes, your child is add/adhd.

Z was sent to a different room for testing, while the dr & i talked. i explained to him although it's been ongoing, Z's behavior is different at home & it also seems to vary on the teacher's environment. we discussed Z's history, the behavior issues, etc.

then we moved on to info about B & I when he asked "who has it?"

i told him i thought we both exhibited characteristics in different ways, but that he seemed to take after B more than me. i also made sure he knew neither of us were ever formally diagnosed, had not taken any meds for it & learned to handle it; that if we were capable, our child could possibly as well.

he asked about our work environment & educational background. i told him i did office work & sat at a computer all day, that i'm best when i'm multi-tasking & that i had my BS degree. he agreed that i had learned to make the best of my fidgetiness.

when i told him B had several AA degrees, the man pounced - SEE his inability to follow though, THAT'S a definite sign. i tried to explain B got those AA's while going to school at night & that he had been in the USMC for 20 years & was now going to college for nursing.

everything i said validated his point....B was able to stay in USMC for 20yrs bc of the structure, bc he moved around, the nursing was also an add/adhd flag.

he explained that although there was no actual test for add/adhd, that it's all based on opinion, Z is & the only reason he's was making it now is bc he is very intelligent but if we don't medicate by about 5th grade or middle school, he will be failing school & bring home all Fs.

i asked about alternatives to medicate - counseling, behavior modification, parenting classes, natural therapies.

he said add/adhd is a chemical imbalance that no amount of counseling or bm can have any affect, those are used for depression. he said the parenting classes may some, but not much & that hippie shit was dangerous (cuz uppers & opium derivatives are totally good for you...).

one thing that really stuck with me was he said "if you want him to grow up to be a fireman or a forester than he will be fine but if you want him to grow up to be an accountant, he needs the medication"

WHAT?

what does 'what i want my child to grow up to be' have anything to do with giving him medication? if there is something wrong with Z i have no problems meding him, but when it comes to a f-ing job description????

i told the dr "right now he wants to be a vet & i'm completely happy with that, but he is only 9..."

as you can tell, the dr & i were not on the same page; i was not the parent he expected & he was just looking to write a prescription - wha-la i fixed your kid!

i told him the reason i was there was bc i was tired of getting phones calls from school & i was concerned about Z making friends.

the dr recommended either charter schools or home schooling. the friend thing, that's the tough one; in his opinion Z's impulsiveness is standing in the way of making friends.

now THAT is something that i will take into consideration.

we have a follow-up appt next week so he can give us the results of Z's IQ test. i dont' really see the point, seems like whether it's high or low, it won't have any impact on the dr's opinion.

B & I will go, we talked about it, we could get the prescription & not give him the meds.
we will also go to another dr though.

i lost my funny

2011-06-20T16:46:00.000-07:00

normally even if i'm not posting i've got a few ideas puttering around in my head, forming, taking shape, evolving into something but lately that hasn't been the case. & although i never guaranteed only funnies around here, this place has been pretty sad for some time.

when we lived in the desert i wanted to come home so badly & here we are & life has been so rough the past few years. not that i'm not thankful to be home, i am thankful, so, SO thankful i can not even begin to tell you bc i can't imagine how i would have handled the past year from up there.

[well, minus some of my mother's antics, those probably wouldn't have happened.]

nana's gone & i miss her terribly. after the camping trip & going to chicago once we were home & laundry was going my next thought was i needed to go visit her. whenever i see a piece of clothing in purple i wonder if it's something nana would like. & when my hair turns orange, i think about how she's not here to tell me i need to fix that shit....

tomorrow is Z's appt, it was the first available appt, over a month later. in a way i think it's best though; school is out & although the nana factor is there i feel normal & can talk to people again. i talked with Z & explained to him what the dr appt is about, he doesn't want to go or to talk about his behavior.

bleeping bunnies & worthless dog...

2011-06-17T21:17:00.000-07:00

a few months ago there was a night when we pulled into the driveway & there was a cute little bunny that ran across the front yard. aw, cute, a lil bunny with a fluffy lil tail!

for mother's day the boys put in a pretty flower garden for me. for my mom we made a colorful flower/plant arrangement, there were enough leftover flowers to make a 2nd pot which we kept. it was really pretty & colorful & doing so well, it was begging to out to the front door & be on display. the first night the bunnies attacked it like i had put a sign out "free bunny breakfast". it didn't stop there either, they also mowed down a few other plants in the garden.

then....

our last water bill was $150, which may happen in aug/sept when it's way hot & the garden needs the extra water if it's going to produce anything. in june that was not right, it wasn't even a hot june, it's been cool & gloomy. luckily B had put in a banana tree that a neighbor had given us & he was cleaning up the rock mess he'd dug up in order to get the plant in when he noticed the sprinkler hose um, well, was broke in a place where it shouldn't be.

actually, it was chewed.

all the way through.

2 distinct hoses now.

thanks bunnies.....

so bc of where the line was ~~cut broken~~ chewed we have no idea how long the leak was happening before it was completely in 2! not to mention that we've been watering our neighbor's hill.....or the fact that we've had to water 1/2 our garden with the hose in addition to the non-sprinkler water [all while wondering wth is up with these plants needing so much water!!!].

oh & the dog, hahahah
yeahhhhh.....she's inside sleeping. i can only assume she's made some sort of arrangement with the bunnies, as in - look you come in the yard & do whatever you want, just let me sleep, k? k. deal.
bc they ain't even concerned about her one bit.

heck the other day she was sleeping in her spot near the kitchen. i was cooking but went down the hall to say something to B & when i returned there was a bird in the middle of the kitchen.

this is not the house of snow white animals!

the red folder eval

2011-06-09T09:23:00.000-07:00

right after the cs camping trip i went to school & asked my bff about conducting a red folder eval on Z. one of the cs mom's (with 2 add/adhd boys & she's a teacher) had suggested this would help & we need all we can get! i made sure the vp knew about the add/adhd eval that's in progress & she agreed, the school eval would be a beneficial aspect for the dr's info.

B & I went it & met with VP, teacher, counselor & another person who took notes.

the first step was to go over academics - they evaluated him testing individually & in a group. individually he did significantly better & he could potentially be considered gifted. when he's in a group however he can't stay on task & his scores suffer.

the counseling/behavior review was disheartening as i expected. actually more than i expected, but i know they aren't doctors & this is the beginning of a long journey that will require a lot of effort, research, trial and error.....

in addition to their opinion of Z being adhd they also expressed concern over his "highs & lows". in their opinion Z is either very happy or very sad. in case you can't read between the lines, they think he may be bi-polar. yes, they said it, i'm not extrapolating anything.

i see add/adhd in both B & I in different aspects. i see it in both of my parents' behaviors. i know B's dad had issues (i use past tense only bc there's been no contact the entire time i've known B).

i know Z has problems, that sometimes his behavior is inexcusable.
i keep hoping he will figure it out, he will learn, he will mature, he will listen, follow the rules & quit checking the damn fence.

the vp also made sure we were aware that next year documenting behavior won't be as lenient as it has been. as a 4th grader the consequences are stiffer and documentation will no longer be at her discretion.

the boy has a lot of growing up to do over the summer...

Z happenings

2011-06-07T09:01:00.000-07:00

* the other night Z was sent to his room for misbehaving & he ended up falling asleep. when dinner was ready i woke him up & asked him if he wanted to get up to eat. he came into the kitchen in a daze then walked over to the trash can, pulled his jammie bottoms down & was THIS close to starting to pee!

as the bottoms were coming down i had a feeling what direction he was going in so i was asking him "what are you doing?" before he completely let loose. then he wakened from his stupor & laughed, embarrassed & went to the bathroom to finish the job.

* lately Z has taken to singing, a lot. it's not uncommon for him to be in the backyard puddling around & singing "oh mommacita how i love you!!!" [i'm sure the neighbors are wondering when did the cubans move in?]

in addition to the love declarations Z developed a new song the other day for Lady (she also gets love songs). it's a known fact that as soon as the yard is cleaned up of landmines she has to go mark her territory. so as he was picking up, he was singing "getting ready to poop Lady, getting ready to poop".

anything more appropriate for a 9yo boy? i don't think so....

* & of course, one more trip [well, let's hope it's the last one!] to the principal's office before the year ends. so, yes, my bff left a vm that Z was in her office for behavior issues & that he would not be returning to class for the day.

i called her back, but only got her vm. so i was left with my mind to wander over all the possibilities my child could have enacted. as far as i knew or could remember "not returning to the class for the day" hadn't happened. oh, geez, this must be a bad one. what could he have done now? omg!!!!

i think it was about 2 hrs before she called me back, trust me it felt like 2 days. she explained that Z had peed all over an out of commission toilet, tape, walls, etc.

while i wasn't happy with what he did, the relief that was ALL he had done was H.U.G.E.
i asked her if they could have Z clean up his mess & she agreed that was a good idea.

dear bff, please leave more detailed messages, my heart & head cannot handle these matters...

the rest of the trip

2011-06-01T14:46:00.000-07:00

for memorial day we went back to grandma G's house to celebrate. Z finally got to open the present he'd handled so much our previous visit. i have to say i was surprised he didn't start to open it off in corner somewhere. the present was 3 small dart guns; Z had a blast playing with his great, great uncle & later we played downstairs in the basement. the sun was finally out so before we left Z went & ran around the yard, loving the grass & dirt on his feet.

we left grandma's house & stopped at Abraham Lincoln National Cemetery. i hope after the impact of the flag retirement ceremony that Z was able to comprehend at least a little of what memorial day was really about.

by tuesday one of the guns was already broken & Z decided with his birthday $ he wanted to get a bigger nerf gun. we got 2 guns; B played a few rounds with Z & even grandma C joined in the fun. we took one more walk out to the park & lake before the sun went down for the day. that night i read more of fablehaven to the boys, even B's enjoying the story now.

before we knew it 3am wednesday came along & it was time to get on the road home. the trip was good & Z was well behaved, something we all were grateful for.

the boy is 9

2011-05-29T12:53:00.000-07:00

wow, 9 years old.....

on sunday, yup, just a week before, we made plans & bought tickets to fly out to chicago to visit B's family for Z's 9th birthday. told you we're procrastinators extraordinaire!

before we left for our trip, grandma C's present (a remote control truck) & UC&AK's presents (2 games) arrived & were opened. we also decided to let him open our gifts; a baseball bat, glove & balls, then a mix of hodge podge (modeling clay that you shape, bake, then use as erasers; bags of marbles, shrinky-dink paper [B's never used it, crazy huh?]).

we flew out friday evening, arriving at midnight. the first few days there were dark, heavy clouds & raining. we visited B's grandma, she corrected us that we hadn't been back to visit in 3 1/2 years, we thought it was 4. amazing that a 93yo woman can remember such details!

for the birthday we took Z to the movies to see the new kung fu panda movie (it wasn't so great). B's mom invited a co-worker's 9yo son along, so Z had a friend. we got some filled twizzlers & the boys had a contest who could eat the most while watching the movie. i sneaked 1 while they were entranced; the candy was gross, plastic tasting. i was sure at least one of the boys would get sick after eating so much of that awful candy.

after the movie we went to a arcade type place; they had outdoor activities but bc of the rain all that was closed. the boys had a good time with the games & pizza though. Z actually requested indian food for his birthday but we told him we would do that back at home, sure grandma C would not care to participate in that meal.

back at grandma's house we had cake. it was a little different to celebrate the birthday this way, but i hope he enjoyed it.

9 years old, i can't believe how time has flown.

thanks, that's just what i needed

2011-05-27T10:47:00.000-07:00

my mom came over to visit Z before our big 9th birthday trip to chicago. we went down to pick the boy up from school & i was updating her on Z's add/adhd eval & the red folder eval (academic, behavioral, psychological via the school).

not that expected praise or anything, i was just trying to keep her involved, aware. i should have known that my mother would take the opportunity to kick me in the gut when i'm weak though. just coming to terms with actually going through with the evaluations has been hard enough on it's own, acknowledging that yeah, something's not right, we need help, was devastating.

she blames our parenting on all of it.
we are overly strict, we do not give him options, we are keeping him immature.

my first response was "really, do you want to talk about this here & now?" we were at Z's school, in the middle of a group of other parents all waiting for a swarm of kids to come out within minutes.

she's gone on & on about how Z's holding on to "old hurt" for years she finally explained that when Z was 3yo & we came to visit B yelled at him for changing the tv channel. wow, who's really hanging on to that one? not Z i tell you.

she has no idea what it takes to raise the boy, how much effort to keep the fence in check bc he's always right there making sure it's being enforced. did B over-react, sounds like it, but i can also say she doesn't know how many times he's been told things repeatedly or what about the simple fact that his behavior should be better when he's at someone else's house?

i went on to tell her no one's born a perfect parent & we were entitled to our own mistakes, he is our child. he's immature bc that's how he is, it's not a result of poor parenting.
uh, she cut like a knife & i was beyond pissed.
thank you once again mom, for being such a supportive parent, maybe you should heed a few of the lessons you're so willing to dole out!

we went home & the discussion was over, of course, she wouldn't dare say such things in front of B. i barely spoke with her, her departure couldn't happen quick enough for me. she did apologize say she didn't mean to hurt my feelings.
really?
how do you attack someone like that & not?

not working

2011-05-26T14:24:00.000-07:00

so, work, um, yeah......

i did get a letter regarding this interview & they selected another candidate. a good call i admit, call me for something else though.

i went on another interview the monday before nana's services. yeah, it wasn't easy to push everything aside, put on a happy face, answer questions & be sparkly. sparkly is difficult for me under normal circumstances, it's just not me, recent events made this a real feat. i thought everything went well, the job & company sounded good, the pay was less than what i wanted, but it was a job. a week later i received notice they'd hired someone else.
that hit hurt.

i also received 2 letters from the city that although i met their minimum requirements for 2 office clerk positions there were MANY other higher qualified candidates. 15+ years experience & a BS degree puts me at the bottom of the list? i guess they have MBA's doing their filing....

a few weeks ago i applied for a position at the jr college down the street & also tested for an office job with the county. this week i had 2 phone interviews (same company).

i haven't had a chance to write about what happened with my mom yesterday, but bc of it i had a really hard time sleeping last night. the 2nd interview was this morning. i was nervous, i talked too fast, my voice wasn't right & i kept clearing my throat to no avail. i really have no clue what the interviewer thought of me, she did say that a lot of my skills history aligned with what they were looking for but she didn't say anything about contacting me again for followup.

nana, Z, my dad, my mom....
today i say f-it,
i've had enough people.

cub scout camping...for reals this time

2011-05-22T14:53:00.000-07:00

we were at our wit's end with the boy. we'd already decided he wasn't going on the 3rd grade outing, which hurt to take away, but dang when you put that on the line, the kid shouldn't try to call your bluff.

we've punished, we've rewarded, nothing negative, nothing positive works. NOTHING...

Z was on restriction for 2 weeks, it didn't phase him one bit. B & I were miserable though. it took an outsider looking into tell us we were only punishing ourselves. so to get out of our funk & try to start over we went on the camping trip, letting the boy know if he tried to pull anything, we would pack everything up & come home.

we got there friday night & set up. although we didn't want to get there too early, setting up took longer than we anticipated & we still had to go back to town & get groceries for dinner. one would think with all the planning & premeditating we wouldn't be that far off, but we ended up having dinner while most of the kids were already in their tents supposedly sleeping.

first day up early of course, it was hard to sleep with all those nature sounds! we went for a hike around the lake, there were tons of squirrels around. the leaders made sure to tell all the boys to leave them alone, keep their distance, blah, blah, blah, then suddenly someone threw a water bottle at them. my first inclination was "thankfully that's not Z bc he's over" & as i start looking for where i think he is, he isn't, he's standing right where the bottle came from. of course.....

just can not control himself.
it's almost like he doesn't hear the "don't" part of the instruction.

anyways we told him that was it, that was his 1 chance, blown the first morning. he was good for the rest of the trip, but part of that might have to do with the simple fact of our setting. yes, compared to some of the other boys, Z was quite well behaved. it seems as though cub scouts is the central hub for add/adhd boys; many of the boys there we learned have been diagnosed & on medication.

there were workshops for the boys to earn some badges & they also retired a flag. i had never seen the ceremony before, it was moving. Z was really affected by it, something i would have never of guessed. during the ceremony one of the leaders spoke with him bc it was obvious he was not taking the situation lightly. after the ceremony i explained to him again we were honoring the flag & disposing of it the proper manner, he still was very upset though. some of the other cub scout came over & told them they cried the first time they witnessed a flag burning & the main cs leader came over & read additional info to Z to try to get him to come to terms with all of it.

B had participated in the ceremony so he wasn't aware of what was going on for some time, we don't know if his involvement played a role in Z's response, but B also tried explaining it to Z again. even walking back to our camp site he was still very upset & told me he didn't want to see that again. once he started playing he got over it & had a good time though.

the next morning we got up to misty weather, it's so much fun putting away a damp & muddy tent let me tell you. our cs camping trip was a success.

Z antics

2011-05-14T22:55:00.000-07:00

in the midst of all the nana going ons Z was not one to fade out of the limelight:

- one day i found, laying in a stack of papers near his backpack, his progress report. out of 8 behavior sections 6 either needed improvement or were unsatisfactory (even lower than N). teacher wrote that he is very distracted & often needs directions repeated. she also rated his reading & writing at 2- & +, respectfully, which is partial mastery of grade level.

- then he was kicked out of his afterschool program for choking a girl. he claims it was an accident, that they were playing bunny ears & they were running towards each & somehow he accidentally caught her neck. who knows, at this point he's lied a lot, got into so much trouble for hitting other kids, we will never know the truth.

- next i received a phone call from my bff peggy, the vp. she asked if Z had told me about their conversation, of course not. then she went on to tell me a parent had come in to complain about Z, same parent/child from the last episode. the boy feels bullied by Z. Z acted like he was going to break the boy's necklace & while they were standing in line somehow or another Z was horsing around & he ended up making the boy fall down & break his glasses.

- a few days later Z returned to the afterschool program & within 2 days he was kicked out again. this time for punching 2 girls in the stomach. he said he was playing ball with a boy, the girls came up & tried taking the ball away from them. he didn't admit to hitting them though, he said they ran into his fist, accidentally....

this was all going on while i was trying to recover from losing nana.

i called the pediatrician, picked up a form for add/adhd & gave it to Z's teacher on monday. i told her the dr's office reviewed evals on tuesday, so she had the eval ready for me the next day. when i picked up Z from school to start our trip for nana's services, i dropped off the evals at the dr's office.

i felt broken,
a failure at parenting.

final farewells - day 2

2011-05-11T22:32:00.000-07:00

we dressed & headed straight over to the cemetery; we were one of the first few people to arrive. aunt O was there already there, dressed in white, making a point that she wasn't in mourning. i was told later when someone said they were happy she was there she replied "why shouldn't i be here?"

the pastor spoke again, as did my uncles; then they passed around the little wooden box that held nana's remains. i refused to hold it, i just couldn't. when everyone had their opportunity the box was placed in the vault & after most people left i went & put my hand inside the little square space, on the box & said my final goodbye to nana.

we drove by nana's house one last time. her dog was still there but she wouldn't come to us. the sheds in back still had stuff that had been there for over 30 years. i saw the old timey high chair that was old fashioned when i was a kid. if we would have been in the truck i would have gotten it, but we were in the car, full to the brim & those sheds would be emptied soon. i did grab a bottle. a plain simple little glass bottle that would be trash to everyone else.

we'd been told my uncles had fixed up the house, things they c/wouldn't do when their mother lived there but c/would once it meant money in their pocket - painting, tiling, fumigating, etc. the house is in escrow or will be soon, it's been cleaned up & out. her things are gone & that door will never be open to us again.

we went back to the relative's house for another little visit, then came home.

final farewells - day 1

2011-05-10T21:51:00.000-07:00

we made the trip down to the valley. we stopped to visit a cousin to settle the last of my dad's affairs, so strange to think he's been gone almost a year.

we made it to town about 5 & the funeral parlor doors opened at 6. all we needed to do was get some flowers, check in to the hotel, change & get there. in a small town should be accomplished in 1/2 an hour, even moreso when everything was pretty close together. not that i wanted to be the first one there, but i did want to get there somewhat early & visit with family & i had friends that would be there. my mom however had other plans, choosing flowers took forever.

at a grocery store.
with not a large selection.
round & round & round some more....

we checked into the hotel, changed, didn't even have time to put anything on my face & everyone was back in the car. well, my mom was dragging her feet, not that she was upset or anything, just not worried about getting there early...or somewhat on time for that matter. i had even gotten a few texts from friends & family who were worried that we hadn't shown up yet & she wasn't concerned.

we walked in at 7 & things were already rolling, it was not awesome. i felt like i was insulting my nana by showing up so late. we scurried up to the front to sit with the rest of the family. a pastor spoke, some guy sang, my uncles said a few words & so did my cousin ME.
she said she didn't know if she would ever be the same again.

after the services we finally got to say hello to everyone. nana's caregiver was so sweet & nice & even though i only understood 1/2 the things she was saying she made me cry so much. i saw my aunt O, although we knew she was coming i was still surprised to see her. i couldn't believe after years of not talking to her, of forbidding nana from uncle M's funeral & not ever going to see her in her final days, she would go to nana's funeral, but she did.

afterwards we met the girls (M & S) at a restaurant to hangout for a bit. then we went to a relative's house to visit with family for a few hours.

oh & at the parlor B & cousin ME got hit on by the same guy.
well, B claims he was not hit upon, ME knows she was & M, S & I all think it really looked like B was getting hit on, so it counts.

friday/saturday

2011-05-02T09:30:00.000-07:00

i was tired & went to bed early, but i had a difficult time falling asleep. i got up at 11, unable to fall into a deep sleep the best remedy was to eat something. i got up again at 3, it wasn't that i was hungry, but i still couldn't sleep. i tossed & turned, when i did sleep it wasn't restful. i kept on hearing this song, it's the theme from the novela nana & i used to watch.

i remember waking up hot, not from the room temperature though it felt like i was running a fever. i know i was awake after 4:30 as i was contemplating getting up to read, but i eventually at some point early in the morning fell asleep. i got up shortly before 10; my body felt heavy & my head was foggy, i thought i was getting sick.

i had just received an email from my uncle [fyi, my uncle is oft known for getting the carriage before the horse, having sensitivity issues & mostly [at least in my book] for being an ass] announcing nana's FUNERAL, i was astounded [yet again] at his level of assery.

B & I sat there & talked about it. B said he hoped nana lived beyond the date. then, ugh, B made the leap that possibly nana was gone. [fyi, sometimes i really hate how often he's right!] B suggested i call my uncle, but i didn't want to. either way it would not be good - a) i'd tell him what an ass he was for sending out a funeral announcement while she's still alive, 2) if she had passed i would tell him what an ass he was for, X) not calling me, 11.1) not stating that minor detail in the email.

so i called the facility & when i asked them about nana's status they replied "didn't hospice call you?" when i said no, the nurse informed me she had passed early that morning about 6am, so i told her i would come in to gather nana's things.

i texted cousins C & ME, then called my mom.

B came with me to get nana's things & my mom met us there. nana's side of the room had already been emptied, all personal belongings were gone, nothing of her was left behind. her roommate was there, she cried for us. my mom spoke with her while i went to talk with the nurses & get nana's things.

i asked the nurse for nana's time of death so she looked at the chart; at 11pm hospice noticed nana was bleeding, she passed at 5:03am. they gave me nana's bags of clothing & other belongings which we had planned on going through there, but it was much too sad. nana's roommate had left bc it was too hard for her to stay there as well. the roommate told my mom she had been woken up at 3am bc of the commotion going on in nana's side of the room.

my last visit

2011-05-01T22:42:00.000-07:00

thursday morning i had jury duty, luckily it was over by lunchtime. i came home, ate & then went to see nana. i took a book & read to her, something i had never done before but it was so much harder to sit with her now. the non-responsiveness, the vacant stare, it just wasn't her anymore.

they brought in her lunch, it had been changed to puree. i tried to feed her but she would only take a couple of bites & when i tried to give her water she was no longer able to get it to come up the straw, only blowing bubbles instead. she tried & tried but her muscles wouldn't cooperate, so i put my finger over the end of the straw to hold the water in place, then put the straw in her mouth & released my finger so the water would fall into her mouth.

when i told the nurse about the bubbles i could see in his face this was notable. he went & spoke with the charge nurse, then came back & fed nana some more food. he was definitely better at it than i am. he told me his mother died in mexico, that nana meant a lot to him bc he wasn't able to be with his mom when she died.

the hospice nurse came in when i was about to leave. she looked nana over & took her vitals while i gave her a run-down of how nana had been. nana's blood pressure was good, but she said her heart was beating quickly & that could be a sign of organs shutting down. she also said nana had a slight temperature & noted her jaundice was returning.

based on nana's status, she decided to change her to the highest level of care. she said although unlikely, her condition could change & they could change her back to a lower level, but most likely nana only had a few days left.

i came home & emailed my uncle & ME about nana's change.
the next day, friday, my mom & ME visited nana.
Z told me he wanted to visit nana, i planned on taking him saturday.

she's gone

2011-04-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

& i will miss her always...

mah crumb

2011-04-28T13:59:00.000-07:00

during all those breaks i was reading up on ciabatta & watching videos trying find a way to remedy my ~~soup~~ dough issues. the instructions said "beat the crap out of it" & i did, i even put on my black leather boots & called it all kinds of dirty names.....

when i pulled it out of the micro i wasn't too surprised that even with all the fluffiness it was still pourable; one of the videos i watched, she had pourable dough so i wasn't too stressed over it. i separated it into 2 batches on parchment & gave it another rise period. the next part was difficult, flip the liquid mass.

Z was hollering to me about something & i told him to come to me & he asked what i was doing so i explained i was wrestling with paper & dough. he said "wouldn't that be easy?" then when i watched what i was trying to accomplish he said "why don't you get another piece of paper & just flip it upside down?"

BRILLIANT, my child!

i baked & it fluffed some more. B came home, said whatever i was baking smelled good, i told him it was an experiment gone wrong 7 different ways & there was no telling what was coming out of the oven. both loaves came out looking great; a bit of crisp to the crust, tender inside, just a little, tiny bit on the salty side.

there is is, in all it's blue cast glory (sorry but i don't know what's up with that). also, don't mind all the alcohol in the background....
the last slice from loaf #1 & loaf #2 waiting patiently, it's holes weren't quite as large.

tears in my ciabatta

2011-04-27T14:58:00.000-07:00

in an effort to distract myself, not to mention i was hungry & we were low on bread, i decided to give the ole ciabatta another try. for reals this time though, no no-knead type like i made before. the bread was pretty good, i just don't like having to plan like 18 hours in advance for my baking. i'm lucky if i think about such things 4 hours ahead of time. since then i've made french bread, rolls & a few types of breadsticks; so i figured i could handle traditional made ciabatta. even when i make breadsticks they're served after the 1st round of spaghetti bc i don't plan well, 18 hours is way out of my league.

i looked for recipes & then from all the talk, i started to get a little nervous. i decided to go with this recipe. which probably wasn't a good idea bc hello, conversions, my first hurdle, not a big one though thanks to the internet. i went through the trouble of going to a few different conversion sites to make sure i got it right, bc conversions are so not my thing.

recipes states 475g = ~2c water, ergo 500g = ~2+c flour, no? grams are little right?
also, when converted i got 15g = 3+tsp salt, i'm on the fence thinking that may be too much, but i went with it. i've worked with enough bread dough to know measurements are all estimates & that's why i can do it, i'm not precise when i cook.
the recipe also says to use your KA (kitchen aide)-like mixer. um, i have a $30 handheld from walmart, will that work? if i have to go buy a KA-like mixer i might as well go buy 300 loaves of bread....

so with all odds against me & occasional tears before i even get the flour out, the adventure begins. it says expect pancake batter & yes, that's what i started with. i used my dough hooks (which i initially mocked when i got the mixer, never mock, not even inanimate objects, it will come back to you) & beat, then rested hoping gluten strands would form, repeated like 4 times & still had pancake batter. not even kinda thick pancake batter.

i decided to switch on over to regular mixer dohickeys; not sure if the blades would destroy the gluten strings but i needed more motion. the batter is supposed to thicken up with the mixing, pull away from the sides & even the bottom of the bowl, yet i still had a bowl of soup. i beat for 10 minutes, not much changed, i let it rest, then beat again & this time i reviewed the recipe again. more importantly i read the comments bc i remember seeing someone saying they beat their pancake batter by hand & their's turned into ciabatta dough so wtf????

then i read a note that for some reason, again me & conversions not friends, the 500g of flour does not equate to 2+c flour, it equals somewhere along the lines of 4+ (i think it was 4.2 or 4.3 but, i don't give a F now....) so my pancake batter was never, ever, ever gonna turn into ciabatta dough without more flour.

easy fix, but now i had frankenbatter.

i added 1+c more of flour so i no longer had soup, but still had messy, sloppy, sticky dough. then i put it in the micro (no heat, just closed environment) to rise. that was 2 hrs ago & it's about to spill out of the bowl. rise it has, i'll bake it, but it will probably be tougher than nails.

easter 2011

2011-04-25T09:05:00.000-07:00

i just read my post from last year, so strange to go back to that time....the awkwardness with my mom & as far as i knew my dad & nana were both fine.

a few days before easter Z told me he wanted to celebrate the real reason for easter & although i was a little taken aback, i told him we could do that. for clarification, i said "so you want to go to church, right? to celebrate easter..." hahaha, you should have seen his face! "NO, i want to do an easter egg hunt!" very well then, now that we're all clear about that one.
i did explain the real reason for easter, but i'm pretty sure he fell asleep.

on sat am i took Z to a local park for an official egg hunt. it was crap though, $5 donation & the toys were bs. Z thought he scored, so i wasn't going to rain on his parade, besides, i only donated $3 - take that!

when we got home i asked Z if he wanted boiled eggs in addition to confetti & candy filled eggs & he said yes, but when i told him he had to help, he decided that wasn't necessary. i was fine with that, but seriously? putting eggs in the pan & some water was too much trouble? that kid!

it shouldn't have surprised me that he also decided he didn't want to help with coloring eggs; to that i responded confetti eggs were not happening then. in my opinion coloring the eggs is part of easter, so color with me kid or else! he crumbled & we colored & he enjoyed it [i made him]. we played with double dipping & coloring 2 shades, etc & then when we were done Z sorted them all by color & intensity, mommy's little ocd monster!

sunday was a different day though; reality was crashing in all around me. i wanted to be happy, it was easter; but nana, almost a year since dad's passing, all the job hunting rejection, put me on the edge of tears for most of the day. i pushed through it though.

my mom came over, she gave Z a basket & a toy. B & I hid Z's eggs (we didn't get caught this time!), Z had his hunt (again) & we gave him a couple of little toys. we had ham, potato salad & green salad, there was no room for cake; Z didn't have room for food.

then my mom & i went to visit nana for a little bit. when we returned, all of us put the confetti eggs together, one of those family moments i hope Z remembers. it was getting late though & bc the glue needed to dry i wasn't even sure we'd get to confetting. i said something to Z about waiting for the next day, then i remember i had a stash from last year, it was only a dozen, but if the neighbors came over it was only 3 kids so that was plenty. i sent J a text & it worked out, they came over & we all had a good time. the boys especially, little M wasn't so sure about things, but i think part of that was she was just tired.

so now i have a bigger stash, i'm thinking they will be used at a birthday party or something, cinco de mayo's right around the corner too. like we really need an excuse to crack eggs on each other's heads....

the boy

2011-04-23T22:07:00.001-07:00

i never claimed to be a mommy blogger, so you can't say anything about no Z posts. it has been a few months since my dear friend Peggy has given me a call [why yes, we are on a first name basis, well...i am, she may not be], but that doesn't mean the boy's been out of trouble. it just means he's managed to not get in THAT much trouble ~~or that he hasn't gotten caught~~.

so again, right before ~~easter~~ spring break he had to make sure he ended that with a shabang & really test boundaries at home & at school. there were plenty of yellow & orange cards, i don't think there were any reds. um, part of that might be bc he's been turning his card the wrong way again....

i decided i was tired of all the not green colors & have really been making an effort to look into getting him evaluated for adhd & trying to find programs, assistance, um, how about what to do? where to start?

i look & read but get nowhere. a friend suggested a place that helped her son immensely, but when i called they told me they only helped children already diagnosed with severe disabilities like autism, etc. & then she hung up the phone as soon as possible without giving me the chance to ask if she could give me any other leads.

his first week of school, he did it, A FULL WEEK of green, for reals! we're only in the last trimester of the school year, but whatever, let me enjoy this, he worked hard for it! & he wasn't even sick or on medication!

when i asked him what he wanted to do to celebrate he told me he wanted to invite everyone over like we did for poppa's birthday & have a water balloon fight. i was thinking something like chuck e cheese or a movie, so we'll see how this goes.

WIN!

2011-04-22T22:57:00.000-07:00

several emails & phone calls later, uncle got it going & i went back to the facility to assist with getting nana signed up for the hospice. although unlikely, the enrollment/admissions person agreed that if there were any concerns about the morphine, but percocet worked, it would be better to switch her to oxycontin.

the facility nurse also informed us it was confirmed nana has a uti & that could be causing her recent change in behavior.

a hospice nurse is supposed to come in to observe nana, how she's doing, her pain level, how the meds work for her, etc. the initial observation will be high, part of it is to determine what level of care she really needs. once the antibiotics start working, we will really know if the behavior changes are from the morphine, the uti, or the inevitable....

but today is a WIN!
[sad that a confirmed uti & signing up for hospice is considered a win, but it is]

i'm happy & relieved. before i left i stepped into nana's room. the tv was on & i could see that her eyes were open so i turned on the light & she looked at me!!!!! she hadn't looked at me in 2 days, i missed that. i'm going to really miss that!

bare with me...

2011-04-22T17:01:00.000-07:00

on tues i made sure to visit nana, uncle was coming & surprise when i got there a family friend from B-town was also there, she & her daughter i went to hs with. nana wasn't too bad that day, propped up in bed. she didn't talk much, she told me she wasn't feeling well & when they brought her lunch the family friend was able to get her to eat a little chicken & potatoes. my mom also showed up, so nana had a roomful of guests, she wasn't herself, but you could tell she was happy to have people around her.

weds was the day i met with the staff about hospice, the previous post.

on thursday when i went in nana was unresponsive. she was awake but would not respond to my voice or move her eyes at all. if i touched her she would say "ouch" but that was it, her hands/arms were limp if you picked them up. i thought she might be heavily sedated but then she would be asleep right? i asked the nurse & she told me bc of her unresponsiveness they hadn't given her any pain meds that day.

i sat with her for approximately 3hrs, from the way she looked, it was as if she had already passed & her body was merely shutting down. i even texted B & told him i thought she was going. they brought her dinner & there was soup on there so i was hoping i could get her to eat. although i hadn't received any kind of response prior when i asked her she said "water" & she drank a big gulp. shortly after B & Z showed up she moved a little bit more, but it was all automatic/involuntary motions.

i spoke with the nurses again & they asked about hospice, my uncle set up the appt for tuesday. the nurses looked at me bc we all are not sure, considering her current status, if she'll make it to tuesday. i asked them about contacting Dr F, that maybe beings hospice wasn't lined up he might want her admitted to the hospital so she can get the kind of care she needs. at the facility they can't do IVs & she can't take pills in her condition.

when i left there i didn't know if nana would make the night. if i would get a call in the middle of the night. if she would still be with us in the morning. the bits of sleep i got, B was moving/twitching & in my dream he turned into nana having spasms as she past on.

today, fri, B & I met my mom at nana's; she was better than yesterday but still not responding. she did however, roll herself onto her side. seriously, the woman amazes me. my mom force fed her a few bites of potatoes & she drank a fare share of water, definitely more there today.

i got an email from uncle saying he'd gotten his house cleaned & the woman who does the cleaning told him nana may be having a reaction to the morphine & that if i still thought hospice should be started sooner (than tues) to let him know what he needed to do.

SERIOUSLY?????
no offense, but the (*&^$@# housekeeper, no matter how sage the woman is, THAT's who finally gets him in gear????
the oncologist has been telling him for over 6 months, the facility has been telling him for probably 4 or 5 months & i've been bugging him for the past couple of weeks. oh well, all hail the housekeeper bc girlfriend made it happen!

the decline begins

2011-04-20T23:17:00.000-07:00

on the 7th nana had a dr appt, i didn't go bc my mom came over.

2 things came of the appt - dr put nana on morphine (i'm not sure if that's good or bad, it was mainly to ease her stomach pain, but morphine's some scary shit) & bc there hadn't been changes in her health instead of 4 weeks her next appt was 6 weeks (win!).

i don't remember what happened, but i didn't see nana until monday & she was a MESS. (oh, i had received a call from the facility over the weekend letting me know they had reduced the morphine pills 2/day to 1.) she laid in bed in agonizing pain, it hurt to see her like that. she was so out of it, not drugged, just could not see beyond the pain to see me or acknowledge anything.

i put her flowers on the windowsill like i normally do so they could get some sun & gave them some water from a cup. i didn't realize it until i had already emptied the cup that it was vomit. i was already teary & queasy, seeing that didn't help. a lady from the church came in to see nana's roomie, when she saw me she asked if i wanted her to pray for nana & i said yes.

i talked with the nurses & my uncle & everyone said it was the medication transition, but it seemed like much more to me, but what do i know....

i've been back to see her, more than usual, she's improved some, but nowhere near where she was before the appt. i don't know if it's the morphine or if the tumor has become active.

it's taken some arm twisting but my uncle is finally on-board with getting hospice involved. i'd hoped beings he contact the dr's office to inquire about the hospice he'd let them know about nana's declining health but he didn't. i don't know what he's waiting for, but i know i'm always half-sprung & looking for something to obsess over. this is most definitely it.

well, the job thing too, but i'm not getting into that now. that's another corner of this blog & my brain....

we're almost to the year on my dad's passing, the timing has me worried.

survived the camping

2011-04-04T20:20:00.000-07:00

we came home on the 38 & it was WAY easier drive than the 18. oh, i forgot to mention we initially tried to go up the 330 but it was closed. there wasn't much for traffic & there were tons of pulls out & all the slow drivers pulled over so faster drivers could pass, it was a fab drive down the hill. not only that, we were pretty much at the bottom of it when i thought about putting in in neutral & coasting, the car got over 45mpg, the highest it's ever gotten - whoohoo!

at best it's been about 32mpg & i thought that was great, that alone was keeping me from getting a new car [never mind not having a job to pay for one....]. although my body was not happy with all the crap food we'd eaten the car stopped at A&W, i couldn't help it.
burger, yes, fries, yes, rootbeer float, hell ya!
we had to complete the weekend appropriately right?

we made it home, unpacked & set our clothing on fire. well, i was tempted....with my clothing at least....the yoga pants i had put on night 1 never came off my body until we returned home. ok, they came off for a couple of minutes while i changed my chonies, i HAD to change those....then the pants went right back on for an extra layer that i had to have.

i exfoliated & facialed, showered & omg finally shaved mah legs! surprisingly one of the things i was most worried about wasn't a problem; i am old & i don't get greasy hair, well, not like i used to. greasy for normal people but not for me.
& that night i slept. i was warm. there were no murdering trucks within a few feet of my head. nor squawking feathered beast.

yah for home!

a camping we will go - pt II

2011-04-03T21:02:00.000-07:00

B made coffee while i went off to attempt a normal morning routine. i brushed my teeth then splash ice cold water (it never did warm up) on my face. for breakfast B fixed bacon, eggs & leftover potatoes. in my sleep deprived state i agreed to stay another night.

we went back to town, kmart specifically, to get a[~~n artic weather appropriate~~] sleeping bag for me. B also looked for tent heaters, but no dice. before we left though we hit the bathroom where they had glorious warm water. i couldn't believe it had only been 24 hrs since i felt that warmth. what i would have given for a full size tub in there!

then we went over to pick up another day's worth of food - hot dogs, deli potato salad & cinnamon rolls for the next day's breakfast.....healthy camping food.

we attempted to find a camp ground/hiking area that we were told the vw couldn't handle. for the most part they were wrong, we went up almost the entire mountain but then the road got muddy & we figured we were lucky to have made it as far as we did. so we went back to camp & hiked around there.

Z stopped at pretty much every single spot that had snow wanting his picture taken. B started just making "clickclick" sounds after about #30....
Z also decided he loved picking up kindling & burning pinecorns....um, that would be pinecones, but for some reason with him the end up 'corns.

after our walk we took a good look at the tent, i hadn't noticed but B realized not only did we have a mesh roof (with a nylon cover) there were flap/vent things ALL around, so at best the temp in the tent was in the low 30s - SEE why i was freezing my patootie off! & the 2nd night was supposed to be even colder - yah!

we took the nylon cover off & put a sheet over the tent, then replaced the cover hoping an extra layer would help insulate. then we strapped this & that every conceivable direction so the vents wouldn't open with the wind. i wasn't as cold the 2nd night although i think it was a colder & i'm pretty sure at one point a little snow fell, that or heavy rain....

the next morning we had our coffee & cinnamon rolls then packed, packed, packed everything into the car. we had a big ole tool box in the trunk bc of the possible ghetto house trip which took up too much space (not to mention the extra weight); for a minute there i thought we might have to strap Z to the roof of the car. you've seen cars with stuff packed so high they can't see out the windows? yeah, that was us for one measly 2 night camping trip.

we went tubing in the slush, Z had a blast. the days were nice so the snow was melting fast.
although i probably made it sound bad, i think our 1st camping trip was a success & we'll do it again, we still have the cub scout one if not sooner with friends.

B's so sweet, he told me afterwards that the main reason he wanted to go was so i could experience it, the 3 of us, bc he knows how uncomfortable i am being out of my element in front of others.
i told him he planned a bad camping experience so now anything else will be better!

a camping we will go - pt I

2011-04-02T21:57:00.000-07:00

we did it, i did it, we went....IN THE SNOW.
although we didn't know that was going to be there...

off the cuff we decided beings we were heading north at some point to go take care ghetto house matters, we would fit in a camping trip. we figured we'd go take care of that stuff, visit with R, then camp, of course you know nothing we plan works out that way. so scratch the first parts & go directly to the camping.

we took the 18 route, which was bad for Z, way too many curves, he didn't say anything but he fell asleep & when we arrived at the campgrounds he told us his tummy wasn't right. the snow made all those concerns go away quickly though. yep, there was snow on the ground & we had ourselves a fight alright, in our flipflops. gotta love california!

we walked around the campsite, chose our spot, unloaded & set up a tent. here's where i'll mention the camping newbie noticed our brand new tent, the roof, was mesh, like madonna's shirts so many years ago & there's snow on the ground.....
there was another covering & i would be in there with ~~2 heaters~~ the boys, i thought i'd probably be fine, possibly hot even with those 2.

moving on....B chose serrano campground bc it had bathrooms & he knows i need to be eased into this whole outdoorsy escapade, baby steps! fyi, they had showers too, which would be nice in the summer, but there was no way i would use them when there was snow out.

after unpacking we made a quick trip into town for some wood so we could head over to the discovery center when we returned. the center was already closed for the day by the time we got there, but that was fine, it was a nice little walk to explore the area before we started dinner.

shortly before it was dark Z & I hunted around for marshmallow browning sticks, i think that was one of his favorite things to do, just walk in the forest. we threw some wrapped potatoes in the fire, B skewered some chicken & a can of beans was our first camping meal. i couldn't believe B brought my godiva dark chocolate to make s'mores....in all fairness he did ask beforehand, but really what was i supposed to say, no? we did bring a couple of hershey bars but you know the boy wouldn't have that when dark chocolate was an option.

i was surprised at how well Z did with the lack of electronics....well, i think i was actually more impressed with B, Z brought a DS. i still used my phone for games & fb bc i'm awful like that. B went cold turkey & lives to tell about it.

we went to bed but i couldn't sleep; the sounds were weird & i was cold. besides forest noises, the highway was surprisingly busy in addition to that the interior campground road had the traffic of a 24-hr discount drive thru costco!!! trucks, trailers, motorcycles, did you ever see "wolf creek"? well if you did, you probably recall [vividly, or just me?] the sound of the truck & THAT was what all the vehicles sounded like.

try & sleep with those thoughts in your head....not to mention freezing body parts. i did eventually get up & put on a pair of yoga pants under my flannel pjs which helped, some. i slept in bits & pieces then when the sun was beginning some feathered beast in a tree within inches from our tent starting making the most awful sounds you could ever imagine.

ghetto house updates

2011-04-01T22:07:00.000-07:00

you know how on your taxes it asks for your occupation? i'm thinking of changing my title to slumlord. i wonder what they do with that info?

anyways, i got an email from wife-tenant the other day letting us know the garbage disposal wasn't working & that the sink was draining slowly. i contacted a plumber, he said he would make contact & get back with me before doing anything. we assumed most likely the garbage disposal was kaput, but of course there was an off chance the tenant had caused it.

the next call i got was from the plumber that all was taken care of & the tenant had paid, although they were surprised. he was positive foreign matter blocked the blades, tripped the switch so it longer functioned & then the sludge built up causing the slow drain.

then a day or 2 day later B got a call from husband-tenant. an urgent call that summer was on it's way & they had no cooling options. i thought the window unit was in, but B told me they had him remove it bc of the draft. this was thursday morning & had an open schedule so h-tenant said he would check on scheduling & get back with us.

we assumed, beings he initiated the call, in a flurry, that the call back would be soon. or in a few hours, but thursday came & went. we packed up ready to hit the road & waited.....ok, we got camping stuff together (next post) & jammed everything in the car.

friday morning we said screw it & headed for big bear. we even took the north route, thinking there was a remote chance the tenant would call last minute. but nope. it wasn't until after 5pm he finally called back saying sat wasn't good for them, but how about sun?

due to RUSH, then wait, wait, wait, wait for that reply......B told him we had plans & wouldn't be able to make it up there for a few weeks. surprisingly h-tenant asked if B thought he could hook up the cooler. B walked him through it all over the phone, told him to call back if he had any problems & he said he would give it a try in the morning.

he did call, but he got it! so yeah, they have cool air & we didn't have to go.
but we still will have to make a trip up there soon before it gets much hotter, but hopefully not so last minute.

the party, THE40

2011-03-27T19:47:00.000-07:00

so we did it, we planned, invited & they came! YAH! [except for the whole 40 part]
a celebration for THE40, for March birthdays - B, M, ES & wife (although she's not 40) & L.

actually a few days prior to the party i decided to be good with turning 40. i mean i had the dreams, but i realized the alternative to turning 40 is being dead, so hey, this is awesome! like totally!

we had a backyard bbq & people came throughout the afternoon & some stayed late & we had a really good time all together. it was just like bbq's we used to have....

well, less marines & no one went flying through the screen door. i remember the time a couple of the guys started wrestling & of course one of them got mad & then there was blood & then there was little ole me yelling at a couple of marines to "get the f-out of my house!"
thankfully, it was not like that....

neighbors J&M, KB & the new ones came by, RB & family showed up, the hs gang & a few others also made it. M brought a bouncy house which was fabulous for the kiddos. we had tons of food & everyone brought tons more, it was food extraordinaire [my kinda party for sure!]. M also brought a extra-yummy margarita recipe; not to mention jalapeno carrots & salsa fresca. S made cheesy potatoes which everyone loved & her aunt sent up some hot sauce & capirotada [mexican bread pudding]. so much was going on i don't know who brought what, someone brought chocolate chip cookies & 3 kinds of cheesecake appeared on the table.

for a moment we were in a panic thinking ES was gonna flake, but he made it, surprised us all. even S&J made it. i think we need to do it again soon!

dreaming

2011-03-24T17:55:00.000-07:00

i haven't written any dream posts in some time...

last night, i don't remember any of the circumstances however the point of the dream was - a job will come when the time is right.
although i love staying home it's really is getting to me. the job market does seem to be opening up so i'm sending out more applications/resumes, but still minimal results. remember the interview? the following week i sent a followup email to the HR person & she said no decisions had been made but shortly thereafter i found the position listed again.

i went on another interview last week. the job description was mis-leading though, so during the HR interview everything i said i wanted was not what the job entailed. the interview with the hiring managers seemed ok, one hardly said anything besides "do you have any questions for us?" REPEATEDLY & the other one seemed uncomfortable speaking. anyways, it's a large company but working in a SMALL office & doing really basic office stuff so i hope they don't call me back unless it's for something else. i know that sounds bad coming from someone who's jonesing for a job, but i don't want to work somewhere that's going to drive me bonkers in 3 months.

oh wait, we were talking about dreams, darn tangents.....

last week i had 2 strange dreams, in the first one we (B & I) had a teenage daughter, she was pretty much Z with long hair & just as much attitude...possibly more. strike that, it was a nightmare not a dream.
the next day or so i dreamt that i woke up with grey/white hair. there were a few strands of brown in there, but i had to LOOK for them. it was ghastly! [yes, i do have dreams where i wake up, it's not unusual at all for me.]

then there's the crazy dream that actually occurred a few months ago but really stuck in my head [bc yes, it was that weird!] we had a dog, not sure if it was lady or not, but she was having puppies. the first one came out & we were holding it, looking at it, etc & not really paying attn to momma dog but kinda noticed that she was really working at birthing pup #2. some time passes before pup #2 arrives, only it's not a pup, it's a baby.

as in a human baby.

it was encased in some sort of embryonic sack that was very tight. i assumed, bc well, um, it was human & it's momma was a dog among other reasons, that it was stillborn, then i think i made a noise or something happened bc the baby opened it's eyes & looked directly at me. now, that sounds a little horror-movie-like, but in my dream i wanted that baby & there was no evilness.

i knew i had to open the sack so the baby could get oxygen. i grabbed at the film but there was no slack. i was pinching the baby's face through it trying to get a hold of some to rip it apart, then finally i was able get a little bit right between the eyes. i don't know if it was a boy or a girl, but i saved it.

oh how i wish

2011-03-17T21:43:00.000-07:00

i just caught up on a few months worth of MODG's blog. not only have i not been blogging, i haven't been reading & i miss my internet friends SO much! i really need to get back to working where i can sit at the computer all day & get paid for surfing, those were the days....

i check in with crissy & tia once in awhile, but the last time i read MODG she was still preggers. now she has a cute little boy & it reminds me so much of baby days with Z. tia's pregnant now & i guess she's choosing to not turn into a mommy blogger bc she hasn't talked about her pregnancy much.

i would have totally blogged about my pregnancy had i known the blogging world existed. i really would have liked to have had the outlet, although it would not be something anyone else would want to read; at least not at that time, hindsight soften things. now looking back at that time i think i went through a sort of depression, similar to postpartum i guess, but during not after.

the first 8 weeks or so were fine other than the weird change in my appetite. you hear about women who can't eat very much later in their pregnancy bc the baby is so big, but for me this all started way early. it was a learning experience, i remember one time when i had reached about the 1/2-way point driving home i had to pull over to pick up some fast food. only that wasn't fast enough, i was so emotionally unbalanced i was about to cry bc i was hungry.

i kept telling myself "it's ok, i'm going to get food. don't cry all these people will look at me like i'm crazy. i don't even look pregnant. who cries when they're hungry?" my eyes actually watered when i got the food (from hunger & true relief) & it felt so good to eat but i could only eat 1/2 of a cheeseburger. yes, of course that other 1/2 went home with me.

i couldn't eat a lot at one setting, but i ate often, like every 2 hours or so. i started packing all kinds of snacks, little baggies full of food (dry cereal, various crackers, etc). i often thought my lunch bag was comparable to something herman munster would carry. i also kept a bag of jerky in the car for emergencies...that is until i turned into a vegetarian.

me, carnivore extraordinaire. in high school i used to wake up in the middle of the night & eat lunch meat or have a couple of bites of some kind of leftover meat bc my metabolism worked so fast. i did not waste time with carbs or veggies at that hour & now my body did not like meat. for probably about a month i couldn't eat meat; it felt way too heavy in my stomach & made it ache.

i also learned that i had a very low tolerance for sweets. early on B made a fruit smoothie for me, but i couldn't keep in down. i don't remember what other sweets i tried, but no ice cream for me during that time. my treat - yogurt. no, not even frozen yogurt, just plain ole out the fridge yogurt was my dessert or sweet treat.

at one point i counted & i had eaten 14 times in 1 day. i know that seems like a lot but i haven't mentioned the nausea, etc. my constant eating was actually what clued my co-workers onto my secret. one day one of the guys said "if i didn't know better i would say..." yeah, i was close to the 3 month marker, so i fessed up but asked him to keep it quiet until i was ready to make the announcement.

getting older

2011-03-15T19:23:00.000-07:00

this actually happened a few months ago, that fact it gets posted right after talking about THE 40 is just coincidence...

this is how you know you've reached "a certain age" bc otherwise certain thoughts never would enter your mind, case in point:

so i was in the shower & i noticed something off-white on the floor. i can't see without my glasses & simply assumed it was shampoo/conditioner/ body wash (bc all those things make perfect sense). i used my foot to slosh some water over it but it didn't dissolve, didn't really make much of an impact at all. the mass, if you will, was more solid than i anticipated, so then the thought process began...

[yes, i was alone, so don't think it was that!]

i hadn't coughed
or sneezed
or had any other voluntary
or involuntary muscle contractions;

so that meant something fell out of my body
& i didn't even realize it.

slight panic!

then i bent down & discovered it was just a piece of sponge.

i was mentally scarred from traveling that path though.

B's birthday

2011-03-10T16:16:00.000-08:00

i can't believe it.
it's starting.
remember meg ryan in "when harry met sally" & she's says "but it's out there!!!"?
the 40s...

we didn't get to really celebrate on the day; B not-worked. that would be he volunteered all day & had class at night. he's volunteering at the VA hospital to get credits for his nursing program pre-reqs, so he was up & out early in the morning. he was hoping to not-work a short day so we could spend a little time together; but it didn't work out that way. the dept he was working in was falling more & more apart & by chance an opportunity to move came up so he ended up staying all day to get things in order.
he said that was a birthday present to himself.

Z was home by the time B arrived so we sat around & watched B open his presents. we got him flowers & a balloon [Z picked out the pink, flowery, girly one], 4 work shirts & some fancy goodies (shampoo, moisturizer & shaving cream) from here & here. B's mom sent him boxes of shirts & other items as well. then before we knew it, B was off to class.

Z & I had our normal evening of homework & dinner, then B surprised us & came home early from class so we could have jello cake together. he didn't even want us to sing happy birthday to him, but we did, fast.

so it was a quiet celebration although it's a big one. in a few weeks we will celebrate with friends; at least we're all turning 40 together...

when B asked me if i wanted a party for my birthday i said "where at the mortuary so we can celebrate the passing of my youth?" no, the march celebration is enough i think.

hello, yes, this is the principal calling

2011-02-25T21:30:00.000-08:00

she's so nice to call & check in once in awhile....
too bad it always coincides with Z pulling some shit at school.

his behavior has improved, but there's still plenty, PLENTY of room for improvement. we re-instilled the chart, you remember?, yeah, we kept it, thought of passing it on to good will, but it's come in handy.

again.

so it seems he can only manage to either be good at home or at school; it's much too taxing to be good ALL day long.

by good at school, i don't mean a week of greens (green/yellow/orange/red, although sometimes Z has achieved a double red. [we're so proud! no, we are not!]), we're 2/3's way thru the year & we have yet to have one, single week of all green. he has done well with cutting back on the oranges though, for the most part at least.

remember, boy? 8? child of B?
hmpf...

so this time the principal called & although i was driving i recognized the # so i answered it [if you're a cop, i safely pulled over to the side of the road first]. she told me Z was fine but she needed to discuss "an incident" & asked if it was a good time to talk, so i told her i was driving [really, side of the road, you believe me right?] but i could call her right back. she had a meeting so she said she would call me back.

minutes, then hours past & no return call & i was a friday & i really needed to know how ~~many lashes~~ much punishment to issue before the day was complete. so just before school's end i went to the office & she explained to me the incident had happened the prior afternoon. that Z had been playing with another boy earlier in the day & at the end of the day the kid didn't want to play with him or something so Z grabbed him by his jacket & swung him around. then he kinda did a little bend the finger back mafia-style thing.

but he didn't bite anybody.
anywhere.

on the scale of Z = not so bad;
that Z has his own scale = not exactly good.

either the parent saw or was told & reported it to the office. rightly so, Z needs to realize he can't do such things & i'm glad they call him on it, whether it's immediately or later. i just wish they didn't have to call me on it.

i also went over & spoke with Z's teacher. i explained that i needed her opinion, that Z's an only child, that i'm an only child, that i have nothing to compare him to. i know he's difficult, but i don't know if he's on the outskirts of normal. i know she's not a doc & i wasn't asking her to prescribe; but she's around 60 kids a day & been teaching for 9 years, she knows children more than i ever will.

she said he's not a bully & he's not mean, but in certain situations his self-control isn't where it should be.

cub scout camping

2011-02-20T21:14:00.000-08:00

the trip was planned some time ago & let's just go with yeah, i was bit worried....
camping.
in a tent.
outside.
not exactly me.

however a long time ago i told Z i would try it, so i was up for it worried or not. we found a tent & bought a sleeping bag for Z, figuring we could sleep on the air mattress. then came food planning, which i have no clue about. most of the meals would be in a group; but hello, it's us, we eat, a lot & often, then some more for good measure, then we snack.

we planned on bringing additional sausages to grill & have with hotdog buns & a can or 2 of beans. i was also looking up granola bars recipes, something with dried fruit & nuts but not overly sweet.

then a couple of days before the trip it was canceled due to bad weather. crazy i know, but we did get a good storm over the weekend & if we had gone camping, that would have been my one & only time for sure!

so i have a little more time to get used to the idea of sleeping in a tent & figuring out wth people eat whilst camping.

valentines

2011-02-15T21:06:00.000-08:00

it was quiet around here, mainly bc i think it was the first day i was able to move off the sofa. when B asked me what my plan was for the day i told him i had a list of errands to run & i needed to visit nana. he made a face & told me i couldn't leave bc he was having something delivered.

i said - yah, we're having pizza for dinner! how sweet of you!

so bc i hadn't moved in a few days & now couldn't leave the house, i went outside to work on the yard. then a few hours later, when i was completely exhausted, dirty & everything hurt he told me he'd received an email & the delivery wasn't happening.

however, the next day i got 3 dozen red roses!!!
& bc they were a day late costco refunded B's $$ - sweet!!!

10 YEARS

2011-02-11T11:31:00.000-08:00

wow, it's pretty crazy to think we've been married for 10 years.

in the morning i got Z off to school & when i returned B was up on the computer. i started getting things together to pack up for our night away from home. i found B's card on the vanity; it was classic, i had depilatory on 1/2 my face [what can i say, i didn't want to have a fuzzy face] & went over to kiss him & said "this is what you get 10 years later...lucky you!"

we picked up Z from school then took him over to the neighbor's house. oh, not the intended neighbor, unfortunately our planned babysitter ended up with forgotten plans so i had to ask another friend. gotta love someone coming & asking for last minute overnight babysitting! yeah, 10 years, non-refundable hotel, at a casino & a comedy show. all completely not kid appropriate; but thankfully the neighbor came through - YAH! thanks J!

so we headed up to one of the nearby casinos, i didn't realize there were a few. we checked into our suite, then checked things out. i have to say i was disappointed they didn't have a bigger pool spa area, a definite opportunity for improvement especially if they want to get summer guests. they also have a spa, although we didn't attend, instead we headed to the casino bar area.

i actually managed the impossible & embarrassed B by asking the bartender if he knew how to make a tom collins. he did, they were good & i had 2, but B said i should have just ordered it. i wasn't trying to embarrass the guy, it's just i've ordered one several places/times & most of the time i will get "if you know what's in it, i can make it" - no thank you!

after our couple of drinks we decided we needed some food to balance out our alcohol content. the buffet was not all that but they did have prime rib, so we were pleased. i managed to save a little room for dessert, a small piece of 4 layer chocolate cake! it was SO good, surprisingly not overwhelmingly sweet with 4 layers of frosting.

shortly after that it was comedy show time. the 1st two comedians were crap, sorry but just bc you throw "f" in every sentence does not make it funny, you still have to have some comedic factor as a base [the "f" exemplifies, it does not create]. the headliner was great though, he didn't even get into his routine bc he was interacting with the audience the entire time. after the show we threw some cash in the machines then it was time for bed, we were done.

the next morning i felt like i'd been hit by a truck; good thing 10 yr anniversaries are spaced out a bit. i was going to need a few days to recover; not from what you think though, although the bed was comfortable i woke up all night long either freezing or drenched is sweat [sexy, i know]. we got up, had breakfast & were home before noon.

anniversaries, yes, with an -ies - pt II

2011-02-09T09:48:00.000-08:00

ok, so pt I was about how we found the house & like i said we were going to be way out of our comfort zone taking on this thing called mortgage with an impound account & pmi (private mortgage insurance which sucks!!!) bs. even though it worked out on paper we still weren't feeling cozy about it, so we decided there were a few things we could do to ease us into the situation.

we were engaged, we knew we were getting married. actually months into our relationship B was telling me he was going to marry me....i didn't believe him though, back then that is, 5 years & a deployment later i did. we chose to use our savings that would have gone to wedding expenses to put down on the house, it was an either/or situation & this girl definitely chose the house [hello, trailer park calling].

we decided to elope & keep it secret.

we were buying the house together, this made that paperwork easier & we wouldn't have to change it later. B would get a pay increase & we would be able to save more $ so we could have a proper wedding sooner. the idea of keeping it a secret was so it wouldn't take away from the formal event when it happened.

we got up one morning, got dressed, we were both wearing jeans & black sweaters, it was raining. we were at my mom's i asked her if she wanted to come with us bc we were going to get married & she did [subtle, i know]. we drove down to the county office & were married by a justice of the peace with my mom as our witness.

not what girls dream about, but we had a plan.
[see blog title, says it all...]

anniversaries, yes, with an -ies - pt I

2011-02-08T10:29:00.000-08:00

i hadn't really made the connection beforehand; the girls were coming to visit, it was superbowl weekend & there was a possible cub scout meeting. for us, that's a busy weekend & we ain't even football fans....

see superbowl weekend is actually another anniversary for us from the year of 2001 [remember the year of crazy?] yes...i didn't even get into house hunting details. so when B was about 4 months into his 6 mo deployment i remember telling him my mom was driving me crazy & the first thing we needed to do as SOON as he got home was to find somewhere to live. we started apt hunting but didn't like our options & prices so we'd started house hunting.

we liked the area our old apt was in, it was somewhat central to our work/school environment so we were hoping to stay in the same vicinity. um, in case you haven't noticed, B & I are not planners nor are we into sports so without even thinking about it, superbowl sunday morning we were calling real estate agents to view some houses. i know i called & left a few vm's, probably 3 or 4 & finally one lady called us back & it was on.

the 1st house we looked at the front was so small the entrance was on the side [ie, narrow lot]. the owner's creatively spruced up what they could via paint, i remember one of the bedrooms all red, white & blued out, talk about patriotic. it was cute house but about the size of a postage stamp inside & out.

i don't know if there other stops in between, but at some point i brought up the house up the street that i knew was out of our price range. now looking back at it, i'm surprised the RE lady even bothered showing us, but she did. i had driven by it several times, i had read the best thing to do was find a neighborhood you like & drive around & i had my eye on this place for some time.

the lot was much bigger & when you walked inside it had a completely open entry with a view through living/dining room into the kitchen with a sliding glass door to the back yard. one of the things i loved best was 2 small windows in the kitchen, between the counter & upper cabinets, they let in so much light & are perfect for small plants. down the hallway was a bathroom & 3 bedrooms sprouted off. the rooms were kinda small but we were told that was basically the norm in newer developments.

so yeah, we, er...i, loved the house. we left & went over to mc'ds to work over some numbers to see if it was even possible. it was, supposedly, you know, on paper, but it was insanely higher than what we had been paying in rent, we decided to go for it though.

visits

2011-02-05T22:46:00.000-08:00

my hs buddies have been coming to visit us lately; it's been great, even though we don't do much.....we're so exciting over here, come hang out, watch some movies & eat with us!

i think the first time S came over we were in recovery mode, the next time she came over she came down with some extreme creeping crud & slept the entire time (poor thing) & the next trip M & baby came too!

fyi, Lady did not like squeaky little thing. ok, not that she didn't like her, just she didn't know what to do with such a thing that made noises like that.

for baby's 2nd birthday i crocheted pair of slippers for her, although they came out big & a hat with a ruffly edge. i chose a purple & green yarn which in hindsight i should have just used a plain simple pink or purple, the combo doesn't seem very little girl. oh well, next time! although those slippers will probably still fit next year!

now we're hoping to get a march birthday thing together, i'm excited & hope it works out.

nana

2011-02-03T22:10:00.000-08:00

so it's been months since i've posted any real updates on nana, she was over for thanksgiving & christmas. i've accompanied her to dr appts, except that one where i totally showed up late, oopsie! i still try to go see her every other day or so, she's settled into things at the facility going to coffee & arts & crafts activities.

some days she's good, really great except her appetite has waned, other days, she says she doesn't feel well & stays in bed all day. my uncle surprisingly makes it down to visit her once a week & other family members & friends are trying to stop in to visit her as well. a few months ago nana ended up changing rooms after her roommate when bonkers bc a bunch of loud mexicans kept coming into the room. nana seems more comfortable in her new spot, the lady watches novelas all day.

i didn't make it to the Feb appt, but at the last one, which i was dreading, like i do each time, bc really what more can the dr tell us, at the last one he said nana was still doing remarkably well. i cried in the car to & from, but managed to hold it together in front of her [surprisingly]. i know she understands now, i've seen her face the realization of her life ending & she is brave.

the other day i met my cousin at nana's, we sat outside & talked while nana listened to us chatter away. she asked nana how were the tortillas i made & nana replied "she tries" classic nana!
& the other day she asked me out of the blue "are you going to color your hair?" so i asked "do i need to?" to which she replied "yes". i then asked her if i had grey hair & she said "no, it's too orange though".

went on an interview

2011-02-02T22:28:00.000-08:00

i finally, finally got a call back that actually led to an interview. i was beginning to think there was a subliminal message on my resume that said "don't call, don't hire, i have herpes".

although i didn't have a lot of experience in the area, it sounded like one of those jobs hardly anyone really knows going in, so the little knowledge i had was a good wedge to start with. within a couple of days of sending in my resume i received a call from HR & we did a little phone interview, then set up an in person one.

i discovered the company was small, which initially is something i didn't want, but at this point i'm not going to be that picky; especially bc the location is oh so close & the pay is decent. many of the jobs i've looked at have been right on the cusp of too far & for quite a pay cut. employers now want uber experience & pay junior salaries, it's not a great time to be looking for a job. i'm so thankful we've been able to make things work for this long.

at the sit down interview i first spoke with the HR person again. she told me they had done lots of interviews & she was tired of it all & hoping to hire someone right away, really like possibly within the next week or 2 is what it sounded like. all went well with her & then i interviewed with the hiring manager.

he was the nuts & bolts, he gave a huge list of requirements & responsibilities. i really don't know how things went with him. he gave me a different schedule, saying he wouldn't make any decisions until mid-month, then probably scheduling a 2nd round of interviews, with the new person probably starting at month end.

so i'm going to have to just wait & just keep swimming...[that's from nemo]

Z's earache

2011-01-25T21:32:00.000-08:00

i forgot to write about this earlier...um, bc i'm hardly writing, so i had to go back over to FB & look it up...yeah, loser blogger i know.

anyway, i remember Z hadn't had much of a dinner, then we had a cub scout meeting where he made an absolute pig of himself on desserts [people probably think we don't feed him before attending]. i wasn't surprised at all when he had a rough night sleeping. i remember he woke me up yelling "MOM" & when i asked what, thinking something crazy was going on he said had to pee...um, you can go take care of that all on your own kiddo you're 8!

then he called out "MOM" again at some point & i thought if he tells me he has to pee again it's on, in the morning when i can move, but this time he said he had a nightmare & there was a monster in the hallway. well, dang, you mean i gotta go face the monster in the hall to go check on you?
there was no monster in case you're wondering.

but he was a mess all night & the only thing i could think to do was lay down with him & hope he would chill the bleep out & sleep. but he didn't. he tossed. he turned. he flipped. he bounced. OMG no chance ever of anybody sleeping.....except B peacefully in the next room completely unaware of all of it.

i think we maybe had 2 hours of sleep & when he got up in the am he wasn't a happy camper, surprise....i told him to get something to eat & go back to bed bc no matter what he could not go to school in that state. he has troubling behavior on a good night's sleep this was a gilded invitation to the principal's office.

he said his ear kinda hurt & he felt weird. i assumed he'd simply slept on it & after a few minutes it would be fine. when he got up a bit later he said it still hurt & he needed to go to the dr, i told him we would wait & see how he felt. he (nor i) have ever had an earache so i had no clue how to handle it or what to look for at all. cue google search & FB status updates.

my idea was for him to have a hot cup of tea & shortly after that he said water came out of his ear. when i told B that he said it was time to call the dr & take him in. he didn't tell me that was confirmation of an earache & perforation. thanks hon!

luckily Z's ghetto clinic let me take him in right away, although we waited like 2 hours & i was dying of a new cold [i no longer remember if that was #3 or 4 of the season]. i was just about to fall asleep when they finally called his name. dr took a look & said yeah, it was ugly in there, very red & had to be painful, she said he was quiet a trooper for not crying considering the amount of pain he had to be in.

the next day he was up & ready for school no problem. he took 10 days of antibiotics & then went back to the dr for a check up. apparently after a perforation, they need to check hearing, earaches are serious business...Z was fine thankfully.

how do you dent your speakers?

2011-01-20T19:55:00.000-08:00

i don't know much about speakers, it's definitely B's arena & i'm just thankful i have sound when i'm watching tv or playing the blue-ray (yes, it does involve different selections but i know them!).

SEE how easy going i am?

i digress, that wasn't where i was supposed to with this. anywho, a few years back B got some smoking deal on some kicka$$ speakers from his brother. if i knew anything about them that would translate into something meaningful i would share, but i do not [read previous paragraph, geez]. there's the long one (amp maybe?) that sits in front of the tv & 2 tall ones (really like 6ft or so) & they're cool bc they have a blue light when they're in the dark.

again, see my easy to pleaseness?

then there's this other boxy thing which is encased in some pretty faux wood. i remember when B was telling about getting them, some fancy brand was trying out a new line that failed & they were closing out the inventory in lots so B's brother was getting a few people together to make the purchase.

i was not excited about spending $500 on speakers.
do you know how many pairs of shoes i could buy with that?

but B went on & on about how good they were, etc so yeah, sure, whatever....pretty sure if i made too much of a fuss over it later we'd pay more for less. anyways, yes, years later, they're pretty & they work & we get many a compliment on them. [i could get many more compliments on some good shoes, but B doesn't get that]

so fast forward to the other day we were playfully "discussing" something. really, we were just joking around & prior to that B had gone to the garage to get a bag of frozen beans to thaw for dinner. so talk, joke, jab, talk & i don't even know what i said but B acted like he was going to throw the bag at me.

only bc they'd started to melt some the bag was slippery & it flew out of his hand directly into his purdy speaker.

a bag of frozen beans....
that he threw....
hit his pretty speaker....
gigglegiggle.

it's not really noticeable unless you look for it, but i think i'll tell everyone who will listen to me about the time B threw a frozen bag of beans at me.

Z the mad scientist

2011-01-14T15:15:00.000-08:00

[if you're want kids, or are considering having kids you shouldn't read this. if you have kids, or know you don't want kids, share in my glory]

this actually happened a few months ago, it's just taken awhile for me to get the nads to share it...

when we moved to the desert, Z had just turned 3 & was still in the early stages of putting sentences together. in case you've never lived in desert, unless it's freezing out, the cockroach population exceeds the human population. so in the mornings at ghetto house, Z would get up, come get me out of bed, then walk me around the house to show me all the dead roaches. we're classy, we sprayed, so at least they were dead.

"bug, bug, bug" he would say & point them out so i could put the evil in the trash. [i loathe roaches]

so, Z has this thing that he likes to make "bug killer", although we no longer live in the desert & don't have the roach problem [it's spiders now remember?] he still finds great enjoyment in creating it. it's completely innocuous; handsoap, shampoo, water, leaves, grass, dirt, maybe a cigarette butt, air freshner, etc. it's something he likes putting together & putting on ants or whatever's crawling around the yard.

however, we've always told him his creations are not allowed inside the house.
a simple rule right?

one day i go into his room & it stinks, i mean really, really stinks BAD. i went & opened the window, took his hamper outside to air out & took all his dirty clothes to the garage. when i went back later it still reeked like you wouldn't believe & i couldn't figure out what the heck was making it smell so awful.

i started looking around & i promise you, ALL DAY LONG you will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER guess what i found.
he's 8 remember....

i'm pretty sure you can guess from the aforemention stuffs that it was a batch of bug killer....however, this batch had a new ingredient. actually it was 2 new ingredients, can you guess now?

well, to start off slow, he'd peed in a cup, well, it was a baby food jar, so now i think you can guess what the 2nd ingredient was.

yes, it was poo.
in the baby food jar.
then there was a big log on the floor next to it under his dresser.

now THAT was awesome to find.

which is more inappropriate?

2011-01-12T13:58:00.000-08:00

- at some point in time my mother gave Z a flask. yes, a metal flask that came from an alcohol promotion thing. she's also given him a large glenlivet metal tin full of dinosaurs. the other day B found Z filling it with tap water to take it to school.

bc we don't get enough phone calls from school, thank you mom.

i wonder what people would say when they saw a 3rd grader drinking from a flask?

- when Z goes to Grammie's house he usually takes some movies. i never check his choices, i assume they're all cartoons or HIS-type movies. wrong. one time he took "death race" [if you haven't seen it, it's violent & let's just go with not anywhere near G rated.]

so when he comes home [keep in mind i'm not even aware the movie went with] he says "Grammie liked death race so much we watched twice."

mom's birthday

2011-01-09T13:35:00.000-08:00

i knew it was on the weekend, i just thought it was on sunday, not saturday....

i had called & left a message for her, asking when she wanted to get together & it was planned for Z to spend the night, so i got that far.

when she called on sat am & we talked, i didn't say happy birthday though. i thought, with every grain of my soul it was on sunday & thankfully the woman did not get all crazy about it. we were trying to get the scheduling down bc Z had cub scout stuff sat am then again sun pm, so everything had to be done around the 8 yo's schedule.

then when i realized it was the 8th i called her right back, really it was minutes after our initial call, but i didn't answer the phone singing happy birthday so i was surprised that she didn't answer the phone yelling at me what an ungrateful & selfish child i am. [yeah for parents!]

after Z's morning gig we picked my mom up & went out for soup lunch. she wasn't feeling well either so it was just lunch then back to her place. we hung out for a bit until Z asked "aren't you leaving?". i tried explaining to him that it was Grammie's b-day & it wasn't really nice for us to just up & leave but that's what he wanted, lunch & out, see ya!

i gave her a framed collage of family portraits which came out really neat beings i have nana's old albums. there's pics of her when she was a little girl in front of the house, one of nana's birthday parties, & lots of Z of course. beings i was confused on my days, i didn't bring a cake though, but mom ordered her favorite white cake, white frosting & coconut.

since we were kicked out, i came home & made the cake so on sun when we went to pick up Z we had the birthday cake then. my mom gave me some to take to nana & bring home, i think she planned on taking the rest to work as she kept 1/2 of it....or maybe she just kept it for herself!

new years

2011-01-02T13:25:00.000-08:00

a few days after christmas we were out shooting rockets, besides the little science kits, that was Z's favorite part of the holiday.

right in time for new years holiday we were contacted by the tenant again. about the fridge, again. this time he said it wasn't cooling properly, that they food was going bad & he'd gotten a thermometer to check it, & yeah. so we had to go rush fridge shopping again, figure out when & how to get it there & when & how to get the one there back here.

we were done with the place where we had gotten the 2 fridges & knew we were getting something new. we'd hoped to just contact the home depot & have it delivered but you know nothing is ever simple, they only did curbside delivery & our tenant is SO NOT mr. handy at all.

so it came down to getting the fridge & spending new years in the desert. i can't complain, it went well, we were with R & family, but it was not at all what we planned. not what R planned either, it was more of a hey, we're coming up tonight & can we stay with you? great friends aren't we?

it was a nice visit though we ended up staying 2 nights & hanging out. the boys played wow, the kids played whatever, danced & looked for ghosts & the women cooked & watched movies.

christmas 2010

2010-12-26T10:32:00.000-08:00

i hadn't been over to visit nana much beings i had cooties & figured a nursing home was the last place i should go. when i made it over there she was sad & not feeling well. i explained to her why i wasn't visiting but that we would pick her up on christmas day. at first she said ok, but then she said she didn't know if she would feel well enough.

we got up & got the turkey in the oven [yeah, we repeated thanksgiving dinner, i have yet to decide if that means were boring or gluttons]. Z opened his stocking stuffers while we were in the kitchen, little science kit things that he really liked [an electromagnetic something [i's smart! wires & magnets, whatever & the other one was a little crystal growing kit]. once we could all sit in the living room he tore into everything else.

Z got a few new games for the wii, some rockets, a mandatory flashlight & an erector set but the first thing he wanted to play with were those 2 little science kits. so he & i put those together while B put his new grill together. it was a pretty cute moment in time, all of us on the floor in our pj's assembling.

then we went to see nana, she was up & dressed thankfully. i brought her a purple orchid & a picture frame with our christmas card in it beings we weren't sure if she was going to come over or not. she seemed in much better spirits & was happy to come over for another visit. she tore into that turkey leg like it was nobody's business too!

my mom also came over & we all enjoyed the day together. once we ate it was wii time; donkey kong has really changed over the years compared to the old atari 2600 version....Z & I have a good time playing together, although it's torture for B to watch [bc we're so bad].

nana stayed longer this time, it was nice for her to just blend into the dynamic. she did ask "don't you play some music?" though. i know this is completely different environment for her, she used to sitting in the backyard with rancharitas blaring ~~& a cold beer in her hand~~.

so mom left & we took nana back to her facility, then it was over to the neighbor's for dinner, which was a joke bc we were all still stuffed from lunch & dessert, we tried though!

the play

2010-12-24T08:13:00.000-08:00

i forgot to write about this, so i'm just gonna write something quick....
i decided bc we're in the city, where there's culture & that although we're broke, we should go see the nutcracker. for once we actually left the house not late.

only bc the tickets were left on the dining room table.

which of course, wasn't discovered until we were there, parked & walking to the entrance.

thankfully, we were close to home, so it was worth our while to get the tickets & go back, but were still about 1/2 late or so.

Z didn't like it, he wanted to play with my phone & said he'd rather stay home & watch cartoons (FanBoy & ChumChum to be exact). i thought at the very least he would like the music, they had a full orchestra but he wasn't impressed. although later, when he'd hear the music on tv he would tell me the play stole the commercial's music...

B & I enjoyed ourselves, it was a good change of pace & nice way to get in the christmas mood.

sick too

2010-12-23T21:23:00.000-08:00

i wasn't surprised about the cub scout/walk/run headache, but the week-long off on was tiresome. once it went away a cough replaced it & since then [weeks later] it still lingers.

Z has also had a cough, but thankfully hasn't gotten sick. at school they had another singing presentation, he sang jingle bell rock & the 12 days of christmas...well, kinda, he's not much of a singer. last year i remember one of the songs was feliz navidad & i heard him saying it the other day but he actually said "novigog". his last day of class was party day, i went in to help with crafts. i helped make a paper mouse with a candy cane tail.

B surprisingly made it through the semester without catching it either, a few days later he did though. he did absolutely fabulous in his classes, i have to say i'm quite impressed with his grades, but he knows going into a nursing program he has to. one night we went to his O.Chem teacher's art studio for a little end of the semester celebration.

Z's craft day & B's party day were the same day, next morning i woke up with cold #2.

more ghetto house chaos

2010-12-16T19:18:00.000-08:00

we had already been going back & forth about fridge #2; they said it was leaking, internally, not water but a fluid, but then it stopped, that it was going into a drip pan in the freezer & it was probably 'normal'. we told them to disconnect the water line but never got a response & from 200 miles away we decided to just let it be.

a few days after thanksgiving we get another call from the tenant - yah, this is great! this call was to let us know the water line to one of the toilets was leaking, so we told them to turn it on only when needed & friend R would go over & take a look at it. before R even made it over to check out the line they called again bc there was no electricity in the living room.

GAH!

so then there are a few million phone calls between B, R, the tenants, me & the electrical/plumbing service company bc I scheduled service but then the guys decide to look at it first & i just want everything fixed & i was stuck in the middle of it.

R was able to fix the toilet that night - YAHHHHH!!!!

the electrical stuff was afu'd & R waved the white flag suggesting we contact the service company. i was completely thrilled one problem was solved, the only thing was when i called the service company back & left a message no one returned my call. then i called the tenant & he wouldn't call me back either, so then of course i fly off into left field worried that maybe the house burnt down in an electrical fire.

hey.....i wonder what the insurance payout would have been on that?

turns out the tenant went out of town for a long weekend & late monday afternoon i got a call from the service place it was all fixed up & the bill was less than $100 - SWEET! i was worried the whole house was going to have to be re-wired or some other craziness. of course i didn't get the electrician's breakdown so i wrote down whatever the heck he said, repeated it to B, who tried to explain it to me but whatev's, it works, it's up to code, we are done!

oh christmas tree

2010-12-15T23:26:00.000-08:00

on fri we picked up Z from school & headed over to get our christmas tree. the plan was to get the tree, decorate it & take pics so we could get a card out you know, before christmas.

there's always the plan & the reality....& they tend to be really different around here....

after the cub scout ride/walk/run thing that headache didn't go away. ok, it kinda did, but then it came back, then away, then back & away for like a week, it was good times! after that i had a cough that wouldn't go away, so i was kinda tired & a little out of it & instead of decorating the tree i decided i needed cookies, chocolate chip ones of course. [you know if anyone else needed those cookies i would have told them to bake them themselves right? but yeah, i needed them]

so decorating happened on saturday. we actually have too many ornaments now & the tree is looking a bit full. we've continued, although we have yet to do it this year, the tradition of buying an ornament every year; it's a lot of fun to see our choices over the years. Z always picks out something really crazy, loud &/or colorful; his ornaments stick out in a crowd.

um, pics didn't happen sat...or sun & then finally i don't know what day it was, but i got my *ss in gear & fixed my hair & face & was all done up ready for picture taking & guess what? we couldn't find the bleeping tripod....& we have 2. we realized we hadn't seen them since the move, so there was no telling where they could be. we looked everywhere we could think of & came up empty handed. we figured the only place they could be was up above the garage, so pics were postponed again.

the next day B looked, but no dice so we tore the house apart again. i finally find one of them & we DID get our pic taken - YAH! we even got the card ordered that night! yeah, so what if it was already mid-dec....

oh & in case you're wondering, no, Z didn't cry for this one.

yeah, i know....

2010-12-12T21:35:00.001-08:00

but really, not much has been going on....
i mean other than the usual, it's december, so there's that chaos. we got the tree on friday, yah, got it in the house sat & decorated on sun, talk about pacing ourselves...yes, we did. pics planned for tomorrow night, guess i should start looking at card samples to have a few options ahead of time.

um, Z, well, yeah, the past 2 weeks he's gotten in a lil trouble at school. not much, 2 orange cards previous week, 2 orange & a red last week. actually it was a double red, bc he's good like that. nothing big though, just his usual not listening, not following directions, on his own programs, talking instead of working. so yah, it's not like he's bitten anyone lately....the teacher's agreed he's improved, he's approached normal inappropriate behavior so there's still lots of room for improvement.

we've had troubles here at home with the not listening as well, so with a heavy heart we decided he just was not ready to attend the cub scout whittling project day. B & I spent quite a bit of time picking out the knife, making sure it locked open & had a short blade, but in the end we figured if he couldn't listen to his teacher in class, can you imagine how hard it would be for him to focus with a knife in his hand? with a bunch of other little boys with knives in their hands?

more than likely nothing would happen, but it was a good opportunity to drive home consequences to not listening or paying attention or Z's favorite, when someone says stop it equates to "hurry up & do it NOW"....

i cut back my visits to nana this past week as the week long on/off headache turned into a cough which then turned into a cold, it was fun.

oh & then there's the house, yes, the f-ing house, stuff going on there that keeps me from here. i think it's good now though. i HOPE!

ciabatta this

2010-12-06T23:07:00.000-08:00

the other day at the library i found a book "kneadlessly simple", seriously, i had no idea there was such a thing! this is totally what i need! bread sans kneading bc, well, i'm a little over the top, so light kneading does not happen over here, it's all EXTREME KNEADING, which you know, does not make good bread.

so anyways, i didn't want just plain ole bread, i mean, why start simple? that's just not me...
i decided to start with ciabatta, but then it went into a description about how the bread was supposed to be shaped like a slipper or something & i was lost....

so, yeah, i googled "ciabatta bread shaping" or something along those lines & found a video that lined it all out. yes, i did watch it probably 10 times thoughout the bread making process, but hey, guess what?

i made bread!
& it wasn't tuff as nails!
it was edible even!

although i didn't like that it came out kinda flat, but hey, for me & bread, it was good!

i made another loaf a few days later, i added fresh rosemary & a little olive oil & planned to not stretch it out as much the 2nd time around. it didn't work out that way though, i didn't do the saran wrap trick & made a mess, i was happy to not have dough all over the kitchen by the time i was done.

i haven't made anymore bread since then, but i will soon, probably a baguette & when i'm up for it sourdough, my favorite.

new year's resolution starting in december

2010-12-01T11:55:00.000-08:00

because i'm a lil late like that....

i'm gonna be a better blogger.

dec 1 i wrote 5 posts for november.
i have 5 more drafts started, i hope to complete within a day or 2.

cub scouts update

2010-11-29T11:52:00.000-08:00

we barely made it up the hill in time, then we slowed down [just a little] to pick up Z at grammie's house & pick up some fast food, then home...you know to get a bike. we told him to run in the house, pee & get his helmet, then we were out the door again. i ate my hamburger in 2 minutes while Z ran around.

i had been worried from the point we were told a bike ride was scheduled; Z hadn't really ridden his new bike much so no training wheels was still a bit scary. for practice i took him over a few blocks to a dead end street so he could ride in a quiet area, he practiced in the street & on the sidewalk. when he got his courage up we came over to our street, much busier & with a small incline. he kinda got the idea about keeping his eyes & ears alert for vehicles, but still had a long way to go.

then one day heading down the hill he lost control fell over the bike & landed his cheekbone hitting the end of the handlebars. it was just a bruise, but he wouldn't ride down the hill anymore. so practice was only riding up the hill, then he walked the bike down the hill, fun!

the day of the ride, we were the last ones to show up at the meet up point but we made it. B & Z had bikes & helmets & i walked the route, partially bc i wasn't sure how Z was going to do & if he [or someone else] lagged behind i would be there.

we'd been going on hikes around the local hills, but i was not up for this one. i didn't realize it was 2 1/2 miles, not mention i was a little hungover, dehydrated & short on sleep. i walked & ran, then walked & ran some more until we got to where i could see the park, then i was done. i walked & FB from that point.

Z did fabulous on the ride, had a really good time & didn't have any major problems. his pedal even came off at one point & he was able to catch himself before falling out of control. at the park they did cones & a few other exercises & all the boys had a great time.

i however didn't fair as well....i had lost my voice the night before & it didn't last long during the ~~run walk ride~~ whatever. i also got a headache somewhere along the way. thankfully i was able to hitch a ride back with one of the other parents, so i was warm & didn't have to run or walk, which was great bc i was done.

hs get together

2010-11-28T11:51:00.000-08:00

once we figured out B's school schedule would allow him to come with the next thing was Z. my mom actually had the weekend off so she could [& offered even!] to watch him, but we know his allergies go crazy there & he already had a cough. we considered for a few to bring him with & ask cousin C to watch him, but he wanted to stay with Grammie, so that's where he went.

we headed down to the valley late saturday, it's kinda nice to not be in a rush for the trip. when we got into town we picked up some food & headed over to C's lil apt. it's a really cute 2bed apt, just perfect for her & not-so-baby C. considering it's her first place & she's only been there a couple of months, she's got it pretty together too.

we headed over to the party about 8ish; it was surprisingly warm for dec in the desert, windy though. it was great to see the gang, we hung out the backyard, old school style. we are getting old though, after a couple of hours it was time to eat & about an hour after that it was time to go in & sit, we can't drink or stand they way we used to!

i think we left about 2:30, cousin C went out too, so i had her house key. i texted her & let her know we were in, so she could call me when she got home. i know i woke up at least once, worried that she'd called & i didn't hear it & she was sleeping outside her own apt! yeah, we would so not be invited over again! hahaha! about an hour later she did call, i remember my voice was gone & i could hardly speak, i don't even know what i said or if she even heard me, but i got the door open to let her in.

the wind was crazy bad & woke me up throughout the ~~night~~ i mean morning. sun Z had a cub scout bike ride so we had to leave early to get there on time. my voice hardly came back, but i surprisingly felt alright considering the alcohol & lack of sleep, at least for the drive.

Thanksgiving 2010

2010-11-26T11:51:00.000-08:00

wow, i'm getting good at this, a few years ago i listed our "standard" menu & that makes things so much easier! i decided to not make any cookies this year so i could focus on pie crust.

i actually made the crust about 6 weeks before bc i was dying for some pumpkin pie. then i realized i didn't have any evaporated milk, so it stayed in the freezer. when i got the milk, B told me he really, really, really was going to try to watch his weight, so the in the freezer it stayed.

that is until i couldn't take it anymore & i didn't care about the man watching his weight, i would eat the whole pie myself if i had to.....
so i made the practice pumpkin pie, it came out pretty good. i took some to nana & she said it was too sweet. i didn't put as much pumpkin spice it, oh well, now i know better! next time around i'm tempted at putting some cream cheese in there.

bc nana was coming over we knew we had to get things going early in the morning & have more of a lunch instead of our regular 4 or 5 dinner. so the day before thanksgiving i made the real pumpkin pie, a chocolate pudding pie with homemade graham cracker crust, the spinach dip (bc it's always better the 2nd day), cooked the acorn squash & prepared the cranberry sauce. then in the middle of the night B woke me up with "did we get a pan for the turkey?"

ugh, no we had not. i had asked him about getting a disposable one while at the store & we did decided to look for a real pan & uh, forgot about it i guess.

so we got up early, actually B did, i was dragging *ss....
he started prepping things, like life-giving coffee so i could get out of bed & when i finally did, he was already dressed & headed out to buy the pan. i started chopping stuffing ingredients [& FB-ing (shhh)], but we still ended up about an hour or so behind schedule.

about noon we went & got nana, she was ready to go. we were starving & dug into some appetizers, but nana didn't want to ruin her appetite, even though i told her it would be a couple of hours before it would be ready & her normal lunch time is 12:30, she would not eat a bite of anything. my mom showed up shortly thereafter, she wanted to make sure she got a lesson in from nana on gravy making.

only nana said she didn't remember how she made it. i make the world's worst gravy, so that meant my mom had to & as soon as she started, nana told her she was doing it wrong.
HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAAH!
oh, sorry mom!
ahem................

dinner, er lunch, whatever, the thanksgiving meal, was ready about 2:30 & by then nana was starving. she only got a little mashed potatoes & henry VIII style, had the turkey leg, seriously. & she put a hurt on it too. the rest of us had full plates & enjoyed our thankgiving very much.

shortly after the meal my cousin ME showed up with her teenage daughter, it was nice to have more family over. i don't even remember what we talked about anymore. we did dessert next. i don't know how many times nana asked about the pumpkin pie (my mom brought cherry & coconut cream, so i guess beings nana didn't see the pumpkin, she didn't believe we had one even though we told her repeatedly).

nana didn't have any dessert though, she was stuffed with turkey. about 4:30ish she was ready for her nap, so it was time to take her back & that seemed to be the cue for everyone to head out.

my mom skipped out too & didn't take any leftovers & honestly, there was a part of me that wondered if something was up. we talked a day or 2 later & she told me she left here to go to a friend's, so that was good.

the trial run

2010-11-21T22:50:00.000-08:00

so the deal with changing nana's facility was 2 part, one that i can go see her more often but also so we could bring her to our house for outings. cousin ME took nana to her house once from the other facility & she warned me it was a lot of work for just a couple hours & it wasn't easy getting nana in & out of the car. so i knew i needed B to help me & his school schedule has been crazy, not to mention all the ghetto house fun.

as the month dwindled down & we got the renters situated, we planned on bringing nana over on saturday. unfortunately when we went to pick her up around noon she was still in her gown bc she'd had a rough night. she was having problems swallowing & chewing & when she woke in the morning her right side & the bed was wet either from vomit or drool bc she couldn't swallow. we stayed & visited with her for a bit & told her we'd be back the next day to try it again.

we showed up about noon again & this time she was dressed & in her wheelchair waiting with bells on; it was cute. it was kinda cold & rainy out, but she didn't mind. B & I got her in the house & then we had lunch. i had prepared abondigas the day before & homemade tortillas, the first thing nana said was "they aren't round". hahah, i had to tell her it's a lot harder than she thinks it is to make them round, she did say they tasted good though.

it was amazing how many things she remembered about the house although it's been about 9 years since she'd been here last. she remembered the fish tank & how we planned on putting a patio cover on in back. we attempted to go sit in the backyard but even though the rain had stopped some time ago it was too cold.

we ended up in the living room watching an old marilyn monroe movie. once it was over nana realized it was starting to get dark so she was ready to go back. it was a nice visit & a good trial run for thanksgiving.

Z & school stuffs

2010-11-19T10:45:00.000-08:00

i'm convinced Z's teacher does not like me one bit, but i'm not going to get into that.

i just realized i didn't write about the peepee story, oops...
one morning Z tells me he feels weak & dizzy & it hurt when he peed. i kept him home to see how he did & it didn't get better, so i took him to the dr. they took a sample & said he had blood in his urine, probably from an injury. when asked the only thing he could remember was a classmate had kneed [is that right? i keep thinking dough not knee when i see that] him in the groin in the bathroom.

i asked him about it, should i tell the principal? [i mean he gets in so much trouble, maybe he's not always the instigator.] he said yes, although he wouldn't tell me the whole story, so i asked her to talk with him. she found out he & another kid were horsing around & that was pretty much it. i felt like a fool for making a deal about it.

*********************************************************

i've told Z's teacher several times i'm open to helping out & she finally accepted my offer. on the 17th Z's class had a field trip to a state park & she put me in charge of 10 kids [cue panic attack] now i knew why she accepted my offer, she needed the help.

first they had a little talk about the native american indians that lived in the area long ago. then we had a park docent show us around, we were on the move constantly. she lead us around, i corralled kids, told them to be quiet, listen & catch up during the walk. even so we had to run back to the bus & we were the last group. one more reason for Z's teacher to not like me, oh well.....

*********************************************************

18th was P/T conference day, academically he's catching up, i mean, he's still behind the class but his teacher said she never would have guessed he started last year not being able to read & that explained the problems he continues to have with comprehension, sentence structure, etc.

he's doing well in math although he got a U bc he refuses to show his work. a lot of what they're doing is stuff from last year so he doesn't get why he's doing it again, he already knows it. on the math placement test he got 100%, so he does know it, they know he knows it, he's just got to put forth the effort on regular day to day work.

his behavior, um, yeah....we all know that's a big fat U, but she did say he's been better lately, no oranges or reds & that we're aware of, he has stopped flipping his card to better instead of worse.

ghetto house update

2010-11-16T10:06:00.000-08:00

oh, yeah, i see i didn't write a thing about ghetto house in october....it was SO much fun i did my best to block it all out.

holy crap i hate being a landlord! oh my you have no idea how many phone calls i had to go through with people & yah, i'm not good with the phone, even with people i like a whole lot, even love, i'm just weird & awkward like that. it's not you, it's me, really.

we finally got someone to fill out the rental app somewhat complete, but then i couldn't verify any of his info; lived with inlaws & wife had no recent work history & i wasn't able to get through to his employer, so no dice.

then a gazillion more phone calls. yeah!

one more rental app came in, complete. all looked good, we did a credit check & although it took a few weeks to check all their stuff out we signed them up.

when i sent them the lease i wrote again to verify they knew the house did not include fridge [remember the story that didn't happen? ah, still makes me laugh & gag all at the same time...], but if they needed one we could talk about it. the discussion happened 2 days before move in & it went like this "you'll have a refrigerator for us right?".

dang, thanks for all that notice, it's not like we're right there or have a spare one sitting around. [ok, we actually do have a fridge in the garage, it's our old, old one, before the dead one. the non-freezer part freezes everything so it only holds drinks, so it's not like someone could use it for food.] so i spent a day going all over town looking for a decent fridge that wasn't too expensive.

i found one, B delivered & got a signed lease & i think a week later we got a call that it had some sort of alarm that went off. they could turn it off, but it would go off again. damn! so i went back to the place where i got the fridge & we got another one & a week later we swapped out fridges. fun huh?

we finally got to met the husband & wife, so that was good. they're from LA, but he's working on base now & they have a brand new baby, so she's going to be a stay at home mom. she doesn't seem to pleased with town, not that i can blame her, but i told her i was actually envious of her chance to stay home with her newborn.

a few days later we get a phone call that fridge #2 was leaking internally & they weren't sure if it's water or where it's going, so we told them to keep an eye on it & turn off the water line.

GAH!

color me this

2010-11-12T09:41:00.000-08:00

now that nana is so close to me, i try to go see her about every other day or so. i take food or snacks in for her so she has something different to eat. sometimes i bring in nail polish & do her nails for her & sometimes we just sit there & don't talk much, but i know just being there is a change of pace for her.

i bring Z with me probably about once a week, but we don't stay too long. it's a toss up, she likes seeing him, a lot of the other residents light up when they see a kid, but also he's just a ball of energy. we usually try to go out to the garden so he can run around, then some of the residents yell at him for chasing the cats. goodness people, he's a kid & a little run is not hurting those cats, but i guess that's what [some] old people do.

the other day i decided [& more importantly figured out how] to go in & color nana's hair. she's always been concerned about her hair greying [yes, even at 90 greys are not acceptable], but i'd been putting off paying the facility salon bc it's $40 plus tip, which is rather pricey when you consider a box of color is about $10.

i discovered the trick is to let the staff know the day prior to shower day that i'm going to do the color, so they schedule her shower for later & they rinse out the color. so i scheduled it, got the box of color & went in & did it. i hadn't ever colored someone else's hair before & nana had a good 6 months of growth, so although she's 90 & her hair is thin in some spots i used the entire bottle.

i did my best, but after the shower i brushed her hair out & found 2 little spots in the back near the scalp that i missed. oops! oh well, you really have to search to find them. nana said she's gotten lots of compliments on her hair, so i guess no one has seen the spots!

not really working

2010-11-10T09:08:00.000-08:00

in an attempt to get back into the work routine & soliciting myself to a few friends, i got a response. [i'm still not sure if i really wanted one, but whatev's....] i figured if nothing else, i could get used to doing something along the lines of my normal work instead of yard work, cooking & sewing [i got a few lessons for martha stewart these days].

so i'm helping an old friend from the dirt company. the co. shut it's doors about a year ago or so, everyone scattered & many made their own joint ventures trying to survive it all. this friend asked me to help him with reports & basically getting his office organized.

funny thing is he was one of the main reasons i stayed [& later left] that job. he was a good friend, but in the end i felt like he was taking advantage of me, his demands were more than i could handle at the time. i had wanted to leave that job so many times in the past but either he, or later it was B, would talk me out of it. in their defense i liked the work, the pay was good & i had flexible hours so i could go to school.

however i always remember from my interview day the vieja said "we're like a family here" which was true, it was extremely dysfunctional & everyone was ok with that.

when i finally did leave B was in Japan [& we didn't know when he was coming home], Z was 9 months old [i'd been a single parent for 8 months], i was exhausted from a hellacious commute [an hour+ each way, with a baby who tended to puke a lot] & i had been at a job for over 10 years which i'd hated for um, probably the entire time.

i didn't expect all that to unfold, but there it is...

so i've got more on my plate, but i'm not working, not really anyways. all the red tape & circumstances make it so it's best i don't get paid for my efforts. sigh....

the microwave story...

2010-11-01T20:56:00.000-07:00

[the really sad thing about this story is that i have to go over to fb to figure out what really happened in the month of november bc it's all a blur to me]

anywho....

so yeah, Z's been on lockdown for awhile [remember?]. his first taste of freedom was when M & S came to town; we went to a craft fair then met up with an old hs buddy for talk & dinner. it didn't go well. wait, no, i take that back, it went well, Z however did not. spankings were had in the restaurant's bathroom, he laughed, we went outside & talked & i think we spanked out there some more for good measure, then he still was a little shit. see fun!

at home one day i noticed the [new, about a year old] microwave door seemed a lil loose. i know Z is just able to reach it, so i told him he needed to be really careful with the door & it would be best for him to climb up on the counter when he was opening the door so he could pull it out straight & not down.

2 days later, if i'm not mistaken, in the morning he cries out from the kitchen while i'm getting dressed. i run out & find the door completely unhinged, off, not even hanging by a thread, it is it's own entity now. Z said "it fell" - yeah right! the bottom metal hinge was completely bent, he yanked it down, apparently pretty hard.

geez, does this child not realize i have a list of ~~needs~~ wants like new flooring for the bathrooms? & the kitchen? how about a stove where all 4 burners work? or new kitchen countertops & cabinets [that i've wanted since before we went to the desert]?

so he wrecked a new micro & don't get me started on how much i hate living without one!
ugh, i had to re-heat my coffee on the stove top, all camper/cowboy style, i'm sure i was growling in doing so. then later that night i wanted a cup of tea, so i had to heat the water the same way. outrageous i tell you!

B's the man though, he done fixed it; the door is back on & Z's not allowed to touch it....probably until he's like 30.

everyday is Halloween

2010-10-31T22:55:00.000-07:00

[ministry]
[this post is only like 2.78 weeks late, sorry, i have no excuse other than i'm a much better blogger when i'm getting paid to sit at a computer, when i'm at home i have too many distractions & i hardly get a chance to sit.]

while we started all the halloween plans early, it still snuck up on me...completely. initially Z wanted to be Dumbledore & that scared me, it's a whole lot of pretty & like skilled sewing, i'm all about messed up off kilter frankenstein, but if something is supposed to match up or meet, um, there's probably gonna be issues.

so i caved & showed the boy an ad from a costume store, he wanted a black robe & either scary mask from star wars or the scream mask. [hell to the no on the scream mask, the nightmares i would have from that, from the mask being in my house, no way jose!] i figured i would make the robe, but it was only $15 & i figured the material & time it would take to sew, it was a deal. i later found some blue material to drape around the front of the robe & a big medallion thing [& bc we're super classy, we hung it from some copper speaker wire].

on friday we went to the school carnival; it was even lamer [is that a word? seems weird] than last year's. the school has gotten even more strict about sweets & candy, so they didn't have classroom trick-or-treating. they had someone selling some food, a few other vendors & the haunted house. it was $3 & we let Z go by himself, he didn't even want to go a 2nd time, then he went to the playground.

he met up with his friend out there who asked if Z could stay the night but we had plans [not to mention the fact that a parent wasn't in sight]. the kid asked if Z could stay next weekend then & went on to tell me that they wanted to go to vegas...for a week.[!]

on sunday, halloween day, i was still fixing, hemming, hanging the blue material. we didn't even carve pumpkins this year, i didn't even think about them until halloween DAY.

Z had spent the night at grammie's so i figured after i picked him up, we'd go pick up a couple, but that was the day my mom psychoanalyzed Z, so pumpkins were out. [no, i'm not going further into that one]

at dark thirty we went over to one of the neighbors, another singleton, & asked if he wanted to go trick-or-treating with Z. it worked out, they were both star wars characters to boot. we just went up & down the block below us & our's. then i realized a few people saying "wow you have a lot of candy" sounding like "you're being really greedy" so i told the boys it was time to stop.

they both had quite a bit of candy, but it's more about going all around, who cares if your bag is full!

results

2010-10-28T22:51:00.000-07:00

yeah, this is backdated, i, um lost, like almost a month....don't know exactly how that happened...

nana's appt went well - Dr F said her cancer is progressing slowly; the big swollen belly isn't fluid retention, it's good living; couldn't ask for anything more.

the only bad part was my uncle's persistence regarding a timeline, like he had money riding on it. he had to, HAD to know, how long does she have left. he didn't even have the decency to wait for her to be out of the room or even question the doctor in a low voice.

nana's doing fine, so chemo isn't an option at this time & that's a good thing. however, the timeline for no chemo was 6 months, 3 of which have past

& nana heard that.

to add insult to injury my uncle has to state "so she'll make it through the holidays, then about jan/feb or so"

THANK YOU SO MUCH
uncle

how's your nana?

2010-10-25T21:32:00.000-07:00

mine is well, well, i mean, you know, for having stage 4 cancer....she's great actually!
she still has no clue, other than occasional indigestion that she's sick. her belly has gotten bigger, swollen some, other than that all good.

we went to a dr appt 2 weeks ago with the cancer peoples [moore's cancer center], they're so nice. my uncle (B) went this time, which is good bc apparently he didn't believe a dang thing his daughter & i told him about the last meeting, so this meeting was basically a repeat of the last one. yah for wasting people's time who are trying to cure cancer patients!

Dr. F kinda said everything he said last time, then decided beings 2+ months passed to check where nana was at in the evolution of things. they sent her over to the lab for blood samples & scheduled her for an abdominal x-ray.

i planned, no really i did, plan on going with her to the x-ray downtown. i made sure i had gas, i set the alarm, had snacks & waters in a bag, all kinds of togetherness happening over here people!
except i set the alarm an HOUR late....
& it didn't click, at all, not in getting ready, not when i pulled out of the driveway, or on the freeway, or walking into the building, but when i walked down the hall
BLAM
i think i screwed up...

yep, i did.
i went & asked the nurse's station & yeah, i was an hour late. i considered driving down there, but knew bc of the time & the light rain it would probably take 2 hours. i didn't even know exactly where to go so it would take some time to find her & even if i did by then it would be time to turn around & drive home.
gah, so i failed nana. i felt really bad about it, i know going out scares her & she doesn't understand 1/2 the shit people tell her [hearing not language issue].
but i did go see her later that day when she was back & she was fine. i think it may have even boosted her confidence a bit that she did do it all by herself.

ok, so back to ugly reality....
thursday is results day & i don't wanna go. i know enough about her timeline as far as i'm concerned, i don't need or want anymore details, my uncle wants to know though.
i will go to be there for her...
& to not afford my uncle the opportunity to misunderstand, misinterpret or down right lie about what the doc says.

popcorn sales

2010-10-24T19:48:00.000-07:00

Z's still doing the cub scout thing, we missed one meeting, bc of the restriction & all around being a little shit while on restriction....

i didn't even blog about his 1st popcorn sale; it was kinda a big deal bc not only was it his 1st & only time doing anything like that, but he was alone. i know, wth people? he got a 15 minute primer by the previous shift [3 boys] then was left to his own devices. he did well though, brought in over $200.

this weekend was round 2 of sales. he had help, which was actually more of a pain in the a** [well for me at least] than i expected it to be. the "help" was 9 almost 10 & thought he was so grown up & such a cub scout star & was a complete little s*** when his dad walked off. together the boys brought in about $200 again.

Z was hilarious though, his confidence went through the roof & as each person walked out of the store he would swing out his arm, full reach display with a bag of popcorn in hand & say:

"would you like some.........unbelievably tasty popcorn?"

seriously, he totally made that up the sales pitch all by himself.

geez

2010-10-23T19:17:00.000-07:00

what the heck? how did that happen? where did the time go?

let's start off with Z of course....
well, that was the 1st week of trouble [fyi, that's alluding to a 2nd week of it bc one isn't fun enough!] i don't remember what the first tad of trouble was the following week, but the 2nd one was a dandy. hit bit a girl!!!!

yeah...
8 YEARS old & still biting
& it was his friend...
but he said it wasn't a big deal bc he didn't do it hard.
[lucky her huh?]

so the story goes they were doing math with the rubber blocks [remember that he colored previously?] yeah, those blocks & one fell & both kids grabbed for it & she got it first, so he bit her leg. it's not like he had any other options or anything....

so beatings were had & restriction was on for 2 weeks & it was a grand ole time over here in these parts.

we had signed Z up for guitar lessons, but after all that we unsigned him. surprisingly they [the guitar teacher people] were supportive; we told Z he would only go if he continued his good behavior. the day i turned in payment for the guitar class was the day principal called. the class will be offered again in a few months, hopefully the boy can get back on tract.

Z antics - 5 weeks

2010-10-06T14:28:00.000-07:00

(aka call your bookie)

yeah, i know, we were all waiting, counting the days, the weeks, oh a month - woohoo!

then, yah....

bam!

a call from the principal
[doesn't this woman have anything better to do than call me?]

so during emergency preparedness practice stuff Z was disruptive [hello, 8 yo boy], but like a lot i guess & you know 3rd graders are practically adults there, so he's supposed to be responsible for his own actions & set a good example for the young ones.

that's not Z's m.o. people...

not only was he being disruptive & it took her many attempts to get his attn, make him behave, yadayada, while all the kids had their heads down on the tables to calm down he [along with others] took the opportunity to throw lunch foods around the room.

that was thursday's call, but then i got another one on friday about shit he pulled earlier in the week which he chose not to tell me about so the first i hear of it is from her....

on tuesday he defaced school property [colored & poked holes in some rubber blocks], then when he was supposed to turn his color card [to reflect his bad behavior] he flipped it the wrong way [ie better instead of worse] on purpose, then, THEN he was supposed to go to the "bad kid" room during lunch & HE TOTALLY BLEW IT OFF

TWICE!!!

sold the car

2010-10-04T12:16:00.001-07:00

remember the note? so i took the car in to a shop to get it checked out & they quoted $700+ of work to get it to pass smog, but they were also interested in buying the car. i almost sold it to them but decided to call around & get a few more quotes & sure enough, they totally inflated the estimate to get the car for less.

so i called the guy back from the note & after a few days, we worked it out. on sunday he came by & i gave him the car. B thinks we could have gotten more for it, but i didn't want to deal with it anymore.

on one hand it was hard to let it go [& i had a few emotional breakdowns in the process of it] but on the other it was also a constant reminder & something else i needed to deal with.

he wasn't able to take the car that day, although i was hoping he could; then on tuesday late morning i noticed it was gone & it made me sad. what was once normal was now a void.

people are stupid

2010-09-27T12:43:00.000-07:00

so i've spent the past few weeks figuring out how to be an active landlord now that ghetto house is about to be vacant. did you know there's all kinds of tenant protective laws but there isn't shit for the landlord...what can i ask, what can't i ask, can i get a credit report, how do we transfer information beings we're 200 miles away?

we didn't do anything with the moving out tenant, he'd been our neighbor for a year & we knew he was a bank manager, so we handed him the keys, signed a 2 year lease & hoped for the best. all but that 2 year thing worked out, which is funny as he actually wanted a 3 year lease.

i listed the house in the local freebie sheet & we got quite a few phone calls, some good some please lose my number. one woman sounded really promising, her & her teenage son moved to town bc of his special education needs while the husband lived wherever to run their own business. i sent the rental application to them & in response received "will provide confidential information at the appropriate time" & an application that was pretty much useless.

um, i don't get it, the point of an application is the applicant provides information, the originator verifies the information, seems simple right? so i sent them an email back & said i couldn't begin the verification process bc ~~hello there's nothing to verify dumbass!!!~~ they needed to complete the application. i also asked for husband's pay stubs/a w-2/accountant/bookkeeper/tax preparer's number/something/anything to verify their only source of income. i told them they didn't need to supply bank account/credit card/loan numbers, just names, balances & monthly payment & if all went well, after verifying a credit report we would need their DL & SS #s, this is all normal stuff.

i didn't hear back from them. i got a headache from this. what do people expect, i'm handing over keys to a house that we completely renovated!

the only other person that's shown quite an interest in the house is section 8 with 5 kids & a big f-ing dog. she's my stalker. i should have stopped her when i got the first call & she asked if the house was section 8, but i was so surprised & wasn't sure about legalities of it i didn't want to just say "no i don't want you & your 5 screaming kids & your big ole dog in my little, clean house!" so when she gave me the number to call & get info on section 8, i did just that.

i left a vm, they didn't call back. section 8 stalker did though. so i called section 8 again & talked with someone. i had to listen to a 15 min spiel about the glories of providing low-income housing options. yeah, that's not what i'm here for, i'm here to get someone else to pay my mortgage on a house i can't afford to sell, call me selfish if it makes you feel better....

i did find out the house has to go through a somewhat lengthy inspection process - SCORE! (to make sure you're not a slumlord, all about protecting the tenant i tell you!), but she also told me we don't have to rent to anyone we don't want to; that ultimately we decide who lives in our house (cue angels singing!). she also told me if you have a section 8 tenant & they can fall off the program yet still be on your lease - wtf? can you imagine the battle getting those people out of your house?

section 8 stalker of course called again & argued with me about the process; no, first we sign a lease THEN you have the house inspected. she also asked me about the credit report, why do i need one bc she doesn't have any evictions or anything like that. so i explained i needed to see payment history etc. & that's when she asks me if payday loan places count as credit history....honey, you & i ain't signing no lease for nuffin!

before the fun part

2010-09-26T11:49:00.000-07:00

prior to visiting the girls i had business to take care of...

i stopped by my dad's bank, i was told the branch mgr was out for lunch & the person whom i normally work with was heading out for lunch. i thought for sure that meant i would be waiting for about an hour, but was pleasantly surprised when it was only about 10 minutes.

i had to explain the entire situation to the new person & she was surprisingly compassionate [i was expecting bitchy but i guess that complaint to the BBB helped. unfortunately it's not open for the public to read, but one of those on there, yeah that's me!]

she explained to me while the fraud case was investigated a 3rd party was in charge, hence the refunds not deposited in the account. she called them, confirmed they were investigating all the withdrawals, not just the large ones & that the refunds from Dell & Net10 had been received. she then asked them to contact her as soon as they had any new information & told me she would call me hopefully later in the day.

& she did. she called me a few hours later that everything had been resolved, the account was fully refunded & i could go close it out. i was there in 10 minutes. although it was a different branch so i had to tell my story all over again, but i got it & Sun Community I'm so done with you!

in the middle of all that i also stopped by nana's house. this time i called my uncle 1st, so you know, i didn't have another police escort. he met me there, opened up & proceeded to tell me he thinks the house is haunted. i don't think so, maybe it's his guilty conscience, but i didn't say anything, just looked around for nana's pj's that she requested only to discover girlfriend doesn't have any....so i picked out some winter clothes for her & got out before any boogie man or alarm gotta me.

old roomies

2010-09-24T22:26:00.000-07:00

this is the year of 39 for us, seems weird to be that age. i don't feel that old, but it's hard to think of yourself as all that young when people your age have multiple grandkids.

i headed down to the valley to meet the girls, my sisters, well at least 2 of them, the 3rd is far away. i took care of some things [which i'll discuss here] then went over to visit M & baby. it was already about 1pm so they were resting from the morning festivities that i had missed. M & I had quite a bit of catching up to do, i haven't been able to email much & the blog doesn't get updated as much as it should & even when it is, it's not what it used to be....i never promised this place to be all fun, but i tried to keep it light until things got too heavy to bare.

baby is in my favorite stage, running around babbling & into everything, she wasn't even cranky when she was tired. we talked & she adventured, before we knew it she past out in bed for her nap. then the birthday girl (S) showed up as i was heading out to run an errand. when i returned baby was waking up & birthday girl was primping & blowing up balloons.

we headed over to S's grandma's house where her family was all waiting for her. even though it's her grandma's house, it's funny how they all have that feel of comfort & warmth. we hung out in the backyard & listened to music, that's valley style. we told stories & we laughed, no tequila shots & no dancing on speakers...maybe at our next get together?

you know you're good friends when the time span from your last talk/email/whatever doesn't matter, you start talking like you're in the middle of conversation bc that's what it is, it started sometime ago & simply continues.